"Let the winds blow let the winds blow! Blow over me! Come oh winds of testing, come winds of refreshing, blow over me! Test me, try me, prove me, refine me like the gold, like the gold. Take me through the fire, take me through the rain, take me through the heartache and even through the pain. I will not be offended because only You know the right amount of pressure to pull me closer. Only You know the right amount of testing and blessing to move me deeper only You know. Let the winds blow, let the winds blow, let the winds blow. I'll embrace the flame."
This song was running through my head today and I thought, "This is a chance to really believe that Jesus is who He says He is."
Growing up, you always hear of the "stories" the "concerns" that some face through trials. You know those physical hardships that make you feel like "Whoa, where did that come from?"
Today, something unexpected happened that made me question what God was doing. This was a wind of trial that I seem to be facing and something that I have to go through because I sure can't go around it.
This trial has even made me realize how petty all of my other problems in life are. My mind can't even think about them at the moment. They don't seem as important. All I can think of is, "Life is but a vapor."
Where is my hope when all of these things I am placing my trust in fail? What happens when the rubber meets the road and that song I once wrote about trusting in the Lord and placing my hope in Him always actually has to be walked out?
Well, today I heard the doctor say, "We're concerned about this. We are going to have to run some tests you may have..." Just the words, "you may have..." were running through my head as I was sitting on the check up table. As the doctor walked away to get the nurse to do blood work, tears began to well up in my eyes.
All the thoughts were swirling, of all the possibilities of what it could be. I felt so alone in that moment more than I have in a long time. The only words I could muster up in prayer were, "God I can't do this alone. Please just don't let me go through this alone."
It started last week when I found the "lump" on my lower right rib cage. I began asking questions to people who might know. I wasn't really too concerned thinking that it was probably in my head. However, a few days later, I started to feel a little pain.
Yesterday, was the worst of it and made me start thinking maybe something is wrong. I fell on the ground in the morning in so much pain, I thought I might have to go the emergency room, but then I thought about all of the teachings I had been hearing from Bethel church of all the healings! I began to take authority and rebuke the pain in the name of Jesus.
The Lord gave me enough strength to get up and start the day. I prophesied, "I will get up! I will go to work and this will not steal my day!" The Lord was gracious! I made the appointment for the doctor but of course they couldn't take me yesterday so today was the day.
I went in, and he said, "This lump is your liver. I believe it is enlarged. This concerns me." I was thinking, "Even appendix would be a better word than liver!" There you have it.
I am still in pain and my liver may possibly be swollen inside so it is hard to get around with ease. I took blood tests and I find out the results on Monday or Tuesday. The doctor is testing me for Hepatitis.
I am receiving prayer by the bulk so feel free to lift one up if you think about it. God is still good! I proclaim it! He has a plan and He is not nervous. I can trust in Him!
Please pray that this would result in nothing! There would be no Hepatitis and no complications! There would be no more pain in the name of Jesus! I love you all and I appreciate your support and concerns. Blessings!
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