Monday, February 2, 2009

Simple but Profound...

Like I've said before many times, the struggles you have right now, you take with you wherever you go. You can even fly to another country, but that doesn't mean your problems will disappear. I know this sounds daunting and very un-optimistic as opposed to my other posts. This trip has been amazing and full of joy and new adventures.

However, as I sit here this night in my little room in the basement looking out the small window at the moon, I realize how disconnected I have felt from the Lord with these same issues that have faced me for years. I can't run away from them as they are even in my dreams. Do not be discouraged, these issues are issues of my heart that the Lord is trying to highlight in me. Yet, in my dreams, He is reminding me that I have to deal with them face to face even in a far away land.

I also said, previously, that I felt this was going to be a trip where the Lord was going to heal me in many ways. Maybe not in the ways I was even expecting, but I know He is healing, most importantly, my heart. I had a precious moment with the Lord tonight and just talked with Him about things that I have been asking for throughout many years. There are deep things I have been longing for even regarding healing in my body.

"Lord, I have asked you to heal me before and I have cried over these issues for many years. Will you not come? Are you not faithful?" I said to the Lord. I thought about even the men throughout the Bible who petitioned the Lord over and over again about their issues and He even said no a few times. Yet, the friends of God persisted and kept asking. I thought, "Why not me? Lord, I am Your friend and I am asking again in hopes You will respond."

Ali Amja has prophesied over me two times on this powerful trip and both times were great. However, the second one was the most incredible to me. During a prayer meeting last week, Ali came up to me specifically and laid his hands on my head.

Just that very night, I wanted to ask for prayer, but didn't have the guts to open my mouth. Speaking in his language, Josh translated it all for me. I am telling you that the very thoughts I had in my head that evening, Ali petitioned the Lord for! I could not believe it! God cared enough for me to hear those words from Ali so that I could be encouraged in this place of waiting!

I have a purpose here to serve this family, this I know, but at the same time, God is surprising me in these very rare, quiet moments, like right before I go to bed. Wham! Jehovah Sneaky will throw His sneak attack and meet with me in a profound way! I have to be honest, my times with the Lord have been very Brother Lawrence like and I've had to practice the presence of God even in the busiest days with the children.

I feel Him in cleaning poopy diapers, cleaning up chili off of a one year old little boy's face, trying to break up fights over toys, etc. Practicing the presence of God is something I am used to doing here, but I am missing the quiet times with the Lord where I can just get a good cry in and let it all out. I picture myself just crying on His shoulder and letting Him love on me.

All this to say, the Lord met with me tonight and He didn't tell me I need to fast more, or pray more, or read the Word more. No, He told me that He loved me. Very simply, "I love you Mary Katherine and you are worth the good gifts I have for you." Even as I type this, I feel His presence so strongly and I am being brought to tears yet again. It's those simple words from Him alone that can heal any soul. I pray I may abide in His love all my days and I pray you will do the same. Blessings from the Middle East.


tish said...

Kat...Can I tell you I feel the same way here where I am at. Practicing the presence of the Lord. My question is will it always be like this?

Fern said...

They sell doors like this at the Adam & Eve salvage junk yard up in West Palm :) Beautiful!