As I sit and watch the dark clouds roll in with their ominous appearance, I feel the wind blow. It is the calm before the storm for the waters up ahead seem calm and their waves seem faint within the distance. In the stormy season, it is almost as if I feel at times, "Oh Lord, I cannot bear another storm." It seems this season has been more stormy than the others and it has taken me by surprise.
In these storms, I have felt more weak than I have ever felt. It's as if I have no fight left within me to stand yet again through it all. The storms have increased as my hope has been set upon another. As disappointment has come and tried to make a dwelling place, I have had to stand yet again, striving to believe.
I know that He is doing something within His master plan. For He is the Creator and all He does is perfect, righteous, and true. He is going to those deeper places that no one else can go. He is touching the deeper parts of my heart that no one has ever been before.
In it all, there is pain. For as He has journeyed these hidden places, they have felt tender to the touch. Many tears have come with this process. I have said to Him, "Come and have Your way! Take it all!" Then right after I have felt the thoughts of: "Did I make a mistake? This is too much!"
Though the pain has seemed too great and my dreams haven't seem to come and the wait has felt too long, He has moved. He has made His victories even in my resistance. He moves. He breathes. He fights. He believes even when I don't.
Emotions can come with the storms I never thought I could feel. The questions have come and I have found no answers. When a God comes and transforms a fallen mind and heart, all of what you thought to be true gets shaken. Everything you thought you knew becomes destroyed. It becomes nothing but ashes burning to the ground.
Thankfully, after the dark of the storms have made their path, the morning always comes. The Son rises upon all that was once dark and shines the Light making way for Life to bloom again. How I long for that day. May it come quickly.
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