Wednesday, January 26, 2011

You Call Me Lovely...

You call me lovely.
You call me beautiful.

You are not swayed.
You are not moved by my lack of faith or unbelief in You.

You are not swayed.
You are not moved when I try to hide or when I run from You.

You call me lovely.
You call me beautiful.

You stay.
You stay.
You stay, You stay the same.
No matter what my circumstances try to tell me.
No matter what the voices try to convince me.

If You notice the sparrow,
How can You miss my face?
If You notice the sparrow,
How can you miss my presence?

For You made my frame.
You gave me my name.
And you saved me from the death I was layin' in.
You breathed Your life in me.
You spoke Your light in me and You called me beautiful.

You call me lovely.
You call me beautiful.
For this is who I am.

This is one of the songs I have been working on for two years now. Although, I don't feel it is quite complete for it could go on forever, it is almost done. I have been thinking about our fears and how they drive us to do the craziest things. When in fear, we make unwise choices and abort the very things that God wants to bring into our lives. I have been known to do it time and time again.

However, the Lord sat me down this very night and whispered in my ear, "I have never left. I have never strayed. My love lasts through eternity and all of the ages. It has never let you down or disappointed you. Your trust lies in Me. For I am your hope. You are safe and always have been." His words led me to write these very words above.

He calls us beautiful. He calls us lovely. We rest in what He says we are, not what the voices of the world or condemnation try to tell us we are. Our identity rests in Him and it always has. This is where we truly find life and freedom to just be. Thank you Jesus. I am grateful that You remain and that You are faithful.

Friday, January 21, 2011

The First Wind of Change Has Arrived...

"Change comes as surely as the seasons but twice as fast." -From the movie "Little Women"

As a house, we have decided to get a "house journal" and begin writing our story as a family. In the Fall, the Lord told me our time was short to live all together and we should enjoy it while we could treasuring every moment.

Well, I have been feeling the winds of change and today the first of them arrived. My heart is beating so fast even as I type these words. When this wind blew through our house this very evening, it was not as if we didn't know it was coming. We just didn't know how it would come.

Ofcourse, we knew there would be many "suddenlys" that would take place in our lives this year and this was the first of them. I must admit, I was shocked and quite fearful when it first arrived into our kitchen. My mouth dropped and I didn't know how to respond but it's here. It is here and we welcome it.

What will happen next? I don't know, but time is changing no matter how much I try to stop it. Lord help us. Lord guide us. Lord be with us. We walk in this faith for this is the only chance we get in this life to do so. In Heaven, there is no need for faith so, here goes.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

In The Quiet...

How hard it is to fight for the stillness. I find myself more and more in the midst of this movement and transition in life being pulled one way here and another way there. Tonight, I couldn't do it. I finally had to silence it all.

My mind has been going ninety to nothin' all day with the life questions and the cares of this world. No matter how much possibilities change and people move around, one thing remains: Him. He is our home if we will let Him be just that.

In the world of technology, smart phones, and easy access to internet, we have people at our finger tips. We can constantly be reached via text, google talk, voicemail, e-mail, facebook, twitter, etc. How hard is it to simplify our lives and our minds?

How hard is it to just rest? I rested from a little bit of the social networking for a few days and I have to say it was quite refreshing. My mind felt at peace. It felt free to think about my priorities. I was able to get things in order.

A wise leader of mine challenged me recently to simplify my mind and realign my priorities again. It was yet another reminder of what the Lord has been telling me to do for this entire season. Oh to have the quiet place.

Yet, it's not the circumstances that bring this peace. It comes from within. God is longing for me to be quiet within my soul. He is longing for me to be still within my soul. He longs for me to trust Him with every plan, dream, and journey that lies ahead.

What lies ahead? I am not really sure. I have hunches and assumptions here and there. I sense certain things, but until it all unfolds, I walk this road blindly while holding onto His hand. Yet, thinking about my history in God, I have been able to trust Him in every trial and every concern.

With all of my questions, He has always answered them and He has never been late but always right on time. This is what I hope in: His love. It's this Father's love that keeps me going. It lifts my head when I've lost my hope and when discouragement has come to whisper in my ear, "You're not going to make it. Quit while you're ahead."

It's this love that seems to overtake the voices of doubt and fear. It's His love that roars like a lion to my enemies, "Shut your mouth! No more! Silent!" They listen to it and they stop at the sound of His voice because He reigns.

He has been reigning all this time and He has never left the throne. I am thankful for His faithfulness. It does last through the ages and it gives me resolve to continue walking this road. For on this journey, I am not alone.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011


There are some people who capture your heart from the moment you meet them. It's as if they have a beautiful world all their own that everyone wants to be a part of. This would only be a glimpse of Amelia. She was elegant, full of life, vigor, adventure, justice, and the fight. She stumbled upon Laurel Lane after a journey through Israel and all of its' surprises.

She spent a summer there to learn more about government and foreign policies in the country, which made sense when you grew to know her. Why her favorite movies were always about war torn countries and bringing justice to far away lands. She also knew what life was like to have abundant favor as well as learning how to live with little.

She became an orphan all before her 25th birthday. She lost her mother when she was young and then her father a few years ago. She understood deep loss and grief ,yet she lived with joy and the most abundant love one could imagine. Her heart was so big that nations could dwell there.

All that proceeded from her mouth was empowering words that infused courage into one's soul. She saw people and allowed space in her heart for them to come. Every person that grew to know her felt powerful around her for that's just the kind of girl she was. She was powerful and she enjoyed watching others become powerful too.

Often times, the other girls wondered what lied inside that heart of hers. She seemed so private at times that it was almost too quiet. What were Amelia's dreams? She had so many and sometimes, she felt free to share with the others but she still held back. Yet, the girls enjoyed her company so much they seemed to get caught up inside her universe of a fun, playground of adventures instead of prying for her to divulge information.

She never lacked grand ideas, whether it be trips around the world, to excursions through the city, amazing restaurants to discover, kayaking, or even sailing. There was always something exciting about to burst from the seams of her heart. She was loved and deeply so for no one could replace Amelia. She was the perfect fit and the last addition to the house. At last, the girls of Laurel Lane were complete.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Where To Next?

So I find myself this very night at 3 a.m. with a mind full of thoughts. No one is awake and it is the perfect time to think. In these moments, creativity is bursting at the seams it feels. I can relate to certain characters in movies or books and when I discover them, it brings a sense of validation to my own eccentricities. 

Tonight, I discovered how similar I am to a Miss Jo March from "Little Women." She was a wild, awkward, writer with a love for her family but yet wrestled with the inward battle of knowing she was made for more than the comfort of home and family. She was also made for war and bringing justice into other worlds outside of her own.

After taking some time away from the technology of this world and the popular social networks, I have found liberation. I have begun to feel free to create again! It has opened me up to become inspired to not only write songs again, or write this beloved novel that has been on my heart for two years now, but dream!

Instead of only being intrigued with other people's lives, I decided to find my own. I have chosen to dream my own dreams! Instead of comparing myself to someone else, I decided to find myself and truly believe again.

Often times I feel as if I am in a box and only those who see me in it think I am what is inside. However, I can never be placed in that box. "You're a singer," one says. "You're a missionary," others say. Why can't I do it all?

One season, I am full of music and instruments and songs! Another season, reveals me in foreign lands among a people I've never met while learning new languages along the way. It takes me to a place of discovering new colors in the life of world culture. Oh how it captivates my heart!

The next season opens me up to a world of words, with writing that is. My mind is full of new ideas, playful characters, and books, or novels rather. I see movies with music and movement as if it were a magnificent dance! It's as if these words come to life through the inspiration of whatever it may be.

All I know, is when the inspiration comes, I feel alive again. I feel that this is what I was made to do: to create!  At the same time, oh how I feel awkward in this place! I cannot be defined as one or the other but many and all!

Is this crazy? Perhaps, but all I need is a small time of separation and something becomes awakened inside of me as if it were a childlike innocence. It's pure. It's sincere. It's playful. It's real.

Where is this life going to take me next?  I have been faithful in this place. I have seen the hand of God move in many amazing ways in this land. I have been able to see other lands in the process of it all, yet I still wonder, where to next? Where is this next destination?

Oh there is so much to discover about this world and I want to see it! I want to write songs in other languages and be able to communicate fluently in many foreign ways!  I love my home and I am living the dream in a modern day "Little Women" kind of way. We have so much fun eating, talking, dreaming, singing, sharing, dancing, and living together.

My life is full. My life is happy and overflowing with amazing memories and true, deep friendships. I am satisfied in the things of God, but my heart and mind can't help but question, "Is there more than this?" I am always on the look out for it. Deep down inside I know I was made for the more. I was made to see the world and, someday,  I know that I will.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

It's Time for the More of God...

"One thing I have desired of the LORD, that will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD All the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the LORD, And to inquire in His temple."
Psalm 27:4

I have been pondering for a few days this thought: desiring One thing. I say that I want it, but yet I find myself giving way to the things of the world that fight for my attention every day. When I shut down the voices, it's almost as if I even find myself in opposition to those who are even Believers like myself.

Some people have even questioned my motives of wanting to get away with the Lord. In the past, I used to isolate myself and hide away for fear of connecting with people. What would they think about me if they truly knew me? Would they still like me? All of these kinds of thoughts used to consume my mind. At the end of the day, the only conclusions I came to were just lies.

Yet, I know that I have been healed of many of those deep wounds and today I find myself in a different place. I find myself more and more just longing for the "more" of God! At times, I have felt disconnected from Him and I just want to find that place again. You know, that deep secret place where nothing else matters but His Presence? In that place, the cares and worries of this life just fade away.

I have also recently discovered a place of tension in my own mind of this idea of a lifestyle of fasting and a season of feasting and celebration. They are two separate seasons and at times we can be called into one of the two.

Seasons can be a few months or just a few weeks. It doesn't matter how long, but what matters most is if we are hearing the voice of the Lord for ourselves on what He is calling us to do in this time and place.

Just last month, I was feeling it was a season of feasting and celebration for my personal life. Yet, as this year changed and we are entering into 2011, I am feeling sobered. I am feeling as if it is time to slow down, fast, and pray.

I am feeling like I need to silence all the other voices and shut it all down that I would only hear His voice. I want to know what He is saying in this season. I want to have my heart prepared for what He is bringing. I can only do this if I find myself in the quiet place with Him.

Many others are sensing some of the same things I am writing. They are feeling as if it is time to re-focus so that they may hear His voice. Everytime, I start fasting, I discover that God is truly much more satisfying than all of these "things" of the world. When I simplify my life, I can think more clearly. I can focus on the things that truly matter.

I believe that God is about to do something important in the Body of Christ. He is always moving, but He is doing something new and He wants His children to be prepared and ready to hear His voice that they would obey Him in this hour. I believe that it is critical we get our houses (or better yet our hearts) in order. I have an urgency in my spirit that we need to re-prioritize our lives to focus on Jesus and His ways.

It is so easy for the ways of this world to creep into our day to day lives. It is also easy to give way to that fear and surrender our hearts to it but I believe that God is pouring out the grace for us to turn  away from those things and turn our eyes back to Him. I believe He is giving us the desire to only want the ONE THING. We have tasted and seen that the Lord is good and we WILL want Him.

So, here I am finding myself in this tension of discovering the definition of a LIFESTYLE of fasting as opposed to fasting every once in awhile. Am I ready to give some things up for life?  If so, what are they? Are there things I need to totally surrender for life that I would receive the more from God and become completely satisfied in Him alone? These are the thoughts rummaging through my head this very night.

I just want God. I want more. There has to be more. There is more. He has more for me. All I have to do is ask and He will give it to me. All I have to do is set my gaze on Him and He will open my eyes to a new revelation of who He is.

All I have to do is listen for His voice because He is always speaking straight to my heart with exactly what I need to hear. This season, I have to do what I have to do to get the more. Others may not understand why, but the only voice that matters right now is His for I am walking with Him. Come Lord Jesus.