Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Ehrenzeller Wedding October 1st, 2011

It was the best day of our lives. On October 1st, 2011, I married the man of my dreams. I never truly believed that one could be this happy but God has proven me wrong and given me the desire of my heart! "Hope deferred makes the heart grow sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life." This, my friends, is bringing so much joy and life to my soul! I have loved Andrew Ehrenzeller from a distance for 3 years but never really knew it until this year. I am so thankful that God has been faithful to His promises for He never disappoints! 

Andrew and I have always had a connection and a chemistry that we just couldn't deny or fight. It was the Lord drawing us closer and closer until the veil was lifted and Andrew realized that I was the one for him. The day he told me, "Mary Kat, I am in love with you." is a day I will never forget. I was pinching myself when he said those powerful words to me. Little did I know, a few months later we would be happily married. I am now one of the happiest women alive. 

Nothing is ever perfect and absolute utopia but for the first time in my life, I feel at rest and much more complete than ever before. God uses Andrew to sanctify me everyday and I am grateful to Him for such an amazing gift who is perfect for me. I love Andrew Ehrenzeller!! Blessings and may you experience a life of God revealing how much He loves you with good gifts. He loves to lavish upon us amazing treasures!

Here is just a sneak peak from our wedding.  I will update again soon. Until then, I hope you enjoy!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Another Storm...

As I sit and watch the dark clouds roll in with their ominous appearance, I feel the wind blow. It is the calm before the storm for the waters up ahead seem calm and their waves seem faint within the distance. In the stormy season, it is almost as if I feel at times, "Oh Lord, I cannot bear another storm." It seems this season has been more stormy than the others and it has taken me by surprise.

In these storms, I have felt more weak than I have ever felt. It's as if I have no fight left within me to stand yet again through it all. The storms have increased as my hope has been set upon another. As disappointment has come and tried to make a dwelling place, I have had to stand yet again, striving to believe.

I know that He is doing something within His master plan. For He is the Creator and all He does is perfect, righteous, and true. He is going to those deeper places that no one else can go. He is touching the deeper parts of my heart that no one has ever been before.

In it all, there is pain. For as He has journeyed these hidden places, they have felt tender to the touch. Many tears have come with this process. I have said to Him, "Come and have Your way! Take it all!" Then right after I have felt the thoughts of:  "Did I make a mistake? This is too much!"

Though the pain has seemed too great and my dreams haven't seem to come and the wait has felt too long, He has moved. He has made His victories even in my resistance. He moves. He breathes. He fights. He believes even when I don't.

Emotions can come with the storms I never thought I could feel. The questions have come and I have found no answers. When a God comes and transforms a fallen mind and heart, all of what you thought to be true gets shaken. Everything you thought you knew becomes destroyed. It becomes nothing but ashes burning to the ground.

Thankfully, after the dark of the storms have made their path, the morning always comes. The Son rises upon all that was once dark and shines the Light making way for Life to bloom again. How I long for that day. May it come quickly.

Friday, July 8, 2011

It's Only A Season...

In times of transition, we can lose our footing. It's almost like God lets us lose ourselves that we would find ourselves all over again. Some seasons you can become comfortable and there is an ease and a familiarity in it all.

Those seasons are almost like a sense of home where you can come and just rest. You know where all the bathrooms are located. You know where all the dishes are in the kitchen, including the cleaning supplies and trash bags. You know the junk drawers well and even exactly how long the junk has been in there!

Yet, in transition, your identity can be tested. The questions can rummage through your mind of: "Who am I really?" You don't know where anything is. You've never even seen this place before.

It's uncomfortable and, at times, your heart can't even comprehend what is actually happening. You feel like you're going crazy or, better yet, you think it's the devil. However, most of the time, it's God shaking what can be shaken in your heart so only He can remain. He shakes the things we are trying to identify ourselves with that are not of Him.

He will tear us down to build us back up. He has been known to do this all throughout the Bible and He's really good at it. I love the quote that Kristine Mueller sings: "Redemption is so much better than perfection." These words have riveted straight through my heart because God is not about us being perfect in our own strife, but redeeming us from ourselves! 

He wants to break us down that He can remake us. He wants to take away everything we have relied upon to make ourselves perfect in our own strength. He desires for only His fingerprints to remain that we would see His power.

Yes, we know the truth is that we have been made new in Christ. Yet, it didn't stop at salvation. No. He continues to make us new more and more everyday! He continues to strip off the old man making us more like Him!

So, as I speak to myself and you, take heart! If you are in a transitional season, this means there is movement. Movement means there is LIFE happening and it's happening all around you! It's time to rejoice for joy comes in the morning. Change is challenging but being made more into His image? Why not? Though it be painful at the time, it truly is worth it. Be encouraged, it's just a season.

Come and Have Your Way

Though the storm may surround me, I will not fear. The clouds may grow dark and low, yet I will not fear. In the chaos and confusion, you teach to me how to trust. When I cannot see ahead, You are my Light.

When I cannot hope, You breathe it in me. Though my head fall to the ground, You come and lift me up. You never give up on me. You never leave me. You never let me go. You are not a man that You should lie or turn from Your promises.

Your faithfulness stands firm forever. Your Word is eternal. In grief or sorrow, You understand. You know the pain for it is not unfamiliar. You are a God who comprehends the small and tender heart. You alone truly fight for it. You alone stay the same. You alone never change or are inconsistent.

You say it, You believe it, You do it, You are it, You live it, and You are. Why should I fear when the storms come my way? Let this wind blow where it may. I will stop fighting. I let go. You win. I give in. Just come and have Your way.

Come and take it all. For when I have sought my other lovers, they turned their backs on me but only You stayed. As I set my eyes on what lays before me, I only see You. I will not struggle. I will not hide. Where else can I go? Where else can I run? I have no other options. I choose You. Come and have Your way.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

It's Time To Fly...

After another day of disappointment, my heart hurts. Today, I realized that I need to take more risks. I thought I was a risk taker but it's time to risk even more. I have dreams in my heart, but it's time to stop being afraid. I am about to attempt a dream that has been in my heart for years. I don't see how it will be possible in such a short amount of time but, with God, the possibilities are endless. Lord please let this work. It's time for me to fly again. This time, I need to go it alone.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Artists' Self Promotion?

Lately, I've been asking a lot of questions to the Lord regarding this idea of artists' self-promotion. Is trying to sell your art self-promotion? How do you NOT promote yourself? Is it okay to promote yourself if you are an artist? If you have to promote yourself to get somewhere, what is the point? These are some of the questions rummaging through my head as of late. I don't feel we need to strive to promote ourselves to get places we would like to be.

I feel this tension between wanting people to enjoy what I have created as an artist and letting the Lord alone discover the treasures of my work. Yet, maybe some work is meant to be heard by others and some is only for Him. It's all for His glory anyway right? Yet, perhaps my personal convictions are different than others. Perhaps it's not okay for me and it's okay for someone else.

Honestly? I just long to be in the secret place. If someone discovers what I have written, so be it. If not, the Lord will provide for all my needs and He will get the glory. At the end of the day, I don't want to write songs so someone can give me money because it was a hit. I long for God to be revealed in it all! I long for people's lives to be changed. That's the point. Now in that, someone has to discover it somehow. How does that happen without self-promoting?

Whether I am singing just for Him or in front of others, He gets the glory. Let us not forget who this is all for anyway. Let's celebrate one another, exhort one another, but always in thankfulness to what the Lord has done. For He has done great things and He continues to do great things through us. What are your thoughts?

Wednesday, May 11, 2011


It can be a battle when all you have to do is trust.
The questions lie within you, why should I?
It takes time.
You can't trust just anyone.
Yet what about the words, "Love always trusts?"
It should be so simple and it was meant to be.
Yet, time and time again others fail you and let you down.
You find it a struggle to believe the best.
No one has attained perfection.
Where is your hope?
It lies within no person.
Only One will never disappoint.
Continue to risk.
 For what is life if it is hidden in self-protection?
You can never live hiding from those who might hurt you.
So, here goes.
Take the step.
Choose to risk even though your flesh resists.
Choose to believe even when it hurts.
In this, you will discover true love.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

None Like You...

Where can I run where You will not find me?
Where can I go where You will not see?
Your eyes are on me always.
Your gaze is on me always.
Where can I lay my head?
Where is my home?
Where is my hiding place?
I find it in You.
You don't push me away.
You invite me to stay.
You beckon me to come.
Through it all, You remain.
Through the storm, You remain.
Through the calm, You remain.
You never change.
There is none like You.

Take Heart...

In life we can face many trials, sufferings, joys, dreams, adventures, hopes, and fears. I awoke this morning at 4:30 a.m., which is an usual time for me as I am not a morning person. I heard the words of Jesus so clearly from John 16:33, "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, for I have overcome the world." Even Jesus said we would have trouble but in all of it we must never lose heart. Instead, we take it! We must take heart and take ground!

I was also awakened to the sound of a song written by Laura Hackett with these words: "The battle is raging, the battle is raging. I don't wanna be sleeping, while the battle is raging. I don't fight as one who beats the air, give me eyes to see and ears to hear." These words riveted right through my heart this early morning. As much as I would like to live in a world full of utopia and good feelings, the truth is that there is a battle going on and it's raging.

We do have victory in Him. We win. This is our hope and that is why He says, "Take heart!!!" At the same time, we must never lose the awareness of this raging battle and of an enemy that would love to take us out. We need eyes to see and ears to hear what is REALLY going on.

We do not fight as one just beating the air as Paul the apostle proclaimed. We are not fighting just to fight. We fight the good fight of faith. We fight in believing God is who He says that He is. This throws down strongholds and the high places that exalt themselves against the knowledge of God. This destroys the schemes of the enemy and shifts things in the Heavens. It defeats the Goliaths in our lives as David faced.

Every time we believe God and His Word, it becomes another stone to destroy the giants of fear that try to take us out. These little "stones" are our steps of faith. They may seem small at times and they may feel like they aren't really doing much, but the reality is they are. David had only three and they were small, yet each one targeted the giant in such a way, they eventually destroyed him.

We never give the enemy glory, for "Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world." Yet, we can't escape this war. We were made for this war and we have what it takes to overcome it for He dwells inside of us. Therefore, we don't run from the battle, we face it knowing the prize awaits us on the other side.

There are many lies a person can believe in trial and in fear. They can seem overwhelming at the time and try to make one believe something that is not true about his or her identity. Yet the truth must always remain right in front of us as if it were a mirror.

This truth is of His love for us and who we REALLY are. Even on our worst day, the Lord never changes His mind about us. He calls us lovely. He calls us chosen. He calls us qualified. He stays the same. These are our stones we can use to destroy those giants. Therefore, we take heart. We never lose hope. We. Have. Victory.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

You Call Me Lovely...

You call me lovely.
You call me beautiful.

You are not swayed.
You are not moved by my lack of faith or unbelief in You.

You are not swayed.
You are not moved when I try to hide or when I run from You.

You call me lovely.
You call me beautiful.

You stay.
You stay.
You stay, You stay the same.
No matter what my circumstances try to tell me.
No matter what the voices try to convince me.

If You notice the sparrow,
How can You miss my face?
If You notice the sparrow,
How can you miss my presence?

For You made my frame.
You gave me my name.
And you saved me from the death I was layin' in.
You breathed Your life in me.
You spoke Your light in me and You called me beautiful.

You call me lovely.
You call me beautiful.
For this is who I am.

This is one of the songs I have been working on for two years now. Although, I don't feel it is quite complete for it could go on forever, it is almost done. I have been thinking about our fears and how they drive us to do the craziest things. When in fear, we make unwise choices and abort the very things that God wants to bring into our lives. I have been known to do it time and time again.

However, the Lord sat me down this very night and whispered in my ear, "I have never left. I have never strayed. My love lasts through eternity and all of the ages. It has never let you down or disappointed you. Your trust lies in Me. For I am your hope. You are safe and always have been." His words led me to write these very words above.

He calls us beautiful. He calls us lovely. We rest in what He says we are, not what the voices of the world or condemnation try to tell us we are. Our identity rests in Him and it always has. This is where we truly find life and freedom to just be. Thank you Jesus. I am grateful that You remain and that You are faithful.

Friday, January 21, 2011

The First Wind of Change Has Arrived...

"Change comes as surely as the seasons but twice as fast." -From the movie "Little Women"

As a house, we have decided to get a "house journal" and begin writing our story as a family. In the Fall, the Lord told me our time was short to live all together and we should enjoy it while we could treasuring every moment.

Well, I have been feeling the winds of change and today the first of them arrived. My heart is beating so fast even as I type these words. When this wind blew through our house this very evening, it was not as if we didn't know it was coming. We just didn't know how it would come.

Ofcourse, we knew there would be many "suddenlys" that would take place in our lives this year and this was the first of them. I must admit, I was shocked and quite fearful when it first arrived into our kitchen. My mouth dropped and I didn't know how to respond but it's here. It is here and we welcome it.

What will happen next? I don't know, but time is changing no matter how much I try to stop it. Lord help us. Lord guide us. Lord be with us. We walk in this faith for this is the only chance we get in this life to do so. In Heaven, there is no need for faith so, here goes.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

In The Quiet...

How hard it is to fight for the stillness. I find myself more and more in the midst of this movement and transition in life being pulled one way here and another way there. Tonight, I couldn't do it. I finally had to silence it all.

My mind has been going ninety to nothin' all day with the life questions and the cares of this world. No matter how much possibilities change and people move around, one thing remains: Him. He is our home if we will let Him be just that.

In the world of technology, smart phones, and easy access to internet, we have people at our finger tips. We can constantly be reached via text, google talk, voicemail, e-mail, facebook, twitter, etc. How hard is it to simplify our lives and our minds?

How hard is it to just rest? I rested from a little bit of the social networking for a few days and I have to say it was quite refreshing. My mind felt at peace. It felt free to think about my priorities. I was able to get things in order.

A wise leader of mine challenged me recently to simplify my mind and realign my priorities again. It was yet another reminder of what the Lord has been telling me to do for this entire season. Oh to have the quiet place.

Yet, it's not the circumstances that bring this peace. It comes from within. God is longing for me to be quiet within my soul. He is longing for me to be still within my soul. He longs for me to trust Him with every plan, dream, and journey that lies ahead.

What lies ahead? I am not really sure. I have hunches and assumptions here and there. I sense certain things, but until it all unfolds, I walk this road blindly while holding onto His hand. Yet, thinking about my history in God, I have been able to trust Him in every trial and every concern.

With all of my questions, He has always answered them and He has never been late but always right on time. This is what I hope in: His love. It's this Father's love that keeps me going. It lifts my head when I've lost my hope and when discouragement has come to whisper in my ear, "You're not going to make it. Quit while you're ahead."

It's this love that seems to overtake the voices of doubt and fear. It's His love that roars like a lion to my enemies, "Shut your mouth! No more! Silent!" They listen to it and they stop at the sound of His voice because He reigns.

He has been reigning all this time and He has never left the throne. I am thankful for His faithfulness. It does last through the ages and it gives me resolve to continue walking this road. For on this journey, I am not alone.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011


There are some people who capture your heart from the moment you meet them. It's as if they have a beautiful world all their own that everyone wants to be a part of. This would only be a glimpse of Amelia. She was elegant, full of life, vigor, adventure, justice, and the fight. She stumbled upon Laurel Lane after a journey through Israel and all of its' surprises.

She spent a summer there to learn more about government and foreign policies in the country, which made sense when you grew to know her. Why her favorite movies were always about war torn countries and bringing justice to far away lands. She also knew what life was like to have abundant favor as well as learning how to live with little.

She became an orphan all before her 25th birthday. She lost her mother when she was young and then her father a few years ago. She understood deep loss and grief ,yet she lived with joy and the most abundant love one could imagine. Her heart was so big that nations could dwell there.

All that proceeded from her mouth was empowering words that infused courage into one's soul. She saw people and allowed space in her heart for them to come. Every person that grew to know her felt powerful around her for that's just the kind of girl she was. She was powerful and she enjoyed watching others become powerful too.

Often times, the other girls wondered what lied inside that heart of hers. She seemed so private at times that it was almost too quiet. What were Amelia's dreams? She had so many and sometimes, she felt free to share with the others but she still held back. Yet, the girls enjoyed her company so much they seemed to get caught up inside her universe of a fun, playground of adventures instead of prying for her to divulge information.

She never lacked grand ideas, whether it be trips around the world, to excursions through the city, amazing restaurants to discover, kayaking, or even sailing. There was always something exciting about to burst from the seams of her heart. She was loved and deeply so for no one could replace Amelia. She was the perfect fit and the last addition to the house. At last, the girls of Laurel Lane were complete.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Where To Next?

So I find myself this very night at 3 a.m. with a mind full of thoughts. No one is awake and it is the perfect time to think. In these moments, creativity is bursting at the seams it feels. I can relate to certain characters in movies or books and when I discover them, it brings a sense of validation to my own eccentricities. 

Tonight, I discovered how similar I am to a Miss Jo March from "Little Women." She was a wild, awkward, writer with a love for her family but yet wrestled with the inward battle of knowing she was made for more than the comfort of home and family. She was also made for war and bringing justice into other worlds outside of her own.

After taking some time away from the technology of this world and the popular social networks, I have found liberation. I have begun to feel free to create again! It has opened me up to become inspired to not only write songs again, or write this beloved novel that has been on my heart for two years now, but dream!

Instead of only being intrigued with other people's lives, I decided to find my own. I have chosen to dream my own dreams! Instead of comparing myself to someone else, I decided to find myself and truly believe again.

Often times I feel as if I am in a box and only those who see me in it think I am what is inside. However, I can never be placed in that box. "You're a singer," one says. "You're a missionary," others say. Why can't I do it all?

One season, I am full of music and instruments and songs! Another season, reveals me in foreign lands among a people I've never met while learning new languages along the way. It takes me to a place of discovering new colors in the life of world culture. Oh how it captivates my heart!

The next season opens me up to a world of words, with writing that is. My mind is full of new ideas, playful characters, and books, or novels rather. I see movies with music and movement as if it were a magnificent dance! It's as if these words come to life through the inspiration of whatever it may be.

All I know, is when the inspiration comes, I feel alive again. I feel that this is what I was made to do: to create!  At the same time, oh how I feel awkward in this place! I cannot be defined as one or the other but many and all!

Is this crazy? Perhaps, but all I need is a small time of separation and something becomes awakened inside of me as if it were a childlike innocence. It's pure. It's sincere. It's playful. It's real.

Where is this life going to take me next?  I have been faithful in this place. I have seen the hand of God move in many amazing ways in this land. I have been able to see other lands in the process of it all, yet I still wonder, where to next? Where is this next destination?

Oh there is so much to discover about this world and I want to see it! I want to write songs in other languages and be able to communicate fluently in many foreign ways!  I love my home and I am living the dream in a modern day "Little Women" kind of way. We have so much fun eating, talking, dreaming, singing, sharing, dancing, and living together.

My life is full. My life is happy and overflowing with amazing memories and true, deep friendships. I am satisfied in the things of God, but my heart and mind can't help but question, "Is there more than this?" I am always on the look out for it. Deep down inside I know I was made for the more. I was made to see the world and, someday,  I know that I will.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

It's Time for the More of God...

"One thing I have desired of the LORD, that will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD All the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the LORD, And to inquire in His temple."
Psalm 27:4

I have been pondering for a few days this thought: desiring One thing. I say that I want it, but yet I find myself giving way to the things of the world that fight for my attention every day. When I shut down the voices, it's almost as if I even find myself in opposition to those who are even Believers like myself.

Some people have even questioned my motives of wanting to get away with the Lord. In the past, I used to isolate myself and hide away for fear of connecting with people. What would they think about me if they truly knew me? Would they still like me? All of these kinds of thoughts used to consume my mind. At the end of the day, the only conclusions I came to were just lies.

Yet, I know that I have been healed of many of those deep wounds and today I find myself in a different place. I find myself more and more just longing for the "more" of God! At times, I have felt disconnected from Him and I just want to find that place again. You know, that deep secret place where nothing else matters but His Presence? In that place, the cares and worries of this life just fade away.

I have also recently discovered a place of tension in my own mind of this idea of a lifestyle of fasting and a season of feasting and celebration. They are two separate seasons and at times we can be called into one of the two.

Seasons can be a few months or just a few weeks. It doesn't matter how long, but what matters most is if we are hearing the voice of the Lord for ourselves on what He is calling us to do in this time and place.

Just last month, I was feeling it was a season of feasting and celebration for my personal life. Yet, as this year changed and we are entering into 2011, I am feeling sobered. I am feeling as if it is time to slow down, fast, and pray.

I am feeling like I need to silence all the other voices and shut it all down that I would only hear His voice. I want to know what He is saying in this season. I want to have my heart prepared for what He is bringing. I can only do this if I find myself in the quiet place with Him.

Many others are sensing some of the same things I am writing. They are feeling as if it is time to re-focus so that they may hear His voice. Everytime, I start fasting, I discover that God is truly much more satisfying than all of these "things" of the world. When I simplify my life, I can think more clearly. I can focus on the things that truly matter.

I believe that God is about to do something important in the Body of Christ. He is always moving, but He is doing something new and He wants His children to be prepared and ready to hear His voice that they would obey Him in this hour. I believe that it is critical we get our houses (or better yet our hearts) in order. I have an urgency in my spirit that we need to re-prioritize our lives to focus on Jesus and His ways.

It is so easy for the ways of this world to creep into our day to day lives. It is also easy to give way to that fear and surrender our hearts to it but I believe that God is pouring out the grace for us to turn  away from those things and turn our eyes back to Him. I believe He is giving us the desire to only want the ONE THING. We have tasted and seen that the Lord is good and we WILL want Him.

So, here I am finding myself in this tension of discovering the definition of a LIFESTYLE of fasting as opposed to fasting every once in awhile. Am I ready to give some things up for life?  If so, what are they? Are there things I need to totally surrender for life that I would receive the more from God and become completely satisfied in Him alone? These are the thoughts rummaging through my head this very night.

I just want God. I want more. There has to be more. There is more. He has more for me. All I have to do is ask and He will give it to me. All I have to do is set my gaze on Him and He will open my eyes to a new revelation of who He is.

All I have to do is listen for His voice because He is always speaking straight to my heart with exactly what I need to hear. This season, I have to do what I have to do to get the more. Others may not understand why, but the only voice that matters right now is His for I am walking with Him. Come Lord Jesus.