Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Will You Stay the Course?

The Lord continuously grips my heart to remind me that the choice I made a long time ago to give my life to Him, though it was a simple "Yes," at the same time, it was a very hard road I was agreeing to take. It's a road that few find and a road where few faithfully stay. I wish sometimes that I could have had others running with me the whole time. You know, those who are cheering you on at the same time they are suffering with you!

Many people will come and go in your life. You will have those who will run with you for a season. They will understand you for a time and they will tell you that you can make it! However, when the winter comes, you will look to the right and they will be gone in an instant. Then, you may look to your left, and your favorite running partner is gone too.

God will take them away only to make you look in one direction: right in front of you. It's only when the others are gone, that you can start to see the only One who has been running with you the whole time. The One who has pledged Himself to you more than you have to Him and more than any other.

Will you choose to run when husband, wife, mother, father, sister, brother, or friend has taken another journey, or a different path? What about if your leader, or favorite teacher leaves you behind to go their own way? Will you choose to stay on the path God has when this journey is only between two people: you and Him?

It's easy to say "yes" with our words, but when the rubber meets the road, will we truly stand the test? Will we let the winds blow on our lives with trial after trial and choose to be unoffended? Will we remain faithful even in the midst of heart ache? Better yet, why are we running anyway?

I have to admit, to answer these questions is painfully difficult because I am reminded of the times when it was so cold, dark, and I could not even see the light that was ahead. It was also like a valley and I couldn't see what was outside of it. It was like facing a mountain and not knowing what was on the other side. I thought to myself, "God, I just don't know if I can do this anymore. Is it worth it? I don't know what lies ahead. Can I trust you? I just don't know."

Maybe, I somewhat understand the pain that one must go through to get there, but am I still willing to answer? I say this in humility, but I think I want to choose to stay the course. No, I know I want to stay! I want to say "Yes" to Him no matter the cost. I declare this outloud to the world here and now! Wow, the weight of these words is pretty heavy even as I reread them to myself.

I have had many a winter, and I have survived them! I am still alive! I have seen the Lord's faithfulness when others have failed me and when I have failed myself. I have seen His faithfulness when I didn't know if I could keep running. He has sustained me through those times, He has healed me, and He has made me stronger.

In my young age, I am discovering that there is a true beauty in the refinement before the one is even refined. The process is difficult but so beautiful! My heart becomes alive when I am aware of my own depravity and my need for God. I know it is beautiful in His sight because the Psalmist said in Psalm 51 about God: "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." In fact, He delights in it!

In closing, I just want my spirit to be alive at all times! I don't want to grow bored and complacent whether in lonliness, trial, happy times, spring, winter, whatever the season. I don't want to run away from Him or hide in my shame. I don't want to run to other lovers to have the ache filled in my heart only to be let down yet again!

I want to know this God myself, not just what others say. I want to have my own encounters with Him not someone else's. I want to lay my head down at night and feel that I am alive not just because I am breathing! He is my only chance to have this happen. I have no other options! I have no other choice. I must stay the course. I say "Yes!"

Saturday, March 8, 2008

The Meltdown...

So just when you think, you have it all together, God raises the temperature a little. In just a matter of an hour, everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong in the office today. There was no one to help me either. By this, I mean printing off contribution receipts, printers breaking, toners needing to be replaced, trying to print one thing and someone makes copies using your special paper you had just placed in the printer, not being able to find the right toner or knowing if we had any at all.

I knew something was wrong when I began to hit the printer and yell at it, as if it could somehow respond to me with the right answer. "Come on, what is wrong with you?" I finally reached my limit after almost kicking the copy machine in the copy room to shreds only to realize to myself, "Wow, I believe we have reached the meltdown." "Here we are, so what now?" This, in turn, led me to have a long talk with God. I fell to the floor in the copy room, flat on my back just staring at the ceiling. That's all I could do was just stare at the light and talk to God. "Why the heck is this happening God? What's the lie I am believing? Where did this come in? What's the truth?"

You know, I have done so many deliverance sessions, that now I can do it on myself right? Sure enough, God showed me very clearly in just a matter of a few seconds. All it took, was me, laying down and stopping it all. I had to shut it all down, or completely shut down, one or the other. Once God showed me the root of all that anger coming out of nowhere as it sometimes does right? At least, we try to tell ourselves that it came out of nowhere. No, no, my friend, it came from somewhere and something that has been in your heart for a looooong time! He was faithful to show me.

I liken the Lord in my life right now as a Potter and he is daily pushing, prodding, molding, taking apart, mashing, and well, let's be honest, just adding pressure after pressure in my life! Despite how painful it is, He has a goal in mind: for me to look like Him, smell like Him, and be like Him. He has a goal for me to talk like Him and walk like Him. The pressure is a sign that He is working in me an eternal weight of glory within these momentary, light afflictions. Therefore, take heart! Why so downcast oh my soul? Put your hope in God. Be still my soul, be still and know that He is God. These few phrases remind me that even the man after God's own heart had meltdowns! It's a sign that Jesus is near and He is working and He is very close.

I will say it was pretty humorous when Justin Jarvis, walked into the copy room and found me laying there on my back just staring away! "What are you doing?" He asked. I just replied with a calm, "Don't ask." It had to happen, it just had to happen.

All that to say, the day ended much better.
The Lord came in power in our worship time in the service tonight and we ended up closing it in corporate prayer at our new building we are moving to April 12th. We wrote prophetic words on floors that will be completely redone and we prayed over it. Someone even played the trumpet looking instrument and it was amazing! God really showed me that this is a season of sending out as we leave this "hospital as it once was" of healing at The Forum building we have been in for 3 years. It's time to send them out as we move out. It's just an exciting time, and it's not about me! What a relief!

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

It's Been Too Long...

I have been thinking lately, how long it has been since I have written anything at all regarding my life. However, today it all changed. I decided to create a blog to let you know about all of the many journeys I will be taking. I titled it "Seasons of Life" because all of us experience many different seasons in God and our walk with Him. Somehow we can all relate to that statement.

I have reminisced about the past year of 2007 and have reflected on all of the things God has done. He has done many good things.
The breakthroughs I have received happened in the ways I was never expecting. Then again, God always does things in the ways we were never expecting. His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts.

Our Team in England

It was 2 trips to Redding, California; 1 trip to London, England; and 1 trip to North Carolina where the Lord showed me many things and opened my eyes to see Him more clearly.

However, I believe that He's showed me even more in the day to day life regarding friendships, roommates, and many relationships I have here at The Harbour Church. He is showing me how to love. He is showing me what it means to be humble more than ever before.

Ministering in our own land is not exactly noteworthy from many people, but God has encouraged me in this place and has kept me on His path. I get quite a few strange looks from people when they ask me what I "do." "Missionary in the United States? Why do we actually need God here, I mean we have so much?" At times, when it has been difficult, He has been the Lifter of my head and I am here to say, it's worth it! It is possible to find freedom, joy, and peace in Him! He is real!

I am also here to inform you that there is a mission field here in South Florida where we are the second highest populated city of Jewish people, one of the highest populated cities of homosexuals, and we are a melting pot! We have the nations right here at our door step. Almost every week it seems as if South Florida is being talked about on the media because so many things are happening here. We need Jesus and we need a revival in our city! This is what we are contending for and this is why I am here.

My heart is mostly for the Church in South Florida to rise up in this hour and for her to be a light in this dark place. My heart is for the Church to find freedom before she can bring freedom to the captives in our land. My heart is for the Church to have a passion for prayer and to find a secret place in God where she can have power and authority to influence people when she speaks! I desire for her to walk worthy of her calling and to experience who she is as the apple of His eye!

In The Furnace With Our Team

On a practical note, to be able to pay my bills, I am still working in the Finance department with Accounts Receivable. I am learning a lot about numbers, Quickbooks, and budgeting. It's definitely helping me with my own budget and reminds me daily how much I need to surrender my finances to Him. God is also forming my character in this place of work.

My main passion, however, is being one of the worship leaders at The Harbour during our corporate services, home fellowships, and our prayer room called The Furnace. This is also work! I am being strongly encouraged to keep playing the guitar. I am being stretched in my playing because it's not exactly something I feel adequate in! Yet, again, God is showing me humility and He is anointing me with His grace.

However, in the midst of all of this "playing" He has been giving me new songs and I have written two more completed songs this year which is another encouragement to me! If you are a songwriter, you may understand how somewhat difficult it is to actually finish a song. One can have a million tunes, or words in their heart, but to actually have one that is completed is a challenge at times!

In addition, my heart for the nations is still burning strong. In fact, it is growing the more that I stay here. Especially, after I went to England for 1 week this past October 2007. We were able to minister to a Church there and we also spoke to Muslims in the streets there. I was again reminded of how much I still yearn to have the world know about the love of Jesus! I still long for them to be free as He has been setting me free!

I have been asked to go to India in September 2008 to minister to the women there involving deliverance. They are really oppressed even in the church. The spiritual climate is full of oppression, but God wants to set these beautiful Indian women free! We will have translators, we will pray, prophesy, and love on these precious people of God. I am really excited because this is a country that I have had many dreams about going and it has been in my heart for a long time. Now, is the time to go!

I am beginning to see the dream fulfilled! It's an exciting time. Would you pray for me? Would you join with me in advancing the Lord's kingdom in India? I need your prayers first and most importantly. Secondly, I need the Lord to provide with finances. It will be over $1,000.00 and I need help raising support for this next journey.

Afterwards, I will return and continue the work that God has asked us to do here in South Florida. Would you be willing to be a continuous supporter of LIGHT International with me? I am still in the process of trying to live on full-time support. My desire is to one day be a full-time worship leader, travel to the nations, and help raise up worship leaders here in our city who will abide in the place of prayer with Jesus.

Practically, I am still in the process of needing about $1200.00 more dollars a month to be full-time. This also provides for me to travel to the connecting cities we have relationships with to impart the passion we have for Jesus here in our music ministry and to teach people about the importance of being a Church who prays. These also involve other countries such as England, India, Israel, Honduras, Turkey, and Ukraine.

I thank you so much for your prayers. Please read this blog as often as you'd like and hopefully it will be full of more creativity as it develops. I love you and you are an important part of my life. I need you and I pray that the Lord blesses you always!

If you are interested in helping me financially you can e-mail me at You can also write a tax-deductible check to LIGHT International and send it to our Post Office box:
Attn: Mary Kat Conolley
PO Box 39267
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl. 33339

Redding, California October 2007