Monday, January 10, 2011

Where To Next?

So I find myself this very night at 3 a.m. with a mind full of thoughts. No one is awake and it is the perfect time to think. In these moments, creativity is bursting at the seams it feels. I can relate to certain characters in movies or books and when I discover them, it brings a sense of validation to my own eccentricities. 

Tonight, I discovered how similar I am to a Miss Jo March from "Little Women." She was a wild, awkward, writer with a love for her family but yet wrestled with the inward battle of knowing she was made for more than the comfort of home and family. She was also made for war and bringing justice into other worlds outside of her own.

After taking some time away from the technology of this world and the popular social networks, I have found liberation. I have begun to feel free to create again! It has opened me up to become inspired to not only write songs again, or write this beloved novel that has been on my heart for two years now, but dream!


Instead of only being intrigued with other people's lives, I decided to find my own. I have chosen to dream my own dreams! Instead of comparing myself to someone else, I decided to find myself and truly believe again.

Often times I feel as if I am in a box and only those who see me in it think I am what is inside. However, I can never be placed in that box. "You're a singer," one says. "You're a missionary," others say. Why can't I do it all?

One season, I am full of music and instruments and songs! Another season, reveals me in foreign lands among a people I've never met while learning new languages along the way. It takes me to a place of discovering new colors in the life of world culture. Oh how it captivates my heart!

The next season opens me up to a world of words, with writing that is. My mind is full of new ideas, playful characters, and books, or novels rather. I see movies with music and movement as if it were a magnificent dance! It's as if these words come to life through the inspiration of whatever it may be.

All I know, is when the inspiration comes, I feel alive again. I feel that this is what I was made to do: to create!  At the same time, oh how I feel awkward in this place! I cannot be defined as one or the other but many and all!

Is this crazy? Perhaps, but all I need is a small time of separation and something becomes awakened inside of me as if it were a childlike innocence. It's pure. It's sincere. It's playful. It's real.

Where is this life going to take me next?  I have been faithful in this place. I have seen the hand of God move in many amazing ways in this land. I have been able to see other lands in the process of it all, yet I still wonder, where to next? Where is this next destination?

Oh there is so much to discover about this world and I want to see it! I want to write songs in other languages and be able to communicate fluently in many foreign ways!  I love my home and I am living the dream in a modern day "Little Women" kind of way. We have so much fun eating, talking, dreaming, singing, sharing, dancing, and living together.

My life is full. My life is happy and overflowing with amazing memories and true, deep friendships. I am satisfied in the things of God, but my heart and mind can't help but question, "Is there more than this?" I am always on the look out for it. Deep down inside I know I was made for the more. I was made to see the world and, someday,  I know that I will.

2 comments:

Tony said...

You are a daughter and a daughter of the King has access to all parts of His kingdom. You are not defined by your talents but His love!

I love the liberation you have found and can't wait to see it all come to fruition!

tish said...

Funny you wrote this on my birthday..I have been praying the same thing..