These past 3 days have been some of the most terrible, most amazing days I have ever had. I have been forced to be still before God in the midst of solitude, not having anyone to talk about what is going on in my heart but Jesus!
I have been very sick the past few days and in the midst of trying natural ways of healing, I was depending on Jesus for true healing: heart, mind, body, and soul that is.
However, I discovered that Jesus didn't have this time of quiet just for me to pray for healing, but He wanted to encounter me in a new and fresh way at the beginning of the year 2009! It happened!
I am assuming He used this suffering for me to be still within my soul to truly find rest at His feet which I so often run from. Don't get me wrong, as a worship leader, I understand the value of being in His presence having time alone with Him in His Word and in prayer.
I also understand a life that is in constant communion with Him throughout the day. Yet, these few days have not just been an hour here and two hours there of solitude. These have been prolonged hours of what some would call boredom if they don't understand. That is long hours of studying the Bible, long hours of praying, and long hours of being still!
I have realized that my heart is more alive than ever! My heart is sensitive to the Holy Spirit so much so that I find myself crying at different times over such things as the End-times, the book of Revelation, the Asian people, topics such as being a prophetic voice and a John the Baptist in the wilderness. I can't help but weep over such things as intimacy with God and being His friend.
Oh my friends, I long to know what is on the heart of the Lover of my Soul! This lifestyle that God is beckoning me to is a life of separation from the world and even participating in things that seem good to believers but only dull my heart not out of religion but because I want more of God!
This life seeks to find pleasure in Him alone! This lifestyle that God is calling me to is to forsake what the world calls entertainment to lay hold of the most beautiful thing I could ever lay my eyes upon!
I was made for God! I was made to gaze upon His beauty! I was made to have a Revelation 4 encounter with the Lamb of God and the Savior of the Earth! This is where all the saints and angels in Heaven, day and night are proclaiming: "Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty Who Was and Who Is and Who Is to come!"
I was made to be fascinated by Him alone! What is it that they see? All these things we call entertainment I find only dull my spirit! We were made for more than this life has to give us!
I want my heart to feel alive in God always. I want to feel hungry for Him, not bored and disconnected! He is so far beyond anything I could ever imagine.
I feel that I am only at the beginning of knowing who Jesus truly is. I am only scratching the surface and I long to discover more of Him! He is worth all of my affections and a whole-hearted life with my undivided devotion!
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