The First Wind of Change Has Arrived...

"Change comes as surely as the seasons but twice as fast." -From the movie "Little Women"

As a house, we have decided to get a "house journal" and begin writing our story as a family. In the Fall, the Lord told me our time was short to live all together and we should enjoy it while we could treasuring every moment.

Well, I have been feeling the winds of change and today the first of them arrived. My heart is beating so fast even as I type these words. When this wind blew through our house this very evening, it was not as if we didn't know it was coming. We just didn't know how it would come.

Ofcourse, we knew there would be many "suddenlys" that would take place in our lives this year and this was the first of them. I must admit, I was shocked and quite fearful when it first arrived into our kitchen. My mouth dropped and I didn't know how to respond but it's here. It is here and we welcome it.

What will happen next? I don't know, but time is changing no matter how much I try to stop it. Lord help us. Lord guide us. Lord be with us. We walk in this faith for this is the only chance we get in this life to do so. In Heaven, there is no need for faith so, here goes.

In The Quiet...

How hard it is to fight for the stillness. I find myself more and more in the midst of this movement and transition in life being pulled one way here and another way there. Tonight, I couldn't do it. I finally had to silence it all.

My mind has been going ninety to nothin' all day with the life questions and the cares of this world. No matter how much possibilities change and people move around, one thing remains: Him. He is our home if we will let Him be just that.

In the world of technology, smart phones, and easy access to internet, we have people at our finger tips. We can constantly be reached via text, google talk, voicemail, e-mail, facebook, twitter, etc. How hard is it to simplify our lives and our minds?

How hard is it to just rest? I rested from a little bit of the social networking for a few days and I have to say it was quite refreshing. My mind felt at peace. It felt free to think about my priorities. I was able to get things in order.

A wise leader of mine challenged me recently to simplify my mind and realign my priorities again. It was yet another reminder of what the Lord has been telling me to do for this entire season. Oh to have the quiet place.

Yet, it's not the circumstances that bring this peace. It comes from within. God is longing for me to be quiet within my soul. He is longing for me to be still within my soul. He longs for me to trust Him with every plan, dream, and journey that lies ahead.

What lies ahead? I am not really sure. I have hunches and assumptions here and there. I sense certain things, but until it all unfolds, I walk this road blindly while holding onto His hand. Yet, thinking about my history in God, I have been able to trust Him in every trial and every concern.

With all of my questions, He has always answered them and He has never been late but always right on time. This is what I hope in: His love. It's this Father's love that keeps me going. It lifts my head when I've lost my hope and when discouragement has come to whisper in my ear, "You're not going to make it. Quit while you're ahead."

It's this love that seems to overtake the voices of doubt and fear. It's His love that roars like a lion to my enemies, "Shut your mouth! No more! Silent!" They listen to it and they stop at the sound of His voice because He reigns.

He has been reigning all this time and He has never left the throne. I am thankful for His faithfulness. It does last through the ages and it gives me resolve to continue walking this road. For on this journey, I am not alone.

Amelia

There are some people who capture your heart from the moment you meet them. It's as if they have a beautiful world all their own that everyone wants to be a part of. This would only be a glimpse of Amelia. She was elegant, full of life, vigor, adventure, justice, and the fight. She stumbled upon Laurel Lane after a journey through Israel and all of its' surprises.

She spent a summer there to learn more about government and foreign policies in the country, which made sense when you grew to know her. Why her favorite movies were always about war torn countries and bringing justice to far away lands. She also knew what life was like to have abundant favor as well as learning how to live with little.


She became an orphan all before her 25th birthday. She lost her mother when she was young and then her father a few years ago. She understood deep loss and grief ,yet she lived with joy and the most abundant love one could imagine. Her heart was so big that nations could dwell there.

All that proceeded from her mouth was empowering words that infused courage into one's soul. She saw people and allowed space in her heart for them to come. Every person that grew to know her felt powerful around her for that's just the kind of girl she was. She was powerful and she enjoyed watching others become powerful too.


Often times, the other girls wondered what lied inside that heart of hers. She seemed so private at times that it was almost too quiet. What were Amelia's dreams? She had so many and sometimes, she felt free to share with the others but she still held back. Yet, the girls enjoyed her company so much they seemed to get caught up inside her universe of a fun, playground of adventures instead of prying for her to divulge information.

She never lacked grand ideas, whether it be trips around the world, to excursions through the city, amazing restaurants to discover, kayaking, or even sailing. There was always something exciting about to burst from the seams of her heart. She was loved and deeply so for no one could replace Amelia. She was the perfect fit and the last addition to the house. At last, the girls of Laurel Lane were complete.

Where To Next?

So I find myself this very night at 3 a.m. with a mind full of thoughts. No one is awake and it is the perfect time to think. In these moments, creativity is bursting at the seams it feels. I can relate to certain characters in movies or books and when I discover them, it brings a sense of validation to my own eccentricities. 

Tonight, I discovered how similar I am to a Miss Jo March from "Little Women." She was a wild, awkward, writer with a love for her family but yet wrestled with the inward battle of knowing she was made for more than the comfort of home and family. She was also made for war and bringing justice into other worlds outside of her own.

After taking some time away from the technology of this world and the popular social networks, I have found liberation. I have begun to feel free to create again! It has opened me up to become inspired to not only write songs again, or write this beloved novel that has been on my heart for two years now, but dream!


Instead of only being intrigued with other people's lives, I decided to find my own. I have chosen to dream my own dreams! Instead of comparing myself to someone else, I decided to find myself and truly believe again.

Often times I feel as if I am in a box and only those who see me in it think I am what is inside. However, I can never be placed in that box. "You're a singer," one says. "You're a missionary," others say. Why can't I do it all?

One season, I am full of music and instruments and songs! Another season, reveals me in foreign lands among a people I've never met while learning new languages along the way. It takes me to a place of discovering new colors in the life of world culture. Oh how it captivates my heart!

The next season opens me up to a world of words, with writing that is. My mind is full of new ideas, playful characters, and books, or novels rather. I see movies with music and movement as if it were a magnificent dance! It's as if these words come to life through the inspiration of whatever it may be.

All I know, is when the inspiration comes, I feel alive again. I feel that this is what I was made to do: to create!  At the same time, oh how I feel awkward in this place! I cannot be defined as one or the other but many and all!

Is this crazy? Perhaps, but all I need is a small time of separation and something becomes awakened inside of me as if it were a childlike innocence. It's pure. It's sincere. It's playful. It's real.

Where is this life going to take me next?  I have been faithful in this place. I have seen the hand of God move in many amazing ways in this land. I have been able to see other lands in the process of it all, yet I still wonder, where to next? Where is this next destination?

Oh there is so much to discover about this world and I want to see it! I want to write songs in other languages and be able to communicate fluently in many foreign ways!  I love my home and I am living the dream in a modern day "Little Women" kind of way. We have so much fun eating, talking, dreaming, singing, sharing, dancing, and living together.

My life is full. My life is happy and overflowing with amazing memories and true, deep friendships. I am satisfied in the things of God, but my heart and mind can't help but question, "Is there more than this?" I am always on the look out for it. Deep down inside I know I was made for the more. I was made to see the world and, someday,  I know that I will.

It's Time for the More of God...

"One thing I have desired of the LORD, that will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD All the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the LORD, And to inquire in His temple."

Psalm 27:4

I have been pondering for a few days this thought: desiring One thing. I say that I want it, but yet I find myself giving way to the things of the world that fight for my attention every day. When I shut down the voices, it's almost as if I even find myself in opposition to those who are even Believers like myself.

Some people have even questioned my motives of wanting to get away with the Lord. In the past, I used to isolate myself and hide away for fear of connecting with people. What would they think about me if they truly knew me? Would they still like me? All of these kinds of thoughts used to consume my mind. At the end of the day, the only conclusions I came to were just lies.

Yet, I know that I have been healed of many of those deep wounds and today I find myself in a different place. I find myself more and more just longing for the "more" of God! At times, I have felt disconnected from Him and I just want to find that place again. You know, that deep secret place where nothing else matters but His Presence? In that place, the cares and worries of this life just fade away.

I have also recently discovered a place of tension in my own mind of this idea of a lifestyle of fasting and a season of feasting and celebration. They are two separate seasons and at times we can be called into one of the two.

Seasons can be a few months or just a few weeks. It doesn't matter how long, but what matters most is if we are hearing the voice of the Lord for ourselves on what He is calling us to do in this time and place.

Just last month, I was feeling it was a season of feasting and celebration for my personal life. Yet, as this year changed and we are entering into 2011, I am feeling sobered. I am feeling as if it is time to slow down, fast, and pray.

I am feeling like I need to silence all the other voices and shut it all down that I would only hear His voice. I want to know what He is saying in this season. I want to have my heart prepared for what He is bringing. I can only do this if I find myself in the quiet place with Him.

Many others are sensing some of the same things I am writing. They are feeling as if it is time to re-focus so that they may hear His voice. Everytime, I start fasting, I discover that God is truly much more satisfying than all of these "things" of the world. When I simplify my life, I can think more clearly. I can focus on the things that truly matter.

I believe that God is about to do something important in the Body of Christ. He is always moving, but He is doing something new and He wants His children to be prepared and ready to hear His voice that they would obey Him in this hour. I believe that it is critical we get our houses (or better yet our hearts) in order. I have an urgency in my spirit that we need to re-prioritize our lives to focus on Jesus and His ways.

It is so easy for the ways of this world to creep into our day to day lives. It is also easy to give way to that fear and surrender our hearts to it but I believe that God is pouring out the grace for us to turn  away from those things and turn our eyes back to Him. I believe He is giving us the desire to only want the ONE THING. We have tasted and seen that the Lord is good and we WILL want Him.

So, here I am finding myself in this tension of discovering the definition of a LIFESTYLE of fasting as opposed to fasting every once in awhile. Am I ready to give some things up for life?  If so, what are they? Are there things I need to totally surrender for life that I would receive the more from God and become completely satisfied in Him alone? These are the thoughts rummaging through my head this very night.

I just want God. I want more. There has to be more. There is more. He has more for me. All I have to do is ask and He will give it to me. All I have to do is set my gaze on Him and He will open my eyes to a new revelation of who He is.

All I have to do is listen for His voice because He is always speaking straight to my heart with exactly what I need to hear. This season, I have to do what I have to do to get the more. Others may not understand why, but the only voice that matters right now is His for I am walking with Him. Come Lord Jesus.

Love

I can go as I please.

I can run as I may.

Yet, in the end,

You always win.

For Your love is a flame.

It's a fire that burns.

It consumes the deepest part of me.

You know my frame.

You know my name.

You see my weakness.

Yet, You call me lovely.

You want everything I have.

You want everything I am.
I may hide.

I may leave.

Yet, You stay.

You remain.

You are not swayed.

There is no one like You.

I was awakened the other night to a meteor shower. My eyes opened at 3:30 a.m. which is a quite unusual moment of the night to awaken for me. As I was scrolling through the internet trying to keep myself entertained, I discovered that there was a meteor shower from 12:00 a.m. till 5:00 a.m. By the time I actually discovered this information, it was already 4:30 a.m.

I quickly opened up the blinds to see a glimpse of these stars. It was strange because the moment I opened the window, I saw a shooting star! I began to hear the song, "When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are. When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true." I began to think about my dreams and the dreams of these girls in this wonderful home of Laurel Lane. I ended up seeing four shooting stars before my eyes grew heavy and ready to close again.

I really felt that those four shooting stars represented to me the dreams of mine and three of my best friends. I couldn't help but lay my head back down on my pillow and wonder: "What is to become of us God?" This mass exodus we all sense is coming seems closer these days more than ever. No one knows what it will look like or when it will be. We get prophetic words and ponder them in our hearts, but no one really knows what will happen.

These seasons come and go. The days change and the waiting seems like it's almost over. By the use of this word "waiting," I mean the fulfillment of our deepest dreams, the breakthrough. The dreams we have longed for and we know are so close.

Yet, through all of this waiting, God has forged something in the four of us that can never be taken away. We have discovered a redeemed version of family. We have seen a true love that can grow more and more. It has been revealed to us that we can truly go from glory to glory. Things can actually get better!

Who knew that all these years, we would be here in this house full of joys and sweet memories? We seem to cherish the times of fellowship more and more as the days go by. I am amazed that though I have tried to run and hide, the Lord has remained faithful to bring in my life exactly what I have needed: family.

He places the lonely in families and gives them a home. This is a promise that God gives to His children. We are a part of a family and this is why He made us! He wanted relationship. In relationship that is day in and day out, we truly learn about ourselves and the real love of the Father that changes us to the core. I am thankful.

He Never Leaves

Life is full of surprises. It's full of relationships, special moments, amazing memories, sadness, excitement, and fun. Today, I couldn't help but think about all of the relationships in my life and how much they have meant to me. One of my questions to God is: "Why do the seasons change?" Sometimes, I wish some seasons would stay and never change.

Yet, in the cycle of life and time on this Earth, they must. I wish some people could stay right where they are and never leave. I wish I could freeze certain memories in time only to discover that all I have is a picture to suffice. The thing I do know is God is always moving us in directions that will take us on adventures and journeys we never could have imagined.

In the midst of all of the destinations He is guiding us to and leading us through, He never changes. He never gives up on us. He is never ending. He stays the same. Within the human heart we all long for something that will stay and never change. We may have even found ourselves trying to run from this steady love because we don't feel comfortable with consistency, yet He stays.

He shows us about unfailing love. He gives us a love that never fades away with time or changes because of circumstances. He never changes His mind nor is He swayed as He sets His affections towards us. He is not swayed by our doubt or unbelief but He stays the course.

This is powerful to me because all I knew of love was that it changes. It goes away or leaves. I have even heard the words, "I just don't love you anymore." I don't say this for you to feel sorry for me, but I say this to show the power of our God. I say this to show you the difference in a human love that is imperfect to an Agape love from the One who never stops loving. I have come to discover that what I have ever known was not really love at all, but a facade of something that appeared to be so.

Seasons on this Earth come and go. Seasons on this Earth change but the One Lover of our souls chases us down in a way we have never experienced. He never leaves. He never forsakes. He gives us what only He can give.

No other can love as He does and the crazy mystery of all of this is that He is revolutionizing the world with this love through us! He is perfecting His love in us so that we will learn to love as He does. He is giving us eyes to see as He sees.

So take heart friends if you're in a time of transition or you feel that a season is shifting and the winds of change are blowing. Let them blow as they may because there is One who is with you forever.

Come Break The Chains...

"Come break the chains, the chains that hinder love.

All that remains of yester years.

Let Your fire burn, consuming me.

Let Your jealous flame come take away everything.

Let Your fire burn, consuming me.

Let Your jealous flame come take away everything.

Write Your Word upon my heart,

Till all that remains is the Light of Your countenance.

And I will be satisfied when I awaken as a lover of You."

-Misty Edwards (Come Break The Chains)

It's Just Me...

Here I find myself with no words to say.

For the more I see You, the more I see I do not know You.

For how vast are Your seas and how deep are Your wells.

You say, "Just be."

Yet, I strive with all my might to be what You want me to be.

You say, "Just be and that's okay with Me."

Yet, I strive with all my might to get all the answers right.

You say, "Just be and soon you will see that if you just be it's okay with Me."

Therefore, I give up.

I let go.

I give in.

In all my mess,

In all my failures,

In all my strengths.

Here I am.

Here I come.

Here I stand.

No words to say, no right answers to give.

It's just me and that's okay with You.

I Will Return...

"I have been hedged in by thorns on every side.
I have been burned by Your jealous flame.
I've been tested by Your fire.
I've chased my other lovers and I've been turned away,
But as I ache with desire, I will stand and say:

I will return to my first Love.
I will return to the One who loves me.
I will return to my True love.
I will return to the One who loves me.

I have been wounded by Your perfect love.
I have been slain in the desert place.
I've been pursued and overcome.
I've chased my other lovers and I've been turned away,
But as I ache with desire, I will stand and say:

I will return."

-Misty Edwards from the song, "I Will Return"

Beauty In The Wilderness...

Sufferings, trials, and testings. Sometimes, life is just hard. Some seasons require you to ask the Lord for extra strength to walk through. This is what makes this life a journey. This is what makes healing a process. Yet, Paul says, "Count it all joy" for the sake of knowing Christ and sharing with Him in His sufferings.

There is something about suffering that brings us closer to Him. Intimacy can be forged in every season, but even in suffering, a beautiful story can be formed. He is the Author and He is the most amazing Story Teller. He can create the most incredible stories we could never have imagined even if we tried.

Often times, we see a journey of suffering and waiting to be healed as disdainful. It's hard for us to look upon it for what it is. Yet, God sees it as something beautiful. This journey, no matter what it looks like to us, captivates His heart. Therefore, we should ask for His perspective.

When I was in Israel, I saw many mountains, gardens, terrains, and cities, but one place that struck me the most, was the desert. It was the wilderness where Moses led his people that I discovered a beauty. I discovered life in that place. It surprised me because I didn't think life could grow in a barren land. Yet, some of the most beautiful flowers and plants rested in that place.

You would be walking and, all of a sudden, the most beautiful springs of water would lay before you. You would see an animal drinking from the streams like the deer panted for water. In some places, it seemed desolate, but then you would see the most fertile places in the midst of what we would call a desert. It was the most intriguing discovery to me. There is a beauty which can only be found in the wilderness. There is life there.

This discovery led me to think about my own season of this wilderness where I remain as of now. I thought I was out until recently. I was quite distraught about it until I went there myself and found out that Jesus loved the wilderness. He cherished it. John the Baptist lived and thrived in the wilderness.

Amazing things can happen in one's heart in the wilderness. You can see God in a way you never could if you were on the mountain top. You can experience an intimacy that doesn't make sense in any other place.

This beauty can only be found in that place. Therefore, I will remain here until the Lord leads me out. However, when I do come out, I will be found leaning on One who has my heart. I will be found leaning on the One who has been with me till now and will be with me till the end. It is Jesus I want. It is Jesus I long for and I will wait upon Him until He comes.