Seasons of Life...

The Ehrenzeller Wedding October 1st, 2011

2011-11-08T00:38:00.000-05:00

It was the best day of our lives. On October 1st, 2011, I married the man of my dreams. I never truly believed that one could be this happy but God has proven me wrong and given me the desire of my heart! "Hope deferred makes the heart grow sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life." This, my friends, is bringing so much joy and life to my soul! I have loved Andrew Ehrenzeller from a distance for 3 years but never really knew it until this year. I am so thankful that God has been faithful to His promises for He never disappoints!

Andrew and I have always had a connection and a chemistry that we just couldn't deny or fight. It was the Lord drawing us closer and closer until the veil was lifted and Andrew realized that I was the one for him. The day he told me, "Mary Kat, I am in love with you." is a day I will never forget. I was pinching myself when he said those powerful words to me. Little did I know, a few months later we would be happily married. I am now one of the happiest women alive.

Nothing is ever perfect and absolute utopia but for the first time in my life, I feel at rest and much more complete than ever before. God uses Andrew to sanctify me everyday and I am grateful to Him for such an amazing gift who is perfect for me. I love Andrew Ehrenzeller!! Blessings and may you experience a life of God revealing how much He loves you with good gifts. He loves to lavish upon us amazing treasures!

Here is just a sneak peak from our wedding. I will update again soon. Until then, I hope you enjoy!

Another Storm...

2011-07-14T19:32:00.003-04:00

As I sit and watch the dark clouds roll in with their ominous appearance, I feel the wind blow. It is the calm before the storm for the waters up ahead seem calm and their waves seem faint within the distance. In the stormy season, it is almost as if I feel at times, "Oh Lord, I cannot bear another storm." It seems this season has been more stormy than the others and it has taken me by surprise.

In these storms, I have felt more weak than I have ever felt. It's as if I have no fight left within me to stand yet again through it all. The storms have increased as my hope has been set upon another. As disappointment has come and tried to make a dwelling place, I have had to stand yet again, striving to believe.

I know that He is doing something within His master plan. For He is the Creator and all He does is perfect, righteous, and true. He is going to those deeper places that no one else can go. He is touching the deeper parts of my heart that no one has ever been before.

In it all, there is pain. For as He has journeyed these hidden places, they have felt tender to the touch. Many tears have come with this process. I have said to Him, "Come and have You way! Take it all!" Then right after I have felt the thoughts of: "Did I make a mistake? This is too much!"

Though the pain has seemed too great and my dreams haven't seem to come and the wait has felt too long, He has moved. He has made His victories even in my resistance. He moves. He breathes. He fights. He believes even when I don't.

Emotions can come with the storms I never thought I could feel. The questions have come and I have found no answers. When a God comes and transforms a fallen mind and heart, all of what you thought to be true gets shaken. Everything you thought you knew becomes destroyed. It becomes nothing but ashes burning to the ground.

Thankfully, after the dark of the storms have made their path, the morning always comes. The Son rises upon all that was once dark and shines the Light making way for Life to bloom again. How I long for that day. May it come quickly.

It's Only A Season...

2011-07-08T19:22:00.005-04:00

In times of transition, we can lose our footing. It's almost like God lets us lose ourselves that we would find ourselves all over again. Some seasons you can become comfortable and there is an ease and a familiarity in it all.

Those seasons are almost like a sense of home where you can come and just rest. You know where all the bathrooms are located. You know where all the dishes are in the kitchen, including the cleaning supplies and trash bags. You know the junk drawers well and even exactly how long the junk has been in there!

Yet, in transition, your identity can be tested. The questions can rummage through your mind of: "Who am I really?" You don't know where anything is. You've never even seen this place before.

It's uncomfortable and, at times, your heart can't even comprehend what is actually happening. You feel like you're going crazy or, better yet, you think it's the devil. However, most of the time, it's God shaking what can be shaken in your heart so only He can remain. He shakes the things we are trying to identify ourselves with that are not of Him.

He will tear us down to build us back up. He has been known to do this all throughout the Bible and He's really good at it. I love the quote that Kristine Mueller sings: "Redemption is so much better than perfection." These words have riveted straight through my heart because God is not about us being perfect in our own strife, but redeeming us from ourselves!

He wants to break us down that He can remake us. He wants to take away everything we have relied upon to make ourselves perfect in our own strength. He desires for only His fingerprints to remain that we would see His power.

Yes, we know the truth is that we have been made new in Christ. Yet, it didn't stop at salvation. No. He continues to make us new more and more everyday! He continues to strip off the old man making us more like Him!

So, as I speak to myself and you, take heart! If you are in a transitional season, this means there is movement. Movement means there is LIFE happening and it's happening all around you! It's time to rejoice for joy comes in the morning. Change is challenging but being made more into His image? Why not? Though it be painful at the time, it truly is worth it. Be encouraged, it's just a season.

Come and Have Your Way

2011-07-08T18:37:00.003-04:00

Though the storm may surround me, I will not fear. The clouds may grow dark and low, yet I will not fear. In the chaos and confusion, you teach to me how to trust. When I cannot see ahead, You are my Light.

When I cannot hope, You breathe it in me. Though my head fall to the ground, You come and lift me up. You never give up on me. You never leave me. You never let me go. You are not a man that You should lie or turn from Your promises.

Your faithfulness stands firm forever. Your Word is eternal. In grief or sorrow, You understand. You know the pain for it is not unfamiliar. You are a God who comprehends the small and tender heart. You alone truly fight for it. You alone stay the same. You alone never change or are inconsistent.

You say it, You believe it, You do it, You are it, You live it, and You are. Why should I fear when the storms come my way? Let this wind blow where it may. I will stop fighting. I let go. You win. I give in. Just come and have Your way.

Come and take it all. For when I have sought my other lovers, they turned their backs on me but only You stayed. As I set my eyes on what lays before me, I only see You. I will not struggle. I will not hide. Where else can I go? Where else can I run? I have no other options. I choose You. Come and have Your way.

It's Time To Fly...

2011-05-21T01:09:00.003-04:00

After another day of disappointment, my heart hurts. Today, I realized that I need to take more risks. I thought I was a risk taker but it's time to risk even more. I have dreams in my heart, but it's time to stop being afraid. I am about to attempt a dream that has been in my heart for years. I don't see how it will be possible in such a short amount of time but, with God, the possibilities are endless. Lord please let this work. It's time for me to fly again. This time, I need to go it alone.

Artists' Self Promotion?

2011-05-12T13:08:00.000-04:00

Lately, I've been asking a lot of questions to the Lord regarding this idea of artists' self-promotion. Is trying to sell your art self-promotion? How do you NOT promote yourself? Is it okay to promote yourself if you are an artist? If you have to promote yourself to get somewhere, what is the point? These are some of the questions rummaging through my head as of late. I don't feel we need to strive to promote ourselves to get places we would like to be.

I feel this tension between wanting people to enjoy what I have created as an artist and letting the Lord alone discover the treasures of my work. Yet, maybe some work is meant to be heard by others and some is only for Him. It's all for His glory anyway right? Yet, perhaps my personal convictions are different than others. Perhaps it's not okay for me and it's okay for someone else.

Honestly? I just long to be in the secret place. If someone discovers what I have written, so be it. If not, the Lord will provide for all my needs and He will get the glory. At the end of the day, I don't want to write songs so someone can give me money because it was a hit. I long for God to be revealed in it all! I long for people's lives to be changed. That's the point. Now in that, someone has to discover it somehow. How does that happen without self-promoting?

Whether I am singing just for Him or in front of others, He gets the glory. Let us not forget who this is all for anyway. Let's celebrate one another, exhort one another, but always in thankfulness to what the Lord has done. For He has done great things and He continues to do great things through us. What are your thoughts?

Trust...

2011-05-11T15:34:00.006-04:00

It can be a battle when all you have to do is trust.

The questions lie within you, why should I?

It takes time.

You can't trust just anyone.

Yet what about the words, "Love always trusts?"

It should be so simple and it was meant to be.

Yet, time and time again others fail you and let you down.
You find it a struggle to believe the best.

No one has attained perfection.

Where is your hope?

It lies within no person.

Only One will never disappoint.

Continue to risk.

For what is life if it is hidden in self-protection?

You can never live hiding from those who might hurt you.

So, here goes.

Take the step.

Choose to risk even though your flesh resists.

Choose to believe even when it hurts.
In this, you will discover true love.

None Like You...

2011-03-29T22:29:00.002-04:00

Where can I run where You will not find me?

Where can I go where You will not see?

Your eyes are on me always.

Your gaze is on me always.

Where can I lay my head?

Where is my home?

Where is my hiding place?

I find it in You.

You don't push me away.

You invite me to stay.
You beckon me to come.
Through it all, You remain.
Through the storm, You remain.
Through the calm, You remain.
You never change.

There is none like You.

Take Heart...

2011-03-29T06:03:00.004-04:00

In life we can face many trials, sufferings, joys, dreams, adventures, hopes, and fears. I awoke this morning at 4:30 a.m., which is an usual time for me as I am not a morning person. I heard the words of Jesus so clearly from John 16:33, "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, for I have overcome the world." Even Jesus said we would have trouble but in all of it we must never lose heart. Instead, we take it! We must take heart and take ground!

I was also awakened to the sound of a song written by Laura Hackett with these words: "The battle is raging, the battle is raging. I don't wanna be sleeping, while the battle is raging. I don't fight as one who beats the air, give me eyes to see and ears to hear." These words riveted right through my heart this early morning. As much as I would like to live in a world full of utopia and good feelings, the truth is that there is a battle going on and it's raging.

We do have victory in Him. We win. This is our hope and that is why He says, "Take heart!!!" At the same time, we must never lose the awareness of this raging battle and of an enemy that would love to take us out. We need eyes to see and ears to hear what is REALLY going on.

We do not fight as one just beating the air as Paul the apostle proclaimed. We are not fighting just to fight. We fight the good fight of faith. We fight in believing God is who He says that He is. This throws down strongholds and the high places that exalt themselves against the knowledge of God. This destroys the schemes of the enemy and shifts things in the Heavens. It defeats the Goliaths in our lives as David faced.

Every time we believe God and His Word, it becomes another stone to destroy the giants of fear that try to take us out. These little "stones" are our steps of faith. They may seem small at times and they may feel like they aren't really doing much, but the reality is they are. David had only three and they were small, yet each one targeted the giant in such a way, they eventually destroyed him.

We never give the enemy glory, for "Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world." Yet, we can't escape this war. We were made for this war and we have what it takes to overcome it for He dwells inside of us. Therefore, we don't run from the battle, we face it knowing the prize awaits us on the other side.

There are many lies a person can believe in trial and in fear. They can seem overwhelming at the time and try to make one believe something that is not true about his or her identity. Yet the truth must always remain right in front of us as if it were a mirror.

This truth is of His love for us and who we REALLY are. Even on our worst day, the Lord never changes His mind about us. He calls us lovely. He calls us chosen. He calls us qualified. He stays the same. These are our stones we can use to destroy those giants. Therefore, we take heart. We never lose hope. We. Have. Victory.

You Call Me Lovely...

2011-01-26T23:16:00.005-05:00

You call me lovely.

You call me beautiful.

You are not swayed.
You are not moved by my lack of faith or unbelief in You.

You are not swayed.

You are not moved when I try to hide or when I run from You.

You call me lovely.

You call me beautiful.

You stay.

You stay, You stay the same.

No matter what my circumstances try to tell me.

No matter what the voices try to convince me.

If You notice the sparrow,

How can You miss my face?

If You notice the sparrow,

How can you miss my presence?

For You made my frame.

You gave me my name.

And you saved me from the death I was layin' in.

You breathed Your life in me.

You spoke Your light in me and You called me beautiful.

You call me lovely.

You call me beautiful.

For this is who I am.

This is one of the songs I have been working on for two years now. Although, I don't feel it is quite complete for it could go on forever, it is almost done. I have been thinking about our fears and how they drive us to do the craziest things. When in fear, we make unwise choices and abort the very things that God wants to bring into our lives. I have been known to do it time and time again.

However, the Lord sat me down this very night and whispered in my ear, "I have never left. I have never strayed. My love lasts through eternity and all of the ages. It has never let you down or disappointed you. Your trust lies in Me. For I am your hope. You are safe and always have been." His words led me to write these very words above.

He calls us beautiful. He calls us lovely. We rest in what He says we are, not what the voices of the world or condemnation try to tell us we are. Our identity rests in Him and it always has. This is where we truly find life and freedom to just be. Thank you Jesus. I am grateful that You remain and that You are faithful.

The First Wind of Change Has Arrived...

2011-01-21T00:35:00.007-05:00

"Change comes as surely as the seasons but twice as fast." -From the movie "Little Women"

As a house, we have decided to get a "house journal" and begin writing our story as a family. In the Fall, the Lord told me our time was short to live all together and we should enjoy it while we could treasuring every moment.

Well, I have been feeling the winds of change and today the first of them arrived. My heart is beating so fast even as I type these words. When this wind blew through our house this very evening, it was not as if we didn't know it was coming. We just didn't know how it would come.

Ofcourse, we knew there would be many "suddenlys" that would take place in our lives this year and this was the first of them. I must admit, I was shocked and quite fearful when it first arrived into our kitchen. My mouth dropped and I didn't know how to respond but it's here. It is here and we welcome it.

What will happen next? I don't know, but time is changing no matter how much I try to stop it. Lord help us. Lord guide us. Lord be with us. We walk in this faith for this is the only chance we get in this life to do so. In Heaven, there is no need for faith so, here goes.

In The Quiet...

2011-01-19T22:08:00.004-05:00

How hard it is to fight for the stillness. I find myself more and more in the midst of this movement and transition in life being pulled one way here and another way there. Tonight, I couldn't do it. I finally had to silence it all.

My mind has been going ninety to nothin' all day with the life questions and the cares of this world. No matter how much possibilities change and people move around, one thing remains: Him. He is our home if we will let Him be just that.

In the world of technology, smart phones, and easy access to internet, we have people at our finger tips. We can constantly be reached via text, google talk, voicemail, e-mail, facebook, twitter, etc. How hard is it to simplify our lives and our minds?

How hard is it to just rest? I rested from a little bit of the social networking for a few days and I have to say it was quite refreshing. My mind felt at peace. It felt free to think about my priorities. I was able to get things in order.

A wise leader of mine challenged me recently to simplify my mind and realign my priorities again. It was yet another reminder of what the Lord has been telling me to do for this entire season. Oh to have the quiet place.

Yet, it's not the circumstances that bring this peace. It comes from within. God is longing for me to be quiet within my soul. He is longing for me to be still within my soul. He longs for me to trust Him with every plan, dream, and journey that lies ahead.

What lies ahead? I am not really sure. I have hunches and assumptions here and there. I sense certain things, but until it all unfolds, I walk this road blindly while holding onto His hand. Yet, thinking about my history in God, I have been able to trust Him in every trial and every concern.

With all of my questions, He has always answered them and He has never been late but always right on time. This is what I hope in: His love. It's this Father's love that keeps me going. It lifts my head when I've lost my hope and when discouragement has come to whisper in my ear, "You're not going to make it. Quit while you're ahead."

It's this love that seems to overtake the voices of doubt and fear. It's His love that roars like a lion to my enemies, "Shut your mouth! No more! Silent!" They listen to it and they stop at the sound of His voice because He reigns.

He has been reigning all this time and He has never left the throne. I am thankful for His faithfulness. It does last through the ages and it gives me resolve to continue walking this road. For on this journey, I am not alone.

Amelia

2011-01-11T23:43:00.021-05:00

There are some people who capture your heart from the moment you meet them. It's as if they have a beautiful world all their own that everyone wants to be a part of. This would only be a glimpse of Amelia. She was elegant, full of life, vigor, adventure, justice, and the fight. She stumbled upon Laurel Lane after a journey through Israel and all of its' surprises.

She spent a summer there to learn more about government and foreign policies in the country, which made sense when you grew to know her. Why her favorite movies were always about war torn countries and bringing justice to far away lands. She also knew what life was like to have abundant favor as well as learning how to live with little.

She became an orphan all before her 25th birthday. She lost her mother when she was young and then her father a few years ago. She understood deep loss and grief ,yet she lived with joy and the most abundant love one could imagine. Her heart was so big that nations could dwell there.

All that proceeded from her mouth was empowering words that infused courage into one's soul. She saw people and allowed space in her heart for them to come. Every person that grew to know her felt powerful around her for that's just the kind of girl she was. She was powerful and she enjoyed watching others become powerful too.

Often times, the other girls wondered what lied inside that heart of hers. She seemed so private at times that it was almost too quiet. What were Amelia's dreams? She had so many and sometimes, she felt free to share with the others but she still held back. Yet, the girls enjoyed her company so much they seemed to get caught up inside her universe of a fun, playground of adventures instead of prying for her to divulge information.

She never lacked grand ideas, whether it be trips around the world, to excursions through the city, amazing restaurants to discover, kayaking, or even sailing. There was always something exciting about to burst from the seams of her heart. She was loved and deeply so for no one could replace Amelia. She was the perfect fit and the last addition to the house. At last, the girls of Laurel Lane were complete.

Where To Next?

2011-01-10T03:37:00.018-05:00

So I find myself this very night at 3 a.m. with a mind full of thoughts. No one is awake and it is the perfect time to think. In these moments, creativity is bursting at the seams it feels. I can relate to certain characters in movies or books and when I discover them, it brings a sense of validation to my own eccentricities.

Tonight, I discovered how similar I am to a Miss Jo March from "Little Women." She was a wild, awkward, writer with a love for her family but yet wrestled with the inward battle of knowing she was made for more than the comfort of home and family. She was also made for war and bringing justice into other worlds outside of her own.

After taking some time away from the technology of this world and the popular social networks, I have found liberation. I have begun to feel free to create again! It has opened me up to become inspired to not only write songs again, or write this beloved novel that has been on my heart for two years now, but dream!

Instead of only being intrigued with other people's lives, I decided to find my own. I have chosen to dream my own dreams! Instead of comparing myself to someone else, I decided to find myself and truly believe again.

Often times I feel as if I am in a box and only those who see me in it think I am what is inside. However, I can never be placed in that box. "You're a singer," one says. "You're a missionary," others say. Why can't I do it all?

One season, I am full of music and instruments and songs! Another season, reveals me in foreign lands among a people I've never met while learning new languages along the way. It takes me to a place of discovering new colors in the life of world culture. Oh how it captivates my heart!

The next season opens me up to a world of words, with writing that is. My mind is full of new ideas, playful characters, and books, or novels rather. I see movies with music and movement as if it were a magnificent dance! It's as if these words come to life through the inspiration of whatever it may be.

All I know, is when the inspiration comes, I feel alive again. I feel that this is what I was made to do: to create! At the same time, oh how I feel awkward in this place! I cannot be defined as one or the other but many and all!

Is this crazy? Perhaps, but all I need is a small time of separation and something becomes awakened inside of me as if it were a childlike innocence. It's pure. It's sincere. It's playful. It's real.

Where is this life going to take me next? I have been faithful in this place. I have seen the hand of God move in many amazing ways in this land. I have been able to see other lands in the process of it all, yet I still wonder, where to next? Where is this next destination?

Oh there is so much to discover about this world and I want to see it! I want to write songs in other languages and be able to communicate fluently in many foreign ways! I love my home and I am living the dream in a modern day "Little Women" kind of way. We have so much fun eating, talking, dreaming, singing, sharing, dancing, and living together.

My life is full. My life is happy and overflowing with amazing memories and true, deep friendships. I am satisfied in the things of God, but my heart and mind can't help but question, "Is there more than this?" I am always on the look out for it. Deep down inside I know I was made for the more. I was made to see the world and, someday, I know that I will.

It's Time for the More of God...

2011-01-05T01:55:00.002-05:00

"One thing I have desired of the LORD, that will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD All the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the LORD, And to inquire in His temple."

Psalm 27:4

I have been pondering for a few days this thought: desiring One thing. I say that I want it, but yet I find myself giving way to the things of the world that fight for my attention every day. When I shut down the voices, it's almost as if I even find myself in opposition to those who are even Believers like myself.

Some people have even questioned my motives of wanting to get away with the Lord. In the past, I used to isolate myself and hide away for fear of connecting with people. What would they think about me if they truly knew me? Would they still like me? All of these kinds of thoughts used to consume my mind. At the end of the day, the only conclusions I came to were just lies.

Yet, I know that I have been healed of many of those deep wounds and today I find myself in a different place. I find myself more and more just longing for the "more" of God! At times, I have felt disconnected from Him and I just want to find that place again. You know, that deep secret place where nothing else matters but His Presence? In that place, the cares and worries of this life just fade away.

I have also recently discovered a place of tension in my own mind of this idea of a lifestyle of fasting and a season of feasting and celebration. They are two separate seasons and at times we can be called into one of the two.

Seasons can be a few months or just a few weeks. It doesn't matter how long, but what matters most is if we are hearing the voice of the Lord for ourselves on what He is calling us to do in this time and place.

Just last month, I was feeling it was a season of feasting and celebration for my personal life. Yet, as this year changed and we are entering into 2011, I am feeling sobered. I am feeling as if it is time to slow down, fast, and pray.

I am feeling like I need to silence all the other voices and shut it all down that I would only hear His voice. I want to know what He is saying in this season. I want to have my heart prepared for what He is bringing. I can only do this if I find myself in the quiet place with Him.

Many others are sensing some of the same things I am writing. They are feeling as if it is time to re-focus so that they may hear His voice. Everytime, I start fasting, I discover that God is truly much more satisfying than all of these "things" of the world. When I simplify my life, I can think more clearly. I can focus on the things that truly matter.

I believe that God is about to do something important in the Body of Christ. He is always moving, but He is doing something new and He wants His children to be prepared and ready to hear His voice that they would obey Him in this hour. I believe that it is critical we get our houses (or better yet our hearts) in order. I have an urgency in my spirit that we need to re-prioritize our lives to focus on Jesus and His ways.

It is so easy for the ways of this world to creep into our day to day lives. It is also easy to give way to that fear and surrender our hearts to it but I believe that God is pouring out the grace for us to turn away from those things and turn our eyes back to Him. I believe He is giving us the desire to only want the ONE THING. We have tasted and seen that the Lord is good and we WILL want Him.

So, here I am finding myself in this tension of discovering the definition of a LIFESTYLE of fasting as opposed to fasting every once in awhile. Am I ready to give some things up for life? If so, what are they? Are there things I need to totally surrender for life that I would receive the more from God and become completely satisfied in Him alone? These are the thoughts rummaging through my head this very night.

I just want God. I want more. There has to be more. There is more. He has more for me. All I have to do is ask and He will give it to me. All I have to do is set my gaze on Him and He will open my eyes to a new revelation of who He is.

All I have to do is listen for His voice because He is always speaking straight to my heart with exactly what I need to hear. This season, I have to do what I have to do to get the more. Others may not understand why, but the only voice that matters right now is His for I am walking with Him. Come Lord Jesus.

Love

2010-12-22T14:30:00.014-05:00

I can go as I please.

I can run as I may.

Yet, in the end,

You always win.

For Your love is a flame.

It's a fire that burns.

It consumes the deepest part of me.

You know my frame.

You know my name.

You see my weakness.

Yet, You call me lovely.

You want everything I have.

You want everything I am.
I may hide.

I may leave.

Yet, You stay.

You remain.

You are not swayed.

There is no one like You.

I was awakened the other night to a meteor shower. My eyes opened at 3:30 a.m. which is a quite unusual moment of the night to awaken for me. As I was scrolling through the internet trying to keep myself entertained, I discovered that there was a meteor shower from 12:00 a.m. till 5:00 a.m. By the time I actually discovered this information, it was already 4:30 a.m.

I quickly opened up the blinds to see a glimpse of these stars. It was strange because the moment I opened the window, I saw a shooting star! I began to hear the song, "When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are. When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true." I began to think about my dreams and the dreams of these girls in this wonderful home of Laurel Lane. I ended up seeing four shooting stars before my eyes grew heavy and ready to close again.

I really felt that those four shooting stars represented to me the dreams of mine and three of my best friends. I couldn't help but lay my head back down on my pillow and wonder: "What is to become of us God?" This mass exodus we all sense is coming seems closer these days more than ever. No one knows what it will look like or when it will be. We get prophetic words and ponder them in our hearts, but no one really knows what will happen.

These seasons come and go. The days change and the waiting seems like it's almost over. By the use of this word "waiting," I mean the fulfillment of our deepest dreams, the breakthrough. The dreams we have longed for and we know are so close.

Yet, through all of this waiting, God has forged something in the four of us that can never be taken away. We have discovered a redeemed version of family. We have seen a true love that can grow more and more. It has been revealed to us that we can truly go from glory to glory. Things can actually get better!

Who knew that all these years, we would be here in this house full of joys and sweet memories? We seem to cherish the times of fellowship more and more as the days go by. I am amazed that though I have tried to run and hide, the Lord has remained faithful to bring in my life exactly what I have needed: family.

He places the lonely in families and gives them a home. This is a promise that God gives to His children. We are a part of a family and this is why He made us! He wanted relationship. In relationship that is day in and day out, we truly learn about ourselves and the real love of the Father that changes us to the core. I am thankful.

He Never Leaves

2010-12-16T16:50:00.002-05:00

Life is full of surprises. It's full of relationships, special moments, amazing memories, sadness, excitement, and fun. Today, I couldn't help but think about all of the relationships in my life and how much they have meant to me. One of my questions to God is: "Why do the seasons change?" Sometimes, I wish some seasons would stay and never change.

Yet, in the cycle of life and time on this Earth, they must. I wish some people could stay right where they are and never leave. I wish I could freeze certain memories in time only to discover that all I have is a picture to suffice. The thing I do know is God is always moving us in directions that will take us on adventures and journeys we never could have imagined.

In the midst of all of the destinations He is guiding us to and leading us through, He never changes. He never gives up on us. He is never ending. He stays the same. Within the human heart we all long for something that will stay and never change. We may have even found ourselves trying to run from this steady love because we don't feel comfortable with consistency, yet He stays.

He shows us about unfailing love. He gives us a love that never fades away with time or changes because of circumstances. He never changes His mind nor is He swayed as He sets His affections towards us. He is not swayed by our doubt or unbelief but He stays the course.

This is powerful to me because all I knew of love was that it changes. It goes away or leaves. I have even heard the words, "I just don't love you anymore." I don't say this for you to feel sorry for me, but I say this to show the power of our God. I say this to show you the difference in a human love that is imperfect to an Agape love from the One who never stops loving. I have come to discover that what I have ever known was not really love at all, but a facade of something that appeared to be so.

Seasons on this Earth come and go. Seasons on this Earth change but the One Lover of our souls chases us down in a way we have never experienced. He never leaves. He never forsakes. He gives us what only He can give.

No other can love as He does and the crazy mystery of all of this is that He is revolutionizing the world with this love through us! He is perfecting His love in us so that we will learn to love as He does. He is giving us eyes to see as He sees.

So take heart friends if you're in a time of transition or you feel that a season is shifting and the winds of change are blowing. Let them blow as they may because there is One who is with you forever.

Come Break The Chains...

2010-08-09T08:24:00.003-04:00

"Come break the chains, the chains that hinder love.

All that remains of yester years.

Let Your fire burn, consuming me.

Let Your jealous flame come take away everything.

Let Your fire burn, consuming me.

Let Your jealous flame come take away everything.

Write Your Word upon my heart,

Till all that remains is the Light of Your countenance.

And I will be satisfied when I awaken as a lover of You."

-Misty Edwards (Come Break The Chains)

It's Just Me...

2010-08-07T23:19:00.000-04:00

Here I find myself with no words to say.

For the more I see You, the more I see I do not know You.

For how vast are Your seas and how deep are Your wells.

You say, "Just be."

Yet, I strive with all my might to be what You want me to be.

You say, "Just be and that's okay with Me."

Yet, I strive with all my might to get all the answers right.

You say, "Just be and soon you will see that if you just be it's okay with Me."

Therefore, I give up.

I let go.

I give in.

In all my mess,

In all my failures,

In all my strengths.

Here I am.

Here I come.

Here I stand.

No words to say, no right answers to give.

It's just me and that's okay with You.

I Will Return...

2010-08-06T15:46:00.003-04:00

"I have been hedged in by thorns on every side.
I have been burned by Your jealous flame.
I've been tested by Your fire.
I've chased my other lovers and I've been turned away,
But as I ache with desire, I will stand and say:

I will return to my first Love.
I will return to the One who loves me.
I will return to my True love.
I will return to the One who loves me.

I have been wounded by Your perfect love.
I have been slain in the desert place.
I've been pursued and overcome.
I've chased my other lovers and I've been turned away,
But as I ache with desire, I will stand and say:

I will return."

-Misty Edwards from the song, "I Will Return"

Beauty In The Wilderness...

2010-08-05T09:13:00.008-04:00

Sufferings, trials, and testings. Sometimes, life is just hard. Some seasons require you to ask the Lord for extra strength to walk through. This is what makes this life a journey. This is what makes healing a process. Yet, Paul says, "Count it all joy" for the sake of knowing Christ and sharing with Him in His sufferings.

There is something about suffering that brings us closer to Him. Intimacy can be forged in every season, but even in suffering, a beautiful story can be formed. He is the Author and He is the most amazing Story Teller. He can create the most incredible stories we could never have imagined even if we tried.

Often times, we see a journey of suffering and waiting to be healed as disdainful. It's hard for us to look upon it for what it is. Yet, God sees it as something beautiful. This journey, no matter what it looks like to us, captivates His heart. Therefore, we should ask for His perspective.

When I was in Israel, I saw many mountains, gardens, terrains, and cities, but one place that struck me the most, was the desert. It was the wilderness where Moses led his people that I discovered a beauty. I discovered life in that place. It surprised me because I didn't think life could grow in a barren land. Yet, some of the most beautiful flowers and plants rested in that place.

You would be walking and, all of a sudden, the most beautiful springs of water would lay before you. You would see an animal drinking from the streams like the deer panted for water. In some places, it seemed desolate, but then you would see the most fertile places in the midst of what we would call a desert. It was the most intriguing discovery to me. There is a beauty which can only be found in the wilderness. There is life there.

This discovery led me to think about my own season of this wilderness where I remain as of now. I thought I was out until recently. I was quite distraught about it until I went there myself and found out that Jesus loved the wilderness. He cherished it. John the Baptist lived and thrived in the wilderness.

Amazing things can happen in one's heart in the wilderness. You can see God in a way you never could if you were on the mountain top. You can experience an intimacy that doesn't make sense in any other place.

This beauty can only be found in that place. Therefore, I will remain here until the Lord leads me out. However, when I do come out, I will be found leaning on One who has my heart. I will be found leaning on the One who has been with me till now and will be with me till the end. It is Jesus I want. It is Jesus I long for and I will wait upon Him until He comes.

A Birthday Celebration In Jerusalem...

2010-07-24T05:02:00.015-04:00

Words cannot begin to express how amazing it feels to be hearing Hebrew in the background of a cafe in one of the first Christian churches of Jerusalem. Across the street from me is the Tower of King David. Today is the Sabbath, and this is the ancient city.

This is the HOLY city. This is where Jesus walked. These are the people He loved so deeply. I am truly grateful for this incredible opportunity.

They gave us the room 31, today I turn 31, and last night during the Shabbat meal, they read from Proverbs 31. The Lord told me that it was a significant chapter for me this year before we even came on this trip.

As they read the scriptures, my eyes began to fill up with tears being overwhelmed at God's goodness. He spoke and I heard Him. He was right. He is teaching me how to be a wife of the King of all Kings. He is my Husband. His promises stand firm forever and He is faithful. I don't know what else to say. I am here and it is a dream come true.

Israel, in a very strange way almost feels like home. I know that I will travel to many places, but I definitely feel that I will return to this place again someday. It sounds crazy saying things like that for Israel is a once in a lifetime trip. However, I feel it's just the beginning of many more visits to come.

It isn't what I expected as it appears much differently than it once was. Yet, I feel the Lord in this place so strongly. Our times as a team have been incredible with amazing songs of praise being lifted up! From the mountain tops of the desert, to the hotel rooms of Tel Aviv, God has been praised through our songs. Others have even joined us as we have met together.

We have encountered the Holy Spirit in this Holy Land and it has been spectacular. We have prophesied over this place that Jerusalem will once again be gathered and will once again draw near to Yeshua.

I wish there was more time to truly experience the culture and the people here. Yet, I do believe someday that will happen. This tour is only a taste of this amazing land. God is good. Praise be to Yeshua.

The Keeper of My Heart...

2010-07-17T15:24:00.004-04:00

When grief has filled my heart,

When this journey looks dim,

When I cannot find the path,

When I cannot see ahead of me, You come.

You draw near to me.

While my face is to the floor,

You come and lift my head.

You open my eyes to see Your face.

When I behold your eyes upon me,

I am moved and can see the truth.

I look back and see the lies I once believed.

I begin to feel a sense of hope again.

You are not one who will change.

You are not one who will abandon.

You are not one who will relent.

You are not ashamed of my weakness.

You are the one who keeps His promise.

You are the faithful friend who never forsakes.

You are closer than a brother.

You are the keeper of my heart.

You will not let me go.
You will fight for me.

You will believe in me.

You will stay with me forever.

Here With Me Now

2010-07-03T21:38:00.002-04:00

"Just knowing You're here with me now. It changes everything. Just knowing You're here with me now. It changes everything Lord."

"I thought that I had to make it on my own, but You stopped that and claimed me as Your own. You called me Yours."

"So don't give up on me now. I need You strong when I'm weak. Hold on and believe in me when my heart just can't figure out what it wants. Please give me a reason to trust You'll still fight for me."

"Just don't give up on me now cause I'm scared and I need You strong when I'm weak. Hold on and believe in me when my heart just can't figure out what it wants. Please give me a reason to trust You'll still fight for me."

-Laura Hackett "Here With Me Now"

It's Just Around The River Bend...

2010-07-03T10:23:00.003-04:00

Trials and circumstances can sometimes seem overwhelming. Sometimes you feel like you will never overcome them and then the morning comes. The sun rises again and shines it's beautiful light through your window. These hard times can seem as if you are moving down a river looking for your destination.

It seems as if your boat cannot move fast enough or you cannot seem to move your oars hard enough through the water. It seems as if you've been searching for this destination forever.

You've almost lost your strength and you feel as if you cannot lift your arms anymore. Yet, just as you thought you couldn't go one more inch, you see a glimpse of land. You see your resting place at a distance. You see your home. Suddenly, it's the breakthrough right before you.

You've been asking for it. You have pressed in for it. You have tried with all your might to believe. Now it stands right before you. It was just around the river bend. You didn't know it until you saw it but the day has finally arrived. It is here. Your victory has come.

Journey Of A Lifetime...

2010-07-02T15:15:00.001-04:00

Romans 8: 19
"Creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed."

This is my call and this is my journey. My portion is Your inheritance and all that is Yours belongs to me. You are my Father and I will be found Your daughter forever.

Make Room...

2010-06-28T09:04:00.007-04:00

Make room for the King.

Pave the way for His coming.

Silence the other voices.

Tear down these idols.

Do what you have to do.

Have the courage to stand.

Make the bold declaration,

For He alone reigns.

No other voice shall be heard,

For He roars like a lion through the land.

He is fully God and fully man.

Who can compare to His greatness?

There will be none to defeat Him.
Not one will take His place.

He shall last through the ages never to depart.

He will remain when all have faded away.

Simplicity...

2010-06-26T21:38:00.003-04:00

I long for the more of You God and I will go the way You desire. I will take the simple way of life to find You. Just show me the way and give me the courage to go. I love You Lord and I long to hear Your voice.

My Salvation...

2010-06-26T09:08:00.011-04:00

I am trying to cross these hills. I am trying to reach the top. Sometimes, I wonder if there will ever be a reprieve. Yet, I look to the hills because someone once told me that it is where my Salvation comes from. Someone once said that my Salvation would come riding upon those hills and in an instant would reveal Himself.

I once heard that He would come back for what belongs to Him. He would not relent for His love was a jealous flame that could not be quenched. I heard that His eyes of fire would consume me with His love and I would be rescued. They said I would be found in Him and I would be perfected in His love. Now, as I climb these hills, His joy is becoming my strength. My vision is His Presence.

At times, I have needed to rest. I have needed to breathe and sit down awhile. I have, at times, tried to give up because my strength was no more. I even tried to turn around and go back to where I came from. Yet, now on this journey with You God, what other options have I but to be where You are? I have looked back, but You have turned my head towards the goal. You see the end in sight. You see this greater picture and I see a glimpse.

Therefore, I choose to believe You. I choose to trust in Your hand that is holding onto me and not letting me go. This journey with You is for eternity but these momentary trials are only temporary. History is being made of this love You have for me and my faith in You. These tears are filling up your bottle and will overflow as a beautiful river washing away all the pain.

I will choose to draw near to You. I will choose to stay here with You. I will dance again. I will sing again and I will sit at Your feet and find the rest I've been waiting for my whole life. You are the One I want. You are the One I need. You are my Salvation.

My Strength

2010-06-25T21:57:00.000-04:00

"You are the strength of my heart. You are the strength of my heart and my Portion forever and ever."

These Beautiful Ashes...

2010-06-25T16:46:00.008-04:00

"For today will bring tomorrow and the once familiar sorrow will turn and testify to yesterday." -Andrew Ehrenzeller from "Your Beauty Is What Remains."

I cannot begin to tell you how much these words penetrate straight to my heart in this season. I so long to leave the past behind and move on. I long to forget about the hurts and the wounds and put them aside as if they never happened.

Yes, the Lord restores. Yes, He redeems, but there is somehow beauty in my struggle and there is somehow beauty in that pain I suffered. Jesus finds it captivating in His sight. This is a marvelous mystery. He can turn them into beauty and He receives glory to the utmost because of how He turns it all around.

Why is it that we get healed of wounds only to find ourselves in the same place again? I have been thinking about this lately. Perhaps, He is going even deeper still. He is reaching further into the levels that we couldn't go in another season.

He knows how much we can handle and if He dealt with all of our pain, we would die. In His mercy, He takes His time with us. He is patient with our hearts. I am amazed at His goodness and gentleness to do this with the ones He loves.

Holy Spirit come and touch every place of my heart. Come and make the wrong things right. Come and turn these tears of brokenness into tears of joy. For You make all things beautiful.

New Mercies...

2010-06-25T09:06:00.002-04:00

His mercies are new every morning. Though yesterday seemed to crumble right before you, it is now said and done. Today, He pours His new mercies over you and your heart like a beautiful water fall. It refreshes your soul and gives you hope to continue on with this new day. Behold, He makes it all new.

True Love...

2010-06-17T22:34:00.005-04:00

What is this love?

Who is this Lover of my soul?

Who is this One who seeks after my heart?

Why do You long for me?

Increase my capacity to receive Your love.

Show me how to have courage.

Show me how to see as You see.

For Your ways are good.

Your ways are pure.

Only You satisfy.

You will woo me until I can rest.

You will guide me into truth.

You will lead me into Your peace.

You will not let me go.

Your love stays constant.

You never change.

You relentlessly pursue.

You are unashamed of my doubt and unbelief.

You stay the course until I can finally see.

The Hiding Place...

2010-04-23T18:52:00.010-04:00

"Every time I lose it, I lose it my way, but You're the one that helps me find it. I find it Your way." This quote is from Dave Fitzerald's new album called Hope of Heaven. This one part is sung by Chris McClarney, and it penetrates right to my heart. This song has been on repeat in my head over the past few days and God is speaking to me through these words as I repeat them over and over.

The song is called "Good." The truth is He is the one that leads me to find "it" His way when I have lost it going my way. You see, over the past few weeks I have been through another battle and almost at the end of this multiple year struggle. That is, the battle for my identity as a daughter.

As I sit here today in my office not knowing what to do and feeling so uncomfortable to not be doing anything regarding ministry tonight, it's a strange feeling. "You have the night off from singing," Justin told me on Wednesday, a day that I am quite familiar with practicing for the week end, week out Friday night service with our Church. I have been doing this for about 7 years now. Yet, every time I find myself getting a "break," I don't know what to do. Sometimes, I have felt somewhat useless.

Can I be content with being a daughter and be okay with that? What if I never sang ever again? What if I never traveled to another country again? Would I be okay?

Another question that was asked of me this week from one of my leaders was, "Why are you truly here?" I know the correct answer in my head. Yet, sometimes my heart doesn't get it. The answer: "God has me here. He has called me to this city and He has a purpose and a plan for my life here." However, my heart, at times, has felt other things. It has sometimes forgotten why I am here. It has sometimes forgotten the vision of why God brought me here in the first place.

It has been a 7 year long up and down roller coaster. At times, I have felt the wilderness like no other time in my life. I have even felt like God has forgotten about me. I have felt like He brought me here just to leave me behind.

Yet, looking back on all of it now, I see that it was Him who was here. He's been here the whole time. He never left me. In fact, within all of these woundings in ministry and all of these disillusionments, I have seen His goodness like none other time.

I have seen His faithfulness even in the pain. There have been wrong choices and bad mistakes that have left me on my face and on my knees, but I'm still alive. I survived. I am still breathing. I overcame and I'm still here!

He has been here. He, in fact, has saved me from myself. He has saved me from the "could've beens" and I am thankful. One day, I will understand all of this even more and I will see exactly why He has done what He did. I can't wait until that day, but until then I want to choose to trust Him.

So here I sit, longing at times to rest and not be seen at all. Here I sit, with a desire at times to be hidden away and go unnoticed so that I can finally be the observer instead of being seen by everyone else.

Here I sit, with God giving me a gift of just resting and being a daughter. He's pleased with me in this place! I don't have to earn His favor or the favor of men because of my works or giftings! I can be free to be me. So here I sit, in the hiding place. I will find it Your way Father.

A Clean Slate And A Fresh Start...

2010-04-14T23:26:00.017-04:00

What is it when you get in these places in life where you don't really feel that much? Yet, at the same time, you know something big is happening all around you. The past few days have been so crazy, I haven't had time to process them really. Part of me has been avoiding the "process" part of it. I get tired of thinking sometimes, don't you?

Sometimes we can think ourselves away into misery. Must we analyze everything? I think there is a way we can just be at peace knowing He has it all under control. Not that I have reached that level perfectly yet, but I want to believe that He is working all of these things out for our good.

Recently, I have been faced with the doors being shut on all my past mistakes. I was faced with a choice of shutting the doors or leaving them open only to prolong this process. Those doors regarded relationships and other issues the Lord was highlighting in my heart. They were painful to revisit and painful to shut but, never the less, they were closed.

As I sit here listening to Priscilla Ahn's "Dream," I am reminded that there are dreams in my heart that I have never shared with anyone because I never truly believed they were possible.

Now that all of these doors are closed and I am off to a new start, I almost feel like there are not only dreams I have held onto for so long that are coming, but I feel like new dreams are on the way. I feel like there are dreams coming that I have never even thought of before.

This is quite the strangest feeling, but I feel now that the doors are truly closed, I don't even want to go back to them anymore. For the first time in my life I feel like there is truly a blank, clean slate and a whole new page of life to start. It's kind of scary and exciting all at the same time.

I feel like it took a lot of courage to get to this place too and I feel the love of the Father looking at me with a sense of pride and joy. For the first time, I actually feel His smile over my life and His joy in what He has for me.

Let's let go of the things of the past and truly move on. Let's stop letting things hold us back from what God has for us today. There are many things we won't understand and in this world we will have many troubles, but take heart, for He has overcome them all. Today is going to be a good day and this year of 2010 will top the charts. I believe it.

The Opposite...

2010-04-10T15:53:00.000-04:00

The only thing the enemy can do is bring us back to the Lord, which is the way it should be anyway. What is the opposite of what he wants to do in your life? "Instead of lies, have faith!" -Graham Cooke. God sees the opposite of what we see or feel. It's time for us to move forward and move on. We have too much to do and no more time to waste. It's time for us to begin to look up instead of here. It's time for us to love instead of hit back for love always wins. It never fails!

Kingdom Protocol...

2010-04-05T23:50:00.003-04:00

Protocol: (As in the definition of Webster's Dictionary) "a code prescribing strict adherence to correct etiquette and precedence (as in diplomatic exchange and in the military services)." As royalty in the kingdom of Heaven, women, especially should never settle for less than the kingdom protocol.

If there is a breach in that protocol, it should not be a question as to if she should respond with a yes in her heart. Women deserve to be treated with the utmost respect as is in the kingdom protocol, "a strict adherence to correct etiquette" such as honor with actions, words, deeds, and eyes. Let the women believe they are royalty in God's house! Nothing less will do.

Spring Is Here...

2010-03-19T11:13:00.004-04:00

A Good Reminder...

2010-01-30T10:33:00.000-05:00

"We are pressed but not crushed.

Persecuted but not abandoned.

Struck down, but not destroyed.

I am blessed beyond a curse,

For His promise will endure.

And His joy is going to be my strength.

Though the sorrow may last for a night,

Joy comes in the morning!"

Haiti: How You Can Get Involved.

2010-01-16T17:08:00.001-05:00

Haitian orphans are coming to South Florida and need temporary homes (maybe even permanent ones). 4 Kids of South Florida is looking for families to be a part of their Safe Family Program.

You do NOT need to be a licensed foster family to do this, for more info go to: http://www.4KIDSofsfl.org and click on What We Do, then click on Safe Families.

Haiti: God's Desire Is For You

2010-01-14T09:13:00.010-05:00

My heart is stirred for this nation right now more than ever as I recently discovered about the 7.0 earthquake that devastated one city of Port-au-Prince. I have friends who are going to help with relief work and one who is from Haiti. Please continue to join me in prayer for this country and for my friends and their families who are there.

I know a lot of people are not happy with Pat Robertson right now for some of his comments he has made, but the truth is that God will do whatever it takes to bring a people unto Himself. Honestly, I don't know if this was caused by God or not. Yet, I do know this, my friends, God is far beyond us.

He is also a Holy God. He is not just a far off Being watching things happen. No, He is very much involved in every detail. In my humanity, I do not fully understand His ways, but I know He is good. Just as it said in "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe" when Lucy was asking about Aslan being safe, her friend replied: "He isn't safe, but He is good."

If you study out the history of the country of Haiti, you will find out many dark discoveries about what lies behind this government. I believe that when we make dark alliances such as they have done, there are reprocussions. There are reprocussions to every sin we ever commit.

Although sin is viewed as the same in God's eyes, on this earth, some sins have a greater affect in our eyes and can actually influence whole nations. I encourage you to study the spiritual history of Haiti and perhaps, if you are a Christian, you will be more burdened to pray for these people. Yet, we must see all of this through the lenses that God is good. He is merciful. His mercy is not like our view of mercy. He loves the whole world!

Please pray that God's will would be done in this land and for His light to shine forth to literally change hearts and change the infrastructure of an already fragile government. Please pray for true salvation to spring up from the rubble. Pray for life and for these dry bones to live again. Come Lord Jesus. Come.

Honesty Truly Is The Best Policy...

2010-01-13T15:09:00.002-05:00

Ya know, I recently got hurt from a friendship and it was hard. Yet, thinking about it now, atleast I was honest. Even if the other person is not, you should stand your ground and not be shaken.

Being hurt hurts! Yet, the best thing you can do is be honest with yourself, others, and choose to not be offended. You will win in the end. Just remember though, the victory is already yours.

A Beautiful Boundary Line...

2010-01-07T09:17:00.001-05:00

A beautiful boundary line, You draw around me.

It's my hedge of protection, it's Your love and mercy.

Though it's painful at the time,

In the end, it always brings me life.

So into the wilderness I come.

I will follow You wherever You go.

I will stay hidden in You.

For it's the only way.

Humility...

2010-01-06T23:41:00.007-05:00

Oh the ache within me to go low!

Yet what joy that awaits on the other side!

Oh the peace within my soul when it is done.

Oh the love He gives me when I come.

So I must go low.

Oh the ache within me to go low!

Yet what life that awaits on the other side!
Oh the communion with the King of all Kings.

Oh the encounter with One who fulfills my dreams.

So I must go low.

Oh Lord, how I long to be like You.

I long to see as You do.

I long to be satisfied,

And to drink from a well that won't run dry.

So I must go low.

The New Wine...

2010-01-06T20:57:00.001-05:00

It's a new day, it's a new wine.

For Your mercies are new every morning.

In Your faithfulness, You make all things new.

So I'm drinking.

I'm drinking, drinking deeper still.

Drinking, drinking, deeper still.

'Cause I know there's more.

I know there's more.

Simplicity

2010-01-04T21:58:00.004-05:00

All I want to do is sing You a song.

All I want to do is give You my heart.

All I want to do is rest in Your arms.

Oh there's no greater place.

There's no better plan.

So I'll stay right here.
I'll choose to wait upon You.
I will wait until You come.

A Beautiful Generation...

2010-01-04T21:48:00.005-05:00

What a beautiful generation,

A beautiful nation.

I see a beautiful generation,

A beautiful nation.

They're overwhelmed with love for You.

They're overwhelmed with love.

They're overwhelmed with love for You.

They're overwhelmed with love.

Deeper I Come...

2010-01-04T20:52:00.008-05:00

You bid me to come.

You bid me to run.

To the deeper waters.

Deeper than I've ever gone before.

You bid me to take a step and take a drink.

You bid me to come.

You bid me to run,

To these deeper waters.

Deeper waters which satisfy.

You bid me to take a step and take a drink.

As I come,

I see that the shallow waters I once tasted are not enough for me.

I must go deeper.

I must go deeper still.

For only in Your waters will this thirst be quenched.

For only in Your waters will Your joy be released.

You bid me to come.
You bid me to run.

So I take a chance to see what I was created to be.
For I know there's more than I have ever dreamed.

Provoked By One Life of Sacrifice...

2010-01-02T23:26:00.010-05:00

All it takes is one life to turn things around. All it takes is one person to be burning on fire with passion to change a nation. Jesus Christ was one Man who had a burning desire for a people to be one with Him and one with His Father. He turned it all around. He invested in 12 men and they changed the world.

It wasn't 150 men, nor was it 50, just 12 men. All it takes for something to change is a voice. One voice to say no to injustice, no to sexual immorality, yes to purity, yes to holiness, and yes to His ways.

Today, I had the honor of watching a dear friend's Memorial Service and I had the honor of getting a true glimpse into his life day to day. Though he was an imperfect man, he truly lived a life of sacrifice.

He learned how to receive the love of His true Father and he learned how to give it away. Not only give it away to those closest to him, but to the hurting, to the needy, to the broken children of the world. He learned how to be a defender of the voiceless just like Jesus is our Defender in front of the accuser of the brethren.

He learned how to take the compassion he felt for those in need and do something about it. He learned how to stand in the gap to ask the Lord to stop the wrong. He learned how to take the promises of God and speak them forth over a dying generation. He discovered who he was and that he had a whole lot of love to give.

Derek Loux lived out Malachi 4:6: "He will turn the hearts of the father to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers." He was a testimony of a father bringing restoration to the children that they might know what true love is as a true son and daughter.

In the few moments I had with him I learned that he was not only a talented musician, singer, and songwriter, but he had a deep compassion for the ones who had no voice and knew not of the Father's love. "Anyone can do this. Anyone can answer the call." Derek said.

He was just a man with a wife and children and not much money, but a huge dream in his heart. In a short time, the Lord answered his cry. In a short time, the Lord provided an abundance of finances and supernatural wisdom on how to carry this out and his vision was birthed.

Now Derek is gone from this earth and his voice is with his Maker. I'm sure he sounds so beautiful singing to Jesus forever in His Presence. He is in the presence of full joy where there is no more sorrow and no more tears.

Yet, his legacy continues and it resounds a sound to those who remain here with words asking the questions: "Will you answer the call? Will you respond to these injustices?" Lou Engle said it best today when he asked, "Who will now step into those shoes? Who is willing?" As Derek provoked everyone he met with the thoughts of the orphans, he continues to impact our lives profoundly.

Therefore, this vision will continue on, I believe, because the Church is beginning to awaken with a hunger for more than this life has to offer. She is no longer satisfied with the status quo of mediocre Christianity. She longs for Jesus and for Him to make the wrong things right. She longs to know the things of His heart and to come into agreement with Him.

Will you answer the call? Will you respond? Will you be the one to provoke change? Are you willing to rescue one child at a time? Jesus, I say yes to your call and all that You would have for me to do. I say yes. I say, come and have Your way. Come and make the wrong things right. Return oh Lord as we hasten the day of your coming!

Thank you Derek for leading the way that we could come behind you. God be with the Loux family as they grieve this deep loss.

If you would like to give to the Loux family and continue seeing their vision to rescue more children stay alive, you can give at this link: http://www.josiahfund.org/

This Is How You Love...

2010-01-01T23:47:00.004-05:00

There's no sense of judgement in Your eyes.

No sense of condemnation in Your voice.

No wagging, shaking finger in my face.

No look of disappointment or disgrace.

You rejoice, You rejoice over me.

You speak life and life abundantly.

You sing and You dance and celebrate my days.

And you say that I'm Your dream and Your desire.

Oh I am starting to believe it.

Oh I am starting to feel it.

I think this could be the beginning of something good.

I think I'm starting to see, that this is how You love.

Oh Israel, How He Longs For You...

2010-01-01T21:21:00.004-05:00

Cry out oh Israel.

Cry out because He hears.

For your Redeemer comes from Calvary.

Your Salvation draws near speedily.

You are not forgotten,

Nor are you shamed.

Though you have hardened your heart,

He is not dismayed.

For as the rain clouds glide through the skies,

A glimpse of hope will quickly fill your eyes.

For your Deliverer has come.

He has set your captives free.

You were paid with a price,

So that your sin will no longer be.

Lift up your eyes as He roars through the skies,

With joy in His heart for His redeemed.

As the day He's been longing for finally arrives,

Your joy will be made complete.

The Lion of Judah

2009-12-25T00:42:00.008-05:00

I see a King in all His Glory

And He dwells in Magnificence.

I see a Man Who reigns forever

And He dwells in Holiness.

They call Him the Son.

They call Him the Lamb.

They call Him Emmanuel.

They call Him the One.

And The Great I Am.

They call Him the Lion of Judah.

He is roaring.

For the nations.

He is roaring.

He is roaring.
He is roaring

For His people.

For a people who will call Him their own.

He was slain as a Lamb,
But He's returning as a Lion.
He shall return as the Lion of Judah.

Christmas in Bama, December 2009

2009-12-24T19:36:00.009-05:00

So we surprised my mom with a photo shoot! Every year, she always talks about how nice it would be to have a nice photo of all of her children and granchildren. With the exception of my nephew Austin who was out of town, we all got together. It was an absolute miracle!

We even made it to our destination at the same time all in different cars! What an event it was. However, I think Mom was happy. Here are just a few pictures of our family. Hope you are well. Blessings and Merry Christmas everyone!

Oh If I Could Dream...

2009-11-09T21:10:00.011-05:00

What would happen if I could dream? What would happen if all that is in my heart began to come forth? What would happen if I could have the courage to chase after them with all of my heart? I recently wrote about an inspiration to dream and how the dreams in my heart were beginning to awaken again.

A mentor of mine, a few months ago, asked me the questions, "Mary Kat, what is it in your heart to do? What are the dreams of your heart?" I could not answer those questions because I had forgotten. Through disappointment and disillusionment, the biggest dreams in my heart had been quenched. They had been crushed so much that I could not even remember them anymore, until the Lord began to awaken them again.

I heard a lot of words of wisdom this weekend at one of our conferences called Eleven. We had some amazing speakers visit The Harbour Church and impart an abundance of wisdom. One of the services that stood out to me the most was our powerful Saturday night service.

Wow! Banning Liebscher from Bethel Church in Redding, California talked about God releasing the dreamers again and raising up the ministry of encouragement at the same time! It was so impacting to me and my life. It was also yet another confirmation that becoming a dreamer is critical in the hour which we live.

Our dreams coincide with the dreams of God's heart. When our dreams are fulfilled, God's dreams are being fulfilled as well. There is an amazing parallel! Obviously, I am describing a heart that is seeking the Lord and delighting in His Presence.

I am also talking about the dreams of a believer in Jesus Christ. When we are a new creation in Christ, we have the ability to dream good dreams and think good thoughts! We have a new heart! Therefore, a Godly desire in our heart that is fulfilled becomes a tree of life as it says in Proverbs 13:12. When our desires are fulfilled, they fulfill the heart of our Father.

For years, I have felt so much condemnation in that place of dreaming. Many people who were the "voices" in my life had spoken words of "realistic thinking." Many even claimed to be "realists." I heard some things this weekend that set me free from my old ways of thinking. "God doesn't live in reality" and "You are free to get your hopes up."

These very words were completely opposite from everything I have ever known. The American culture is used to carrying this phrase, "Don't get your hopes up." Yet, this is a lie! The truth is that Jesus Christ is the HOPE of what? He is the HOPE OF GLORY! Therefore, we need to get our hopes up as high as they can go! God is for us!

Could the Christian life truly be this exciting? Could it truly be this fun? Another quote I heard was, "If your dream is not impossible, perhaps it's not God." All things are possible with God. How far are we dreaming with Him? Are my dreams only going as far as I can make them go in my own strength? If so, am I dreaming with God?

I am discovering more and more that this Christian life is participatory. God gives us choices. He chose us to co-reign with Him to advance His kingdom and bring it to this earth. He chose us as the vessels to do this, but He also has given us a free will to choose. Isn't that crazy? What an honor we have to be co-reigning with Christ on this earth even now.

In Christ, we now have the ability to walk with God as Enoch and Moses did, face to face. A man named Kris Vallotton once said he had an epiphany one day with the Lord when He felt God ask him, "What kind of friend would I be if we only did the things I wanted to do?" God no longer calls us servants, but friends! We can see the Lord and walk with Him because of the blood of Jesus and His salvation for us! Therefore, we have the freedom to tell Him what we think and what is in our hearts.

From the moment of creation, God, the Ultimate Creator, created us to be like Him, one who creates. He made us creative and full of thoughts! He created us to have dreams and think like Him! I even think about Adam in the Garden. God gave him a choice to name the animals. He gave him the opportunity to "create" a character or name for each animal. I am sure there were thousands of creatures.

Can you imagine all the different types of animals and creatures in the Garden of Eden? Adam was given the opportunity to create from the moment he breathed his first breath. Why? Because somehow in this mystery, God chose us to participate with Him in bringing His Kingdom to this earth. Somehow, we move God's heart in such a way that not even the angels can comprehend. Out of all His creation, we move His heart the most!

He wants to know our thoughts even though He already knows them before we speak them out. He wants us to tell Him our thoughts and He wants us to tell Him our dreams too! The enemy's plan would be to destroy the dreams in our hearts so that God's plans cannot be fulfilled. The enemy's plan would be to wound us so much that we would not know how to hope anymore.

We know, however, that in this day, God has a plan. He is redeeming His people back to Himself. When He redeems, He restores, and He heals the heart completely. Once the heart is healed, it begins to come alive again. The child-like innocence is given back to us and we can dream without fear! We can have as much as hope as we want when we become children again in the Father's house. What an exciting time to be alive!

In closing, the most important point of all of this is, your dreams matter to God! Your dreams not only matter, but they are an integral part of God advancing His Kingdom on this earth. He has chosen us to bring His Light to the world. With this perspective, we can literally change the world. Dreaming with God can actually bring Light and life to this dark, dry, and barren land. So we say yes God to the dreams in our hearts. Let us dream as far as we can.

Back To The Beginning

2009-10-08T09:58:00.004-04:00

Intimacy, the way it's supposed to be.

Where You see me the way I'm supposed to be.

You bring me back to intimacy.

And back to the beginning,

When I was a thought in Your mind..

Back to the beginning,

When I was a dream in Your heart.

Back to the beginning,

When I was a child in Your arms,

And when we met for the very first time.

Back to the beginning,

When Your eyes met my eyes.

Back to the beginning,

When Your face met my mine.

Oh could it be better than this?

For this is all I need.

This is all I really want.

Intimacy.

As If It Was Always Meant To Be...

2009-09-27T18:58:00.006-04:00

So it was so with just one word from Your mouth.

So it was so with just one breath from Your lips.

Yet, how can I ever understand?

How can I ever comprehend?

That in a moment it was done just as You said.

As if it was always, always meant to be.

A New Season...

2009-08-13T22:02:00.014-04:00

You can almost feel it. You know? When the seasons change? Autumn begins to roll in, the air changes, the leaves turn colors, and a crisp cool breeze begins to blow in. You know it's coming soon.

It's maybe right around the corner. One day, you'll wake up, and it's a new season. I have been feeling like that alot lately. The air is changing, it feels like a cool breeze is moving in and it's still in the dead heat of summer.

I am a guitar player, so it's important to keep my left hand fingernails very short. However, during my break that I had from leading worship, I let my fingernails grow. Oh how pretty they were! I had tons of fun and felt so much more feminine with long nails and clear nail polish. It was somewhat invigorating.

However, getting back into the swing of things, I have had to cut my left hand nails short again. For some reason, I couldn't cut the nails on my right hand. Why? They looked so nice and pretty, but today it all changed. I suddenly felt the urge to bite them all off and file them down. It felt good to have a fresh start you know? A new day.

When I go to see films I can't help but find prophetic significances in them most of the time. I just happened upon "500 Days of Summer" tonight and realized, at the end of it, the significance of the names in the film, such as: Summer and Autumn. Such names represented seasons of life!

The story was about a boy who discovers who he really is. Yet, while watching the movie, you almost get the sense that it's about a boy and a girl finding love, going through trials, but hopefully working it out. However, it doesn't end that way. Sorry to ruin it for you. He doesn't win the girl, or marry her off and live happily ever after.

Instead, he realizes that this girl: Summer, just wasn't "the one." He discovers his identity through these unfortunate circumstances and through a broken heart. He, in fact, only grows stronger and comes to a realization that he needs to go after his true dreams.

I could also totally relate to his cynicsism, at one point, throughout the film. After, his break up with the "love of his life," he was down with love. He hated everything about it and thought that all of his hopes of finding true love were only a myth.

Yet, in the end, he discovers that it's not that true love doesn't exist, it's just that the person he thought it would be with wasn't meant to be with him. My reality the past few years has been just that. What do I have to lose to be vulnerable for a moment?

Heart ache is hard and painful. In the midst of it, you feel as if you will never get over it. However, the season changes, and you realize that you will and your life will continue on. The truth is, "it just wasn't meant to be." Is that so hard to admit? This is sometimes a reality for someone's heart and, to be honest, there is a comfort which can be found in that statement.

Therefore, I feel as if it is a new season. At the end of this particular movie, he meets a girl named Autumn and the season changes for him. He begins to have hope again. This is where I am, not just regarding "true love," but in day to day life.

Perhaps regarding every dream I have ever had. There is hope. There is change. It's a new day and the old is gone and past away. THIS makes me smile and causes me to have a great expectation of what is to come.

Revival...Do You Know What This Means?

2009-08-13T09:19:00.015-04:00

I awakened this morning after a series of crazy, vivid dreams. My mind was thinking about numerous things, but I couldn't help thinking about revival. I kept saying the word to myself, "Revival, revival." What does that really mean? You see in our "Charismatic circles" as some like to call it, of course I would prefer "Circle of Friends," however, this word "revival" is thrown out a lot.

We are definintely going after this more than ever in our city. You hear us praying for it during our times of prayer and every service we have at our church. I wouldn't say it's the reason I moved to South Florida, but since living here, the Lord has revealed to me that there truly will be a revival in this place though it appears to be a dry and barren land sometimes. "We see dry bones, but He sees an army." (Ezekiel.)

I saw something on the internet the other day that a friend of mine wrote about a city she didn't want to live in. She said, "I hate ______, I woud love to watch it burn." Wow, I thought. That was such an intensely, riveting comment about the place she lived. How much death was she speaking over that place with just her words? I then began thinking about all that was happening when the revival came to Lakeland, Florida one year ago.

I was remembering all of the amazing things God was doing in that place and in many people during that time. I was also thinking of the time Todd Bentley said "There is going to be a revival in ______", the same city my friend had just said she would love to watch burn! God wants to visit many places in a powerful way and we don't believe!

As I began thinking about the Lakeland Revival, I remembered how my roommates and I used to race home just to be able to watch the revival with eachother on the webstream with our little laptop computer. We would sit there for hours, singing, worshipping God, praying for one another, listening to the teachings, receiving from the Holy Spirit, feeling some pretty amazing things, and laughing.

We even drove a few times to Lakeland, sometimes during the middle of the week, knowing that we had to work the next morning. Crazy, amazing, God stories, and even my roommate and I got healed of some things at the time! It was awesome! All we wanted was God and our hearts were awake!

I realize that this particular revival in Lakeland, Florida ended on a discouraging note with the fall of Todd Bentley and much confusion taking place afterwards. Yet, I couldn't help but think of all of the amazing things that took place. Todd was calling out city after city to receive more of the Holy Spirit and we would begin crying out for those places with him! That was a time when the Lord was really speaking to my heart about how powerful my words are regarding what I say about people and places.

We wanted God to come during the revival and I still believe He will and He is even now. We began speaking life over the dead places in our nation, which is why that statement of wanting to watch a city burn is so detrimental! We need to speak life over places, not death because God will give them to us for His glory if we ask. "Ask and I will give the nations to you." This is what He tells us to ask of Him! This is His desire more than our own!

However, allow me to continue discussing the meaning of revival because it seems as though we got a taste of it. I looked it up in the Webster's Dictionary and here is what appears to be the definition: "The coming again into activity and prominence." Definitions also used in different languages of the world are "Awakening, renewal, rejuvenation, recovery of strength." One of the Middle Eastern languages actually said, "Shaking up." I love that definition!

Therefore, we know that a true revival is shaking things and waking things up! We, in Ft. Lauderdale and, particularly, The Harbour Church are seeking the Lord for a sustained revival which means a continual movement of renewal, rejuventation, recovery of strength, shaking up, and waking up, most importantly, in our own hearts! We are believing God for a revival that is not built around one man at the pulpit who has gifts and seems anointed.

We are not after a revival where if one man falls, it cannot continue to move forward. No, we are seeking God for a true sustained revival that will last until the day of Jesus' return. This is intense if you think about it! Yet, this what Jesus is doing in our day and in our time. I do believe we are living in the last days.

As we who are followers of Christ know, the enemy is raising up an army right now to come against the Lord. Yet, the Lord is raising up a mighty army as well who will be stronger and will defeat the enemy because it says "Greater is He who is in me, than he who is in the world." "He who is in the world," is referring to Satan of course, the one who is reigning on the earth but only for a short time. The enemy knows his time is short.

Therefore, all this to say, we throw the word around "revival," yet the implications of what this means are huge! When the true revival comes, we will know the time is near. I also believe that as times get incredibly more difficult as they already are, this will be the Church's finest hour to shine, rise up, and have a renewal of strength. In the midst of persecution and trial, there will be great victory. Yes Lord, send revival to our land!

Little Blue Pig, Little Blue Pig, Why Do You Bother Me So?

2009-08-10T09:27:00.007-04:00

For my 30th birthday, I received a Piggy bank from a good friend of mine. Needless to say, it was a hit at the party. We all tried to come up with a name for it, however, I think "Little Blue Pig" suits him fine, (that's right, it's a boy). Anyway, every morning when I wake up, I see this Little Blue Pig on my bookshelf.

We come eye to eye every time I lift my head up from my bed! It haunts me almost. It is a reminder of my dreams. You see, that day my friends put coins and money in it for my upcoming goal of going to the Middle East. It was the cutest Piggy bank I had EVER seen! The pig and I are becoming somewhat aquainted more everyday.

He won't let me forget what is to come. It's as if God uses this pig to motivate me at the start of my day to not give up and continue to dream, to continue to hope. I wonder if he can help me raise more funds for the Middle East. Hm? Little Blue Pig.

A Sudden Inspiration To Dream Again...

2009-08-09T22:11:00.011-04:00

So I have suddenly become inspired to write. After an amazing movie I watched with good friends called "Julie and Julia," I felt as if I received a gust of wind in my lungs and words came rushing to my head like a great waterfall. I almost didn't know what to do with myself. I was in this amazing discussion with the girls after it was over, but I couldn't fight off the urgency in my heart to write!

My heart was pounding and my chest felt tight, but in a good way. I had to leave. I got in the car to go and I put the pedal to the metal harder than I ever have in awhile! I couldn't seem to get home fast enough. The blasted red lights stopped me every five minutes which is so common here in South Florida, but I set my face like flint to the finish line: HOME.

I was not going to let ANYTHING get in my way. Not even my meowing cats who greet me everyday at the garage. NO, my white little Toyota was going to hit the drive way and I was going to make it to my room in front of my computer in record time, no doubt. I felt like such a fool running past the girls in the living room as they were watching their movie, but in the moment, I just couldn't help myself!

When I was driving and the words were rushing through my brain, I thought, "What shall I write about?" "What do I really have to say?" Now as I sit here in front of my computer with the sounds of chattering keys on the keyboard, I find myself at a loss for words to convey what I am feeling!

Oh my friend if I could truly write about what I am REALLY thinking sometimes, I would. However, in my position, I don't have the luxury or freedom to spout off my mouth just to ease my mind. It doesn't come so easily for me, but ONE DAY, I tell you, I will publish a book and it will reveal some of my thoughts and what I REALLY think at times. That day is not here and it will probably be when I am gone, but until then, I am left with subtle hints and "putting a lid on it" to state it bluntly.

Usually, I find myself inspired with the sounds of the "Pride and Prejudice" soundtrack resounding in the background, but lately, I have discovered my inspiration coming from the sounds of a foreign land in the Midde East. The sounds of traditional music there move my heart to see pictures and nations and oh sooo many things.

I long to see the world and, one day, I am going to write about all of my adventures. I hope this doesn't sound narcissistic. I just have been reawakened to one of the many dreams in my heart that has been there for a long time. Out of many of them, it is to be a WRITER. Perhaps, no one will ever read what I am writing even now. Perhaps no one cares. Yet, I feel in my heart that SOMEONE will and SOMEONE will be inspired to go after their dreams.

Oh to dream again, is all I keep feeling for this season. Despite all of the odds against me in this moment, all of the decisions that need to be made, and all of the deadlines that have to be met, I feel a desire to not lose hope of my dreams.

I, Mary Katherine Conolley, am 30 years old and feel a sudden burst of confidence to dream as BIG as I possibly can, and I suddenly feel that most of them, if not all, WILL be accomplished by God's grace of course. I feel this so strongly right now that I have to write it down for the world to see so I will have no excuse of not remembering! 'Tis the season to come alive again. Until tomorrow my friend. God's speed.

Time of Transition!! July 2009

2009-07-23T11:47:00.012-04:00

All I can say is that we are in a major time of transition! God is doing amazing things. People are coming, people are saying goodbye, marriages are happening, babies are arriving, and the list goes on and on and on and on!!

I am super excited about this upcoming year as this will be a year of many shiftings and dreams coming to fruition. Why do I say that? This is just something I am feeling pretty strongly. I could be wrong, but I feel like a lot of people, including myself, are going to experience major breathrough, encounters with the Lord that they have never experienced before, and dreams are going to come true this year! Wow! I get excited just writing these words and I am waiting in great expectation.

I felt like the words for this season were "Be Prepared To Be Surprised!" It's from the movie soundtrack "Dan In Real Life." I felt the Holy Spirit wanted to speak to us through those words and now is the time to be ready for unexpected surprises from our good, amazing Father! He is good!

As far as the direction God is taking me in this upcoming year, there are a few changes. I will be updating you soon about some new adventures I could be embracing. Please join with me in prayer for this city of Ft. Lauderdale, our church community at The Harbour, our staff, and me. We need your prayers.

Love you guys and please keep me updated with all that God has done, is doing, and will continue to do in your lives! Let's take this opportunity to position ourselves to receive all that God has for us in the ways He has planned! Blessings!

You Remain

2009-06-11T15:57:00.009-04:00

You are not afraid at the changing of the tide.

You see when kings fall and you see when they rise.

You saw my disappointment and when my hopes were taken.

You have been there through the trial,

And when everything was shaken.

You were not dismayed nor were You ashamed.

You held me firm and steady for You sustain.

You stay the same, You never change.

You never fear, but You oh Lord remain.

The Need For Self-Expression...

2009-05-30T19:13:00.000-04:00

An artist is in need of letting out what is in the heart. Though it may seem dark at times or though it be light, the artist must release what is within. A true artist knows how to release what is within them in purity, not perversion.

We can discover a rare treasure out of the brokenness of one's own heart. Though the artists' feelings may seem dark at times, there resides a glimmer of hope and beauty that cannot be discovered any other way. It is critical that the artist release what is stirring in the heart.

Whether through words, a simple melody, a drawing perhaps, or colorful painting, the artist must let it go. Maybe no one will understand, maybe some will comprehend, but either way, the artist must let out what is inside. This is what they were made for.

Though his or her expression be misunderstood, this is the life of a true artist. They leave their heart open to possible rejection and the pieces of their heart vulnerable to criticism. Yet, this is the life of one who takes risks to create something new, to create something beautiful. This is the life of a true artist.

An excerpt from: "The Girls of Laurel Lane"

2009-05-26T19:34:00.000-04:00

Another Day

So here she sat in the quiet house, candles lit, and sounds of the birds chirping outside on an overcast day. Finally it was a moment Audra had all to herself to contemplate the last year of her twenties, or rather, the last few months of her twenties.

It was also a time to reflect on the wonderful girls she had the privilege of living with on Laurel Lane. “What is to become of us?” She wondered. This was the ever-so famous question that always seemed to be asked by the girls. All of these changes and all of the shifting seemed to be overwhelming at times. It was time for another roommate to leave the nest and move on to better grounds. Another one was getting married and rightfully so.

Bethany was an exquisite girl full of intelligence and creativity. She was very eccentric in her own way and had a beauty that seemed to grow even more in the last few moments of her “singleness.”

It was beautiful for the others to watch. And so there were three, yet again, Audra, Amira, and Juliet. It seemed that they were like a chord of three strands that could never be broken unless there was, of course, a mass exodus. Would it be possible for all three to leave at the same time? To be continued…

Straight To You...

2009-05-09T09:14:00.000-04:00

You took the things I tried to cling.
You held them back from me.
In my pain, I longed and ached for them to be a gain.
Yet, You never let me have them.

They only led me straight to You.
They led me straight to You.
They only led me straight to You.
They led me straight to You.

Even though I tried to run and I tried to hide,
I couldn't get away from Your Presence.
I tried so hard to ignore You.
But You spoke to me anyway.

You only led me straight to You.
You led me straight to You.
You only led me straight to You.
You led me straight to You.

Still Alive

2009-05-07T10:39:00.001-04:00

I find myself in the midst of this place again.
Here I am, face to the ground, for I have fallen.
But You lift my head and whisper in my ear, "You are still alive."
These whispers move through my bones and begin to breathe new life.
My anxious thoughts begin to clear and I can finally see what is real.
You tell me, "This is the way," and You lead me by Your hand.
For a moment, I lost sight and the darkness overwhelmed me.
Yet, now I can see but a glimpse of the light on the other side.

You tell me I don't belong here and it's time to go.
After fighting against You, I finally surrender.
I finally give in.
Where I thought I belonged is only but a vapor.
This place was never meant to be my home.
Yet, I have chosen to dwell here.
But now as you call to me, I have no other option but to say "Yes."
Fearful of what is unknown, I know in the depths that Your way is best.
Though I cannot see this full picture, I am beginning to believe that You are good.

Inside this flame, which is painful at times, is the only way to be where You are.
So I will go as long as I can be with You.
When this is said and done, I will be new.
When this is said and done, You and I will be one.
I will come out not the same as I once was, but I will be more like You.
If this is true, I will go.
I cannot go back to what was yesterday.
Whatever it takes, have Your way, until what You have to do is done.
I will go with You.

The Fire...

2009-04-18T14:41:00.001-04:00

The Fire

I will go through fire.
I will go through pain, even when it hurts so bad I wanna run away.
I will choose to stay.
I will choose to stay and embrace this flame even when it hurts so bad I wanna run away.
I will choose to stay.

I will go,
I will go,
I will go with You.

You have called me one with You.
And I will go with You.

I will go through the fire and not come out until I'm consumed.
I will enter in and not come out until I'm consumed for I will go with You.

God can bring something beautiful out of our greatest pain. All that being said, this is a new song in progress. I don't usually post new songs that are in progress, but I thought: why not? I don't know if anyone will ever think, "Wow, what a great song!" Yet, perhaps the reader will be able to relate somehow. As hard as this song seems to be lived out, my heart means every word.

Letting Go...

2009-03-15T15:00:00.000-04:00

I'm letting go of what I know for Something that is greater,
I'm looking to the hills for my Someone who is better.
I'm counting it all as loss and clinging to what is real,
I'm looking to a higher place for the One who truly heals.

I will see Him on a road that I have never taken,
I will find a faith within me that can never be shaken.
I will find Him wrapped in colors that I have never dreamed,
And will see Him in a way that no man has ever seen.

I'm letting go of what I know for Something that is greater,
I'm looking to the hills for my Someone who is better.
I am going to find the One who truly does satisfy,
For I will be revealed a Love that never dies.
I will find a Garden with a river that never runs dry,
I will find a hope that I can't escape even if I tried.

I'm letting go of what I know for Something that is greater,
I'm looking to the hills for my Someone who is better.

He Loves Me...

2009-02-22T17:52:00.000-05:00

"He loves me, He loves me not, He loves me, He loves me not." Isn't this just how our life is in God? Pulling off the rose petals and hoping that the last petal we pull will be "He loves me!" We have such a hard time understanding that He does indeed love us! Over the past month, this is what God has been trying to show me over and over again. I guess I just have a hard time getting it.

I have been back in America for one week and wow what an adjustment it has been. Reverse culture shock and back to "real life" I guess you could say? It's been a few days, but I couldn't evade the last part of my journey to the Middle East. The last day of my trip was probably one of the most culminating parts of the whole time as the Lord revealed to me so much more of His heart.

I arrived at the airport to leave for Germany at 2:00 in the morning for an early flight and I felt prepared to say goodbye. However, when I arrived, I discovered that they had canceled the flight and were not going to be sending me to Germany that morning. I felt my heart drop to the bottom of my stomach and prayed that the Lord would work something out. I was desperate!

Dan Wickwire translated these words for me from the woman at the desk, "There are no flights leaving directly from Germany to the U.S. until Tuesday, which is 4 days away, so you could spend a night in Germany later today, stay in a hotel, and fly out tomorrow morning to America."

Flustered, I responded with,"What? Oh man, I can't do that. I am by myself? I don't know the language and I don't have enough money to stay in a European hotel. I just don't know." Dan responded with, "What if they could pay for you to stay at a hotel?" That's where it all started, my next exciting adventure!

Therefore, we went back to Dan and Devri's house, I spent 3 more hours of sleep, awakened for one last Middle Eastern breakfast, and we left from there. I was thankful for that time with them for Devri prayed for me that God would cover me the whole time and give me wisdom on my next journey. She said, "If the devil can't get you coming over, he'll try to get you on the way home. Stay strong in the Lord."

So I was off on my way a few hours later than planned and was at the gate. Dan said goodbye to me and I took one last look. I found myself taking another last look at Dan and felt some comfort that he was there to make sure I was safe. I was also reminded of the whole trip feeling covered and protected the whole time. I was still a little fearful but asked the Lord if He would give me just one friend who spoke English to help me.

No later than 30 minutes, while I was waiting for our gate to open I saw a girl with blonde hair and blue eyes and she kept looking at me and I kept doing the same thing with her. I guess we were trying to figure out if each of us spoke English. I then asked, "Do you speak English?" I was so relieved to find her next answer. "Yes, I do, you too!"

We quickly became acquainted with on another and talked for a long time. She happened to be from South Carolina and was living in Frankfurt, Germany with her husband, but she had been living in the Middle East for 4 months working with their government. She knew German and was going to be able to help me when I arrived at Frankfurt. I was thankful.

As if it could not have become better, this 3 hour flight to Germany became even more amazing! I quickly found my seat number and began to get settled in. I had an aisle seat and made myself a little more comfortable as is my usual routine on planes. I got my I-pod out and was ready to either sleep, or get enthralled into the "writing zone" of journaling while the music inspired the words to go forth!

In the midst of my "world," a young boy of about sixteen years tapped me on the shoulder. "May I ask where you are from?" he said. I quickly responded with a smile and thought the conversation would not go any further, however, it did!

I have to be honest, within myself, I was thinking, "God, can I please just be left alone for now, so that I can just have my own time to chill after an intense trip?" Yet, I felt the Holy Spirit saying to me, "You know that's not going to happen."

This is because just about every time I get on a plane, the Lord wants me to prophesy, pray, or minister to someone I am sitting by. I have a great history of seeing God move powerfully on planes. Why was I being so stubborn? Didn't I want to see God move? I was being a little selfish.

This boy began telling me his life story and opened up about some deep wounds he had for years. Why did he feel the need to share so much? I wondered, but I knew the Lord was highlighting something specific. God eventually gave me the opportunity to share.

After about the 5th time I saw this boy try to cover up the fact that he had tears in his eyes, I said, "You know, I hear all the pain you are facing." He said, "Yeah, I guess that's my life." I said, "No, that's not the rest of your life. I don't know what I would do without God in my life. I have faced trial after trial and without Jesus helping me, I couldn't do it. You can have this same hope and this same assurance."

He responded with, "I don't know if I believe in God. I go to a German school in the Middle East, and all of my teachers say that there is no God." I asked him the question, "What do you believe?" He said, "I don't know. I guess I am searching." I responded with, "You know if you ask the Lord to reveal Himself to you, He will? I promise you He will. He's real and I know Him."

His eyes were completely fixed on mine and I knew the Holy Spirit was working. It was one of those moments where there was no doubt if he was listening. I knew he was, and so it began. I said, "I want to prove to you that the Lord is real. Jesus speaks to me and He has already told me things about you and your life that, without Jesus, I wouldn't know these things."

I began to prophesy over him about the gift he had of being an artist and many other things. I told him, "You have nightmares don't you? They are pretty intense huh? The enemy is trying to steal from you, but the Lord has a plan and a purpose for your life. He has a plan for you to live and have joy, peace, and a future!"

With tears in his eyes, he said, "How do you know these things?" I said, "Because the Lord Jesus and because He loves you, I say these things to you today, this very moment." To be continued...

I Will Never Forget You...

2009-02-09T15:02:00.001-05:00

Sometimes pictures are worth a thousand words. This was a moment in history that I will never forget. I love these people and this little girl to me will always be in my memory.

He Will Rebuild The Ancient Ruins...

2009-02-08T02:56:00.000-05:00

As I walked through the village and took a look at these ancient doors, the ancient ruins you may call them, I couldn't help but think of the promises in Isaiah 61:4. I also thought about Jeremiah 33 for He truly is a God of restoration.

Here in this village which overlooks the downtown city, there lives behind these walls a loving people. They are hard workers trying to earn their wage by selling what they can with the beautiful things they have made with their own hands. It is amazing.

I fell in love with a little girl who was there trying to sell me jewelry that her mother had made. She was cute so I could understand why her mother sent her out to sell them. Possibly her little smile would encourage a person to buy the products her mother had made. Perhaps, with her, there was a better chance for her family to earn a good daily wage.

I was also delighted to actually be able to have a small conversation with her because I have learned a few more words in this language. In order to snatch a picture of her, I was encouraged by Josh to purchase something. Therefore, I ended up buying a precious little bracelet for about 45 American cents. However, this picture below is absolutely priceless!

As soon as we arrived in this peaceful little place, we drew a small crowd of people. We also began taking pictures of these pieces of history and moments in time. As we began to be noticed, small children rushed to the windows of their homes to see us, other children rushed outside of their homes to talk to us. Most of them were trying to sell things and earn 50 cents or so, maybe even one whole dollar!

As I walked through these narrow roads through the village, I was also reminded of the powerful 3 days we were able to experience this week. God did so many amazing things. One of them being God giving me the ability to play the piano during a prayer set that was not planned.

Darren Davis came with Matt Reed for a few days for this Pastor's Conference we had here at the Church. Darren's teaching was soooo amazing! The Lord spoke through him in fire! God really touched many people in power during the ministry time after his teaching.

It was really encouraging having them here as it was a piece of home away from home. It was also so good to laugh and enjoy the time with tasty treats which Darren loved so much. He made sure he always had his share of snacks everyday! He is also known as "Daddy D" to me as he has been a spiritual father to me for over 6 years. Darren also brought some teachings and music from our church to encourage me.

From the moment, I listened to the CD he gave me of a prayer service from The Harbour, tears welled up in my eyes. I couldn't believe how much I truly missed the music ministry at The Harbour. We really have something that is so rare and so awesome! I love it here and I love helping with the music ministry at this church as well, but I have been missing receiving from the Holy Spirit in powerful ways through music.

As I was going to sleep last night, I was listening to the music from the prayer time where a good friend was singing and for the first time in 4 weeks, I had a good cry with the Lord. It feels so good when we can just cast our cares upon Him and weep in a good way. The CDs were a great encouragement for me during this time.

The conference was really interesting and I feel the people who came received beneficial information regarding Church leadership. This is really good because many people who are new Christian converts never grew up in the Church and have a limited understanding of how leadership works in a Biblical way.

Another powerful moment for me was meeting 4 brothers who were Iranian refugees Darren asked them to come up yesterday and as he prayed for them, I felt such an anointing over their lives. It was so powerful as they have endured many tribulations. They became Christians after they left Iran 4 years ago but I could sense that they are so hungry for the deep things of God.

I have noticed this in many of the recent converts here who were once Muslims and have suffered greatly. They have a love for God's Word that is so strong! Jesus says: "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled." I can see this in their lives and it is incredible to see!

In closing, I have been so blessed to meet these wonderful people! What a rare experience this has been for me and God has been so faithful to bring me here to see His heart for the restoration of these Muslim nations. He will rebuild what has been destroyed through the generations. I am sad to say that I have one more week here in the Middle East, yet I am still in great expectation of what He is going to do next. Blessings!

Simple but Profound...

2009-02-02T15:35:00.000-05:00

Like I've said before many times, the struggles you have right now, you take with you wherever you go. You can even fly to another country, but that doesn't mean your problems will disappear. I know this sounds daunting and very un-optimistic as opposed to my other posts. This trip has been amazing and full of joy and new adventures.

However, as I sit here this night in my little room in the basement looking out the small window at the moon, I realize how disconnected I have felt from the Lord with these same issues that have faced me for years. I can't run away from them as they are even in my dreams. Do not be discouraged, these issues are issues of my heart that the Lord is trying to highlight in me. Yet, in my dreams, He is reminding me that I have to deal with them face to face even in a far away land.

I also said, previously, that I felt this was going to be a trip where the Lord was going to heal me in many ways. Maybe not in the ways I was even expecting, but I know He is healing, most importantly, my heart. I had a precious moment with the Lord tonight and just talked with Him about things that I have been asking for throughout many years. There are deep things I have been longing for even regarding healing in my body.

"Lord, I have asked you to heal me before and I have cried over these issues for many years. Will you not come? Are you not faithful?" I said to the Lord. I thought about even the men throughout the Bible who petitioned the Lord over and over again about their issues and He even said no a few times. Yet, the friends of God persisted and kept asking. I thought, "Why not me? Lord, I am Your friend and I am asking again in hopes You will respond."

Ali Amja has prophesied over me two times on this powerful trip and both times were great. However, the second one was the most incredible to me. During a prayer meeting last week, Ali came up to me specifically and laid his hands on my head.

Just that very night, I wanted to ask for prayer, but didn't have the guts to open my mouth. Speaking in his language, Josh translated it all for me. I am telling you that the very thoughts I had in my head that evening, Ali petitioned the Lord for! I could not believe it! God cared enough for me to hear those words from Ali so that I could be encouraged in this place of waiting!

I have a purpose here to serve this family, this I know, but at the same time, God is surprising me in these very rare, quiet moments, like right before I go to bed. Wham! Jehovah Sneaky will throw His sneak attack and meet with me in a profound way! I have to be honest, my times with the Lord have been very Brother Lawrence like and I've had to practice the presence of God even in the busiest days with the children.

I feel Him in cleaning poopy diapers, cleaning up chili off of a one year old little boy's face, trying to break up fights over toys, etc. Practicing the presence of God is something I am used to doing here, but I am missing the quiet times with the Lord where I can just get a good cry in and let it all out. I picture myself just crying on His shoulder and letting Him love on me.

All this to say, the Lord met with me tonight and He didn't tell me I need to fast more, or pray more, or read the Word more. No, He told me that He loved me. Very simply, "I love you Mary Katherine and you are worth the good gifts I have for you." Even as I type this, I feel His presence so strongly and I am being brought to tears yet again. It's those simple words from Him alone that can heal any soul. I pray I may abide in His love all my days and I pray you will do the same. Blessings from the Middle East.

I Saw Jesus Today...

2009-02-01T12:14:00.000-05:00

I saw Jesus today. You know He dwells inside of each of us if we know Him and His Spirit is always moving. He moves all over the world. I saw Him touch a young girl whose mother had a brain injury and has been in a coma for one month now. It was her first time entering into a Christian church. I also saw tears stream down her face as she met Him for the very first time. It was a miracle I saw with my very own eyes.

I also saw a grandmother searching for healing for her daughter and seeking Jesus, the only One who can truly heal. I saw Him move in her life. She was on a quest to find hope, true hope, the hope that will last and not fade away. In the midst of her search, I saw with my eyes, her demeanor change with the love of God surrounding her. She felt something different and it was noticeable to all.

I saw Jesus as I helped with singing worship songs in another language and didn't know how to do it. I saw Him as He gave me the words to sing and the ways to sing them. I felt Him as we sang praises to His throne in a language foreign to me, but not to Him. We were one in that place.

I saw Jesus in the midst of the congregation as we longed to meet with Him. Truth is, however, He has always desired to meet with us even more so. I've seen Him here. I see Him everyday as I meet someone new in this country. I see Him in this nation and I feel His heart for these people. I am in awe of His faithfulness and that He, the Creator of all things, would desire to meet with me, to meet with us. He is good.

Part 2 of Ephesus!

2009-01-30T13:00:00.000-05:00

We took a stop by the "Seven Sleepers" ruins where there is a story that 7 Christian martyrs were murdered and buried, but when people came to uncover the graves, the people rose from their graves and were resurrected from the dead! There are no bones in those graves and there is proof!

We finally made it back to our village where we were staying and finished our evening with a stroll through town and a little shopping! Of course in every store we stopped in, it was always a long process. The sellers invite you in for tea, get to know you, and hope you will give them some business as well. The last place we went to was a rug shop where we were greeted by a man in his twenties who worked with his brother.

They talked us into having some tea and a "chat" and tried to talk us into buying a rug. It was too expensive for me! Once they realized we weren't going to buy, they relaxed and started up conversation. The youngest brother played the folk guitar for us and sang a folk song for my trusty webcam. It was VERY entertaining to say the least! He proposed to me a few times before we left, jokingly, of course. It was just good fun!

We ended the day back at the hostel to get rest for another well-deserved, restful day! Tomorrow, we plan on drinking tea, walking, sitting, chatting, meeting new people, drinking more tea, and sitting even more! What a day! I love it here! Did I mention, that I love it? Blessings and stay tuned for more stories...

Ephesus! Time for a Vacation!

2009-01-29T16:29:00.000-05:00

I am falling in love with the Middle East! Last night, the power went off as it frequently does here so it was somewhat difficult to pack for our next destination. I was somewhat fearful if I would awaken on time to make it to our plane. However, thanks to the 6 a.m. Call to Prayer the Muslims have here, I awakened just in time to pack my suitcase and discover that the power had been recovered in the house! I had a good 45 minutes to pack and pull my hair back for another adventure!

Julie and I barely made it in time for our plane and got there 5 minutes before our plane was due to take off! When we arrived to Ephesus and the jet plane landed, I had a feeling that this was going to be another exciting trip of new experiences! I was right! This day was a day to rest from the children and to just chill out! We landed not having a reservation for a hotel or anything, but we took a taxi to another city which then led us to another bus that led us to a cute little village near Ephesus that I have fallen in love with!

It was love at first sight for sure! Let me also say the bus ride was absolutely beautiful and the people here love Americans! We got way more stares than usual and many people tried to talk to us in English to get to know us. Everyone I have met has been so friendly! A day that was expected to thunderstorm all day, ended up becoming a day full of sunshine, cool breezes, and warmer weather!

This place was surrounded by mountains and I absolutely could not take my eyes off of them! It turned out that this was an off season and not many tourists were in our part of town. When we arrived from our bus ride, we were greeted by many men trying to sell us bus tickets speaking to us in broken English trying to "get to know us."

I had a backpack, my camera bag, and a suitcase to haul around town until we found the perfect place to rest for the night. We walked across the street from the bus station and found the cozy little hostel where we could sleep that was great! We were greeted by three brothers who spoke English with Australian accents because many Aussies visit this part of town quite often. It was really interesting. They gave us our price which was reasonable for 2 people so we decided to stay!

Besides the freezing cold water in the shower, the place was a hit for us and it was my first experience staying in a hostel. Pretty fun! Afterwards, the manager of the hostel wanted to escort us through the town to show us a great place to get a quick bite to eat. We ended up eating Doners (sandwiches that are rolled up in soft pita bread with meat and cheese depending on how you get it) at a cute little cafe on the corner.

Our new friend ended up eating lunch with us as well and then escorted us to our driver who drove us to Ephesus. It is one of the oldest cities in the world and it is where the Apostle Paul preached and got the boot in the famous Coliseum which we got to see firsthand. These ancient ruins were stunning! It was also incredible being able to walk down marbled streets that had been around for about one thousand years!

In addition to the Coliseum, we saw one of the ancient library ruins as well. We also had a guide to walk us through so he taught us many things regarding the history. The tour ended with us going through the ancient ruins of the very first church in the city called "The Church of Mary." What a fun name! This place was surrounded by majestic mountains as well and I couldn't help but rejoice at the Lord's goodness for all that He had done in this place!

After a long trek through the ruins, we built up quite an appetite and were ready to eat some more food! We discovered a restaurant nearby with a table on the ground and cushions all around. I think we were the only people who weren't smoking in that place, but I just breathed through my mouth and tried not to smell it.

They gave us more pita bread sandwiches that came fresh out of their stone oven. It was yet another amazing meal! I have also yet to be disappointed by anything I've eaten so far! Blessings and stay tuned for part 2 of vacation time in Ephesus...

A Sense of Home...

2009-01-27T09:22:00.000-05:00

As I sit here on the porch of Josh and Julie's home, I feel a sense of home away from home. It is a cool day of about 50 degrees and the sun is shining on an unusually sunny day. The neighborhood is quite peaceful and the neighbors are older. It is isn't often you find too many children playing in the streets although a few boys walking two by two pass by every now and then speaking the native language that is quite foreign to me here.

There are many black birds on the roofs of houses chirping quite loudly as if they were begging for their next meal. Every once in awhile, a stray cat runs by on a quest for it's next feast in the trash. They are unusually fat here, which leads me to assume they have plenty of scraps to eat. Across the street, I see a woman on the top floor of her home laying clothes on the clothes line to dry. She keeps the door open for a bit of fresh air because it is a day of great weather.

The older neighbor De De takes a stroll through the neighborhood smoking his cigar and examining other people's yards which is of high importance here. The wind is softly blowing through the air and with the sun on my face, it doesn't feel as cold as it could be. The calm breeze is somewhat comforting to me. In the distance, I hear the sounds of cars and buses transporting people to and fro as they leave from work to head home.

The black, rot iron gates implanted into cement walls show a sense of security. However, one doesn't feel like they need it here. People can go as they please through the gates. I am in the midst of a peaceful people who have a love for their yards, the way their homes look, and a love for people. They are a warm, friendly people who value relationships. This is somewhat foreign to me as of late because of my neighborhood in America.

I have to admit, it is a wonderful feeling being away from all of that for awhile. I prefer the sounds of a quiet, peaceful neighborhood, with a loving, giving people as opposed to ones who are loud and obnoxious. Just being honest for a moment if I may take the liberty. It's refreshing here and I am beginning to imagine what life would be like if I had the chance to live here. It is a somewhat modern city that is full of Muslims who need Jesus but at the same time peaceful.

Granted, the sounds of the call to prayer from the Mosque is a common occurrence here, but I feel the love of God here. I feel the Holy Spirit's desire to woo these people unto Himself. What would my life be like? It is peaceful here, but at the same time very difficult for women as they are not as respected here. It is a man's world here and it would be a huge transition.

I can't help but ask the question, "God would you have me be here for a season some day?" I am not saying that it's anytime soon, but I feel that there may be a chance some day down the road. Many of you who know me, know that within me is an adventurer and a traveler. I want to see the world in seasons, not just moments. I hate going in and out of countries and not truly getting a sense about it all, the people, the food, the language.

How can you just leave after 2 days and feel satisfied? There is so much more to experience! Only the Lord knows where I will be next. I love Josh, Julie, and Ali Amja! I can't imagine a better, more solid team to be a part of than this team that is already connected to LIGHT International in the Middle East.

A Day With Ali's Family...

2009-01-26T08:12:00.000-05:00

I was able to spend some good time with Ali's family today and it was so amazing! We had a real traditional Middle Eastern breakfast with a lot of bread, tomatoes, cheese, and olives. Their son arrived from college as he has been away for a long time so they were celebrating and wanted me to come with Josh and Julie. It was different this time because their son speaks more English than the others in the family so I actually got to have a few conversations with him.

He is also a really good worship leader so he played the guitar and we all sang together with the other 2 children of Ali's. It was a great way to connect with all of them. Their son is very charismatic and different than most of the guys here.

He is going to school for accounting but has a heart for leading worship too. He finishes in May. It's very rare for people to go to college here so it's a true privilege for his whole family. I really enjoyed meeting him and finally felt more connected with the family as I am understanding more words!

Later on, Ali requested for me to play the guitar and sing for them. I asked him, "In English?" He then said, "Of course, just bring us into the presence of God, it doesn't matter what language." So I played for them a few songs and again I felt the Holy Spirit in that room. After I finished, Ali prophesied over me again and I couldn't help but have tears well up in my eyes.

He just encouraged me to keep worshiping and never stop no matter what I feel. I really needed to hear that more than he knows. He also said, "It's not about how well you play the guitar, just keep doing it." I always feel so encouraged when I am around him.

Like I said, I guess it is the Father heart of God that touches my heart through him every time. I truly feel like this family is quickly becoming my own. When Josh took a family picture of all of them, they even included me in one of their pictures! I feel so loved by them.

Next week, we are going to do the worship time at the Conference here at the church and Josh is going to lead the time. I am going to help him along with Ali's son and so I'm really excited about what God is going to do. I found out later that a lot of people were touched by the Lord when I sang the song the other day at Church. I felt truly encouraged by this! Blessings to you! Please also keep me updated with your lives as well. Stay tuned...

Spot On...

2009-01-25T08:34:00.000-05:00

Better yet, "on the spot." This is something that happened to me today. I was put on the spot to sing and play the guitar at Josh and Julie's church service which was a little intense. Granted, the church is small and not very many people go there, but still, my heart was racing. I was supposed to help Josh with worship today but I didn't feel comfortable singing the words in the language they speak here. Josh and I practiced the songs this week, however, I still didn't feel ready.

Ali knew all of this yet He felt from the Holy Spirit that I was supposed to sing anyway. In the middle of worship while Josh was singing, Ali asked me through the translation of Julie if I would sing a song in English. When Julie asked me, I have to be honest, my heart felt like it sunk to the bottom of my stomach! I was so nervous in front of all of them, but I said yes. Right before Ali was to give his teaching, it was my turn to sing. I decided to play and sing one of the few songs I've ever written called "Adam." The rest is history!

The Lord also reminded me while I was up there of a few words in the language that they speak here so I used a few of those words as well. I felt the presence of the Lord really strongly and a few people were crying. Josh translated this song in the language here and I am in the midst of practicing it. As soon as our conference begins next week, I hope to know it with much more proficiency. I am still pretty nervous about singing it completely in this language, but I really want to help the people go to the deeper places in God in their language. This certainly is a big challenge for me.

After the church service we ate a big lunch together with everyone and it was very good. I am starting to understand more sentences as opposed to a few words here and there. I am also having a better understanding when someone asks me a question which means there is progress! I'm still anticipating many more great things here and God is showing me so much! I love Him and I love it here! Blessings!

Memorable Moments Are Worth Taking Note...

2009-01-24T17:01:00.000-05:00

I know I drive many of my friends and family crazy with all of my video recording, blog writing, and picture taking, but ya know...if it's a moment in life, why not take note? I don't want life to pass me by and forget all the amazing things God has done. Each moment is worth recording because it's a moment you can learn something new if you are willing to be teachable.

I am definitely taking lots of notes here and was about to head to bed when I couldn't help myself and had to write. I hesitated thinking, "I write too much. Does anyone even read this stuff? They will think I'm one of those over passionate writers." Then I thought more about it and figured, "Who cares?" I am not writing mostly for you. Though, you are reading these words if you've made it this far and I thank you for taking an interest. However, I am actually writing for myself to be able to, in the future, reread these noted moments in time and see what a Mighty God we serve.

Each moment is a gift from the Lord and each time we take a breath or feel our own heart beat, we should be thankful. We should be thankful for life because God is the great Life Giver. However, if you can be touched through the recorded moments in my life then you can join with me in being thankful to Him as well. I have said this before, but I have nothing to hide. The things I want to keep private, I do, trust me, I do, but my life is an open book! Why not?

I often wonder about those people who are too private. You know the ones I am talking about. I wonder if it's because they have been wounded that they don't want to disclose more information about themselves. Are they afraid of what people might think if people really knew who they were? Why should we be afraid? Each of us is an integral part of touching the world with God's love. Our lives are worship to Him and for Him, so let's shine! Blessings and stay tuned!

Video Update!

2009-01-23T15:55:00.001-05:00

I wanted to give you a more personal video update about my time here. Perhaps you will have a better understanding of my purpose in coming to this country and what I hope to achieve while I am here by God's grace. Love you guys and stay tuned...

A Moment To Truly Reflect...

2009-01-22T12:57:00.000-05:00

Aaahhh...I have found a moment of time alone and the house all to myself! I am loving my time here, but haven't had too much time alone. As an introvert at heart, I need more time than most people by myself. I love people, but I definitely need time to be rejuvenated, to write, to think, and to just be. Where do I begin? Wow, there is so much to reflect on these past few days.

Time here has flown by and there are so many new things to discover. My brain is like a sponge just soaking every moment in every chance I get. I keep pinching myself in unbelief that I have the amazing opportunity to be here. I am falling in love with this place and am so hungry. At home, I don't find much time to just sit still and learn new things. I feel like I am always, "Go, go, go!" I just want time to sit and learn! This is why I am so thankful to be here.

My heart is opening as if it were once a "garden locked up..." as the Word says in Song of Solomon. Just today, I had an idea of writing a children's book similar to the "Dora the Explorer" books. Yet my book would have more of an emphasis on languages all around the world, specifically more difficult ones. The characters would also travel to amazing countries and would be from many places.

It appears that I am being awakened again to my love for children. This doesn't mean I will be in the children's ministry any time soon with my church, but I am starting to see that a love for teaching children is still in my heart. You see, I have felt like it has been dormant for quite awhile.

However, God is showing me that it was never asleep, but always there because He placed it in my heart. He has given me a gift to work with children and I have always known this, but tried to run from it many times. I don't know what this means for me in the future, but I do know that children, and fatherless children, in particular, are going to be an integral part of my life.

I am also learning how to raise them in the way they should go in a foreign country. As an American in a foreign land, there are many challenges one must overcome and face. I came here to learn about this culture, to see what God is doing here, but also to help with this precious little girl and boy.

I am starting to see that God is in the deepest part of me in the day to day chores, changing the diapers, teaching letters, teaching Bible stories, teaching how to praise Jesus. I can practice the presence of God in these day to day situations and He will meet with me. He is truly my Great Reward through everything!

I am realizing how much I have missed it, being with children day to day. There is so much joy to be found in my heart when I'm around them. Wow, I just don't know what else to write, except that my heart is full. It feels full of the joy of the Lord! My cup overfloweth...

Am I Awake?

2009-01-21T13:57:00.000-05:00

There is a song by Michael Drake Margolnick called "Am I Awake?" and it's been running through my head today. May I stay awake during this hour that is very near to the end. Time is nothing to God. He can come back any second, but am I ready? Am I awake?

It's not often you get to be in the most incredible meetings with the most incredible people. When I say incredible, I am not talking about your average "Joe Christian." Today, I met two refugees who escaped a well-known Middle Eastern country about one year ago. They love Jesus and have been trying to get to America to go to seminary for one year now. They have also suffered greatly.

They are a young husband and wife who, by God's grace, were able to escape this particular country in the Middle East after planting a few underground churches there. This particular country has one of the fastest growing Christian churches right now as there are known to be about 4 million Christians underground. However, if you were once a Muslim and either convert to Christianity or convert someone else from the Muslim faith you can be arrested and suffer very severe punishments or even death.

The stories the husband told me today through the translation of Josh were amazing! I could not believe I was in that room. I felt like I was in a board meeting with the UN or top officials of the government! In the Spirit, these people were some of the top officials. They have endured many hardships to even make it to this country. They are trying to make it to the US of A and I pray they will one day get there. Hopefully sooner than later.

They cooked us a traditional meal from their country that was delicious. I love Middle Eastern food by the way! It's sooo good! There is a lot of rice which I love! Anyway, as they shared their testimony, I just felt like I take my freedoms for granted so much in my own country.

These people have been persecuted tremendously and yet they have so much joy! They have seen the love of the Father in the midst of their circumstances. What do I truly know about suffering for Jesus? I am learning a lot and my heart is being touched so deeply here.

A Deeper Look...

2009-01-20T16:36:00.000-05:00

I spent most of the day with Julie and the kids and it was great! Moses is learning to talk and it's fun watching him learn words and his ABC's! Lucy and I ventured outside without Julie and went to the park in the neighborhood. One would mostly think this task is an easy one unless you don't know the language here! I also have to mention, Lucy is a pretty popular child here because of her blond hair and blue eyes. Everyone loves her.

We managed to make it to the park without a problem, however, when we decided to go back home, I number 1, couldn't remember how to get back and number 2, ran into some people on the way who tried to speak to us. All I could say was, "Lucy, tell them this..." and "Lucy tell them that..." and "Lucy, what did they say?"

It was horrible. Turns out they were like 16 years old in high school trying to hit on me and get my phone number! One of them I do know said, "You are a very beautiful girl." They asked if I was staying in the neighborhood. I understood that much. It was pretty hysterical.

In the evening I went with Josh to the Church for their prayer meeting. It was so good. Josh led worship and there were only about 10 people, but it was so powerful. There was a German woman who translated for me in English. She knows about 3 or 4 languages and she was a huge help.

I was able to give this college girl who was there a prophetic word and I really felt the Holy Spirit strong in that room. I also felt a huge anointing for healing. It was sooo awesome! I love this place. When I get home, I really want to be serious about learning this language. I also want to try to connect with a Middle Eastern community in Ft. Lauderdale. I definitely want to come back here again. Blessings and stay tuned!

A Day In The Village...

2009-01-18T16:42:00.000-05:00

Today was amazing! I absolutely love to travel, of course, and we were able to take a 3 hour car ride to another village. We went to see Josh's good friends who are newly married and like family to him. It was one of the most Muslim cities in this country and it was very intriguing to me. I learned a lot today.

Riding in the car with Josh was like riding on a personal tour bus with a professional tour guide to teach you about the culture. Granted, his teaching abilities are better than his driving abilities which were a little scary on the already scary roads here, but anyway!

Everywhere we go, I pretty much have my notebook handy and I take notes to write down new words, or new things about this culture. I am sure I drive him crazy sometimes, but I'm hungry! What can I say? I am a nerd at heart! I'm thankful that Josh taught me many things about this city.

I wish I could write about it publicly, but I have to resort to hints. However, I have my own personal journal and I took many notes today about this city to help me remember. Julie said she always feels the most oppressed in this place because it is one of most dark places. It may be dark spiritually, but I only felt the love of God really strongly! Lately, whether I am among the Christians or the Muslims, all I feel is God's love.

I must explain that at the beginning of every first meeting I have with someone who is from here, it is always awkward. A few days ago, I thought, "Maybe the people don't like me or maybe they are just shy." I have come to realize that they are not very open at first and very shy. However, as they get to know you, they warm up. They not only open up with conversation, but they are very giving!

This type of situation happened today. Once we arrived, I was on the outside of course, not knowing but a few words here and there, which I might add is getting a little better!!! I was pretty excited to understand a few things they were talking about without translation! We went into their home which was very cold except for only one room that they can afford to keep warm. The house was very simple and unique.

At the beginning, it was only Josh, Julie, me, Moses (their child), and the husband and wife that welcomed us to their home. Later on, though, it seemed as if the whole village came over to see the "visitors." (I also actually took pictures today for the first time! I have to ask Josh which ones I can post so I will try to post them at a later time.) They fed us lunch as we sat on the floor on the tablecloth as is their usual custom.

They cooked us a type of pita bread with red meat on top that you roll up after spraying lemon juice over it. On the side was a type of salad they have here often which you place inside the pita bread like a sandwich. On the side was also soup, which might I add, that everyone drinks out of! Out of the 6 of us, there were only 2 bowls of soup. We each had our own silverware, but shared from the same plates and bowls. Interesting right? For drinks they offered us cola, orange soda, or this type of yogurt milk which pretty much tasted like sour milk. However, I tried it with a smile! I loved all of the food and it was sooo good!

The wife of the household was 22 years old and so sweet! She was so beautiful and had so many pretty head scarves! At first she was very quiet, but towards the end of the night she was pinching my cheeks, locking arms with me as we walked through the village, bought me souvenirs at the museum we visited, and gave me one of her hand made head scarves! I felt so loved as we left. Her husband also had such a gentle and soft heart unlike most of the men here.

During lunch, Josh was able to explain about Jesus being the only sacrifice for us to them. They had mentioned about animal sacrificing during one of their holidays as it is a form of repentance. Then, they give the meat to the poor as a form of penance perhaps? Anyway, they asked Josh if we as Christians did the same thing, and Josh said, "No. In the old days they used to sacrifice animals to repent, but then Jesus came and He was the perfect sacrifice for us so we don't have to do that anymore." It was such an awesome opportunity for him to talk about Jesus!

As we left, Josh prayed over the house that the peace of God would stay in their home and it would be blessed. I could see that there was such a deep relationship Josh and Julie have formed with these people and I could see that they truly loved each other. I know they felt the love of God as much as I felt the love of God in that place. There were so many precious moments today!

Time for bed after a looooong day! Blessings and stay tuned!

Indescribable...

2009-01-17T14:49:00.000-05:00

This is how I feel at the moment. Today, my heart was yet again touched in many "indescribable" ways. God is speaking to me in my heart about so many things. I am learning so much about this culture, but I must first tell you about something that I see day to day.

I am learning what it feels like to be an overseas missionary wife and mother full-time. I am in awe of both Josh and Julie. Yet, as a woman, I have been watching Julie and she is absolutely amazing! She is pregnant, a mother of two children (3 and under), a pastor's wife, and a minister to the women here at the Church. The Lord has blessed her with so much wisdom for such a young age.

I am watching how she lives in this place of overseas missions. I know this is what I am called to be in due time when the Lord releases me, but I am discovering some of the challenges a woman can face here in this place. She is also so fortunate to have Josh as her husband.

He is one of the most honorable men I know and like such a big brother to me. He helps with the children, cleans the house, helps cook, and works full-time at the Church teaching, counseling, and translating the language. What grace the Lord has given him and such a gift of service that he has! Josh is an example of what men should aim to be like and I am sure of it!

I am also learning a lot about having a healthy family. I wake up every morning to the sound of children either screaming, playing, laughing, or crying depending on their moods. Lucy and Musa awakened me early this morning overlooking my bed and laughing as they were ready to play! Of course I had not had a wink of sleep because I was still jet lagged, however, I had to get up anyway for today was Saturday and that meant waffle time for breakfast! I was so tired but who could resist these blond haired, blue eyed baby dolls?

I have known this family for a very long time and I feel like I am falling in love with them all over again! They are very dear to my heart and it's been awesome being able to help them with their beautiful children challenges and all!!!! This was one of my main goals here to be a help to Josh and Julie with the children and with cleaning their house. I am loving every minute of it even when I get tired!

Julie and I also went to a women's Bible study today at Devri's house. Every time I am around Devri, I am reminded of my Aunt Linda who was my mentor growing up. She is so gentle, calm, wise, and motherly. I have met a lot of women since I left Alabama but there have been very few I have met like my Aunt Linda. This woman Devri is at the top of my list. She is such a good teacher and reminded me of how much I miss being around older women who are my mother's age. Today, there were many older women and they were all so loving!

I know I didn't understand the language, but I really felt the love of God again so strong in her home. In the midst of being surrounded by these women from all walks of life, I felt the unity with the same Spirit, the Spirit of God! I again felt that feeling of safety and security. I couldn't help but begin to cry as Devri was teaching her lesson. Julie translated for me bits and pieces as she could and my heart began to melt with the love of the Father.

I am definitely finding healing. I can't wait to see what God does next. Tomorrow we travel to another village and I will be able to see another side of this country. I am expectant of great things! Love you all and blessings!

As The Journey Continues...

2009-01-16T16:49:00.000-05:00

Well, one thing I am learning for sure is that everyday I can learn something new! Every moment here is a chance to hear a story I have never heard, to eat something I have never eaten, or to meet a people I have never met. It's amazing and it's what makes me love to travel the Earth. I love meeting God's people and seeing what He is doing all over the world! This is why I do what I do.

God is a God of the nations. One day, every tribe, every tongue, and every nation WILL confess that Jesus is Lord. Yesterday, I met Ali Amja's (Uncle Ali's) family. Pastor Ali has now asked me to call him Uncle Ali as he says I am like a child of his own. We spent the whole day at his house with his family. Although, there were many awkward moments because of the language barrier, I enjoyed it greatly.

I ate a traditional Middle Eastern meal from this country. We sat on the floor on a table cloth as to not get the floor dirty. Some of the food was definitely a "treat." I almost gagged at one point, but it was great and I continued to eat with a smile! It was pickled something, can't remember the name. I also couldn't understand half of what they were saying to each other except for the few times Julie and Josh translated for me, but I felt the love of God in that home. I felt so loved and accepted though I was an outsider.

I fell in love with this particular family so quickly and all because the love of God was there and He was real in that place. I also quickly grew very fond of Ali's daughter who is nineteen years old. She was so funny and at the beginning very shy, but eventually began to interact with me more even though she didn't speak any English.

I did, however, discover though that she understood more English than she spoke. I don't think she felt very confident to speak it at first. At one point, Julie left to pick up Josh at the church and I was so scared! Outside of little three year old Lucy, I didn't have a translator! Lucy, though, helped me a lot! I've been in these situations many times before, so it didn't take me long for my heart to stop beating outside of my chest! I know how this works.

If you want to learn any language, the best way is to be thrown straight into the culture. I will say that one way we were able to relate was over tea! I learned many words that related to this drink, like sugar, hot, etc. This also helped me a lot. Once Julie left, the daughter of Ali felt sorry for me so she began to translate. I was shocked! She knew more English than she was letting on! She made me feel much more comfortable though and I think we could become pretty good friends before I leave here. I hope so because she seems really cool.

Towards the end of the night, they had a small home group meeting. I also met some of the other people who go to their church. After the Bible study, I was able to hear the testimony of Ali's encounter with Jesus as a Muslim and his conversion experience! It was sooo amazing! He has a video on his testimony that I have heard many good things about, but I wanted to hear from his own mouth what happened. Josh was able to translate which was such a blessing.

During the middle of his story, Ali began to cry at the thought of how thankful he was to Jesus for saving him. I also began to cry with him at how much I take for granted the things I have in America with my freedoms. He is truly persecuted here for all that he is doing pretty intensely, but he never talks about those bad stories or the death threats he receives daily.

He only shares what the Lord is doing that is good in this place and in his life! He is so positive and encouraging. He is such an amazing man to be around because he truly has the heart of the Father God. Though we were from opposite sides of the world, I felt so safe next to him and in his home with his family. My heart is beginning to fall in love with this place though it has been such a short time. There is something different about this place than the other places I have visited.

We will be taking a trip on Sunday to see a few of Josh's friends in another village, which I am excited about. Also, Julie and I will be taking a separate trip to one of the most historical sights in the world in a few weeks which I am also very excited about! God is so good and I am learning so much about His love.

I am also discovering that on this journey here, God is beginning to heal my heart of some deep wounds that have been there for a long time. Yesterday, Uncle Ali prophesied over me many things though I don't know if he knew he was doing that or not. The words he spoke penetrated my heart more than I can explain right now. I am finding healing within my soul and for that I am so grateful to Jesus.

Come Again? I Didn't Understand.

2009-01-15T03:36:00.000-05:00

Well, I gotta admit, that's how I feel sometimes here so far. Wow, I just wish I could have supernatural understanding of what they are saying! It's so interesting to watch Josh and Julie speak to these people with such ease. Julie took about two years to be able to do it and I am wishing that the understanding could be downloaded to me in two days? Yeah right!

Well, God is a God of impossibilities! I am still asking Him if He would give me this great gift. In the mean time, I am studying and Josh and Julie have been helping me a lot. I just can't believe Josh is teaching about Spiritual things in their language and everything. It is quite amazing to watch, but he is a great teacher with me of this language. He is also one of the most patient people I know!

I realize though that I am a student here. I am a student from words to food to the way you greet someone hello. Yesterday, Julie and I went to a breakfast for the women's ministry at the house of Devri, another amazing woman. It was a small group of four. Three of whom were American and one who was Middle Eastern. They went from the Middle Eastern language to English back to the other language and back to English. It was crazy!

Julie didn't want me to feel bored so she translated a little for me. I told her though that she didn't have to feel obligated to translate the whole time. Whew, boy did I ask for it after I told her that. She stopped a little and then it began, the whirlwind in my head that is! Granted, I know how this works when learning a new language, but wow! It was sometimes overwhelming to my head, but it is a good thing.

I wanted so desperately to talk to their friend who was there. We used hand gestures to speak to each other, but that's about all we could do to communicate. At one point, I picked up a bowl and tried to ask her what it meant in her language. She helped me and said what it was.

The people here are so warm and very friendly. I could also see that their friend wanted so badly to speak to me too. Yet again, another motivation for me to learn this language. I want to be able to communicate! Anyway, it's just the beginning! Stay tuned for more...

It's Official! I Am A Foreigner!

2009-01-14T10:04:00.000-05:00

This morning, I was awakened at 6:00 with a full moon staring at me and the Muslim prayers being resounded through the streets. It was sunrise and the first of the five prayer times that the Muslims have here every day. I couldn't help but feel chills down my spine.

I am a foreigner. It's an interesting feeling to know you don't belong. I've been to a few countries and it's different here. Perhaps because women are not treated very well. In fact, they are very disrespected here. I am also pretty sure that if I don't move at a rapid pace or push my way through, I will get run over! Most people don't really understand waiting for long periods of time in a line. They tend to push you out of the way if you don't move!

I've experienced similar things in China where it's crazy to even get through the grocery store. There, they push grocery carts like they drive their cars, absolutely crazy! I had to often close my eyes for sanity sake so I wouldn't fear for my life every time I set foot into a car!

This isn't China, but I am starting to understand about this culture that they get to their destination very fast if they want to. Planes, buses, and trains don't believe in waiting for you to get there. They have no shame in leaving you. This was another reason I was relieved to barely make it to my gate in the last connecting flight I had.

They gave me gate number 102 on my plane ticket. For some reason, however, I had a feeling that it might change and told myself to stay awake as jet lagged as I was. Well, to my "surprise" they changed the gate to 110 one hour later. Of course, a man came over and yelled in this foreign language but I could not understand.

When everyone left, I had a feeling, maybe I should check the screen to see the gate. Sure enough, it had changed! By the grace of God I barely made it. As soon as I found the gate, they started boarding! Whew! God is good! Being alone on this journey here was an adventure for sure!

As soon as I finally got to my destination and got off the plane, a man spoke to me in a foreign language that, again, I didn't understand and went downstairs to find myself outside and a bus being in front of me. Fortunately, I have been to many countries where you have to take a bus to baggage claim so I figured it out.

Once I made it to baggage claim, one of my biggest fears came to pass. I waited and waited for my luggage to come and it never showed up! Of course, I was the only American and had no idea what to do or who to talk to! Fortunately, I met a guy who lost his luggage too and he knew English. He was nice enough to show me what to do and translated for me. Thank the Lord for him!

It turned out that they left my luggage in the last connecting city and never transferred it so we had to come back to the airport later that night. It worked out! When I saw Julie and Lucy at the gate, I was relieved! I finally made it and could be with someone who understood me!

So it goes when you are in another country though! You never know what is going to happen and you have to be flexible. I am pretty proud of myself that I didn't cry once!

For some reason, I am so different as a foreigner. I don't expect for people to cater to my needs. Ya know, I need to have that same mentality in America! After all, I am a foreigner in this world! It's not about me! Anyway, there you have it, my first day here in the Middle East, in a glimpse!

P.S.
I was able to meet with Pastor Ali today and Josh translated for us. It was so awesome! I am loving being here and being a student of this culture hands on! I am now motivated more than ever to learn the language and any free time I get, I want to learn more words! Blessings to all of you! Stay tuned for more...

It's Time To Head Out and I Need Your Prayers! January Update 2009!

2009-01-08T12:12:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year 2009! I realize that this is a little late in the game, but I figured better late than never! I wanted to give you a quick update about what has been going on and what will be happening at the beginning of this new year of 2009!

I really enjoyed my holiday being able to spend it with family in Birmingham, Alabama for one week. It was a great time of refreshment and catching up on what is going on in their lives. I also ate way too much!

I was very sick before I left for Alabama and the doctors were testing me for Hepatitis as the doctor thought my liver was enlarged. I was very concerned about this but decided I needed to see my family anyway and it wasn't going to ruin this Christmas!

As soon as I got there, my sister gave me some advice on natural ways to be healed of things regarding the liver. Between my mother's homemade cooking and my sister's medicinal counsel, I felt much better within 3 days of my arrival into Alabama. This made my time much more enjoyable to be able to relax with my loved ones.

Fortunately, before I left Alabama, I did find out that I do not have Hepatitis and just a few days ago, I also found out that my liver is fine and absolutely normal! There are a few other concerns I have and some unknowns. However, I am trusting that the Lord is going to heal me 100 percent with whatever is wrong in my body in the name of Jesus!

After Birmingham, Alabama, it was time to head to Kansas City, Missouri for the One Thing Conference 2008 and some catching up times with cherished friends. International House of Prayer (http://www.ihop.org/) also known as IHOP was hosting it at Bartle Hall in downtown Kansas City.

The director of IHOP named Mike Bickle urged many 20 somethings to come to the One Thing Conference, as this was a critical year to teach about some controversial End-times issues, and to receive a thorough teaching on the book of Revelation.

The conference was very beneficial to me as we are living in a critical hour. I was truly gripped in my heart with so many things regarding the last days we are in. I am finally beginning to understand the book of Revelation after 4 years of studying it with IHOP's teaching series.

I am now committed to devoting my life to the study of the book of Revelation for the next 20 years. I am eagerly awaiting Jesus' return and I am more awake than ever! I am ready to prepare my heart and others for His 2^nd coming!

Lastly, I am now preparing for my journey to the Middle East where I will be staying for the next month. I leave on Monday, January 12^th and return Friday, February 13^th.

I have reached my goal of raising $2500.00 thanks to many of you! I am truly thankful for all of your prayers and financial support during these hard economic trials we are facing! You are truly faithful and absolutely amazing!

Now, I ask that you would pray for me as I take off to a new destination! I will stay with Josh and Julie Wentz, missionaries of LIGHT International. I will be helping them with any needs they have and especially with their children at home as well.

I am very excited about this opportunity and thanks be to God for using you to be able to send me! Below are some things you can pray for me about. Love you all and have an amazing 2009! May the Lord bless you tremendously this year and always! Thank you for your prayers!

Prayer Requests:

My first leg of the trip to the Middle East on the plane by myself. That it will go smoothly and the Lord will protect me as well as guide me regarding the language barrier.
For strength in my body as I am still recovering from sickness these past few weeks.
The language: that I will be able to understand it quickly and that maybe God could even give me supernatural understanding!
That I would be an encouragement to Josh and Julie with all that they need.
That I will be able to bring the love and peace of Jesus to anyone I come into contact with who is hurting.
For signs and wonders! Why not? I want to see people get healed in their bodies so they can see that Jesus heals!
That people's hearts will be touched when I help with the music ministry. That they would feel the love of Jesus even amidst the language barriers!
Protection over my spirit, body, and mind the whole duration of the trip.

P.S.
I am going to try to update my blog as much as I can while I am there so stay tuned! I also may be able to post videos thanks to Mary Tupling for the webcam!

Oh To Be A Friend of God!

2009-01-04T21:13:00.000-05:00

These past 3 days have been some of the most terrible, most amazing days I have ever had. I have been forced to be still before God in the midst of solitude, not having anyone to talk about what is going on in my heart but Jesus!

I have been very sick the past few days and in the midst of trying natural ways of healing, I was depending on Jesus for true healing: heart, mind, body, and soul that is.

However, I discovered that Jesus didn't have this time of quiet just for me to pray for healing, but He wanted to encounter me in a new and fresh way at the beginning of the year 2009! It happened!

I am assuming He used this suffering for me to be still within my soul to truly find rest at His feet which I so often run from. Don't get me wrong, as a worship leader, I understand the value of being in His presence having time alone with Him in His Word and in prayer.

I also understand a life that is in constant communion with Him throughout the day. Yet, these few days have not just been an hour here and two hours there of solitude. These have been prolonged hours of what some would call boredom if they don't understand. That is long hours of studying the Bible, long hours of praying, and long hours of being still!

I have realized that my heart is more alive than ever! My heart is sensitive to the Holy Spirit so much so that I find myself crying at different times over such things as the End-times, the book of Revelation, the Asian people, topics such as being a prophetic voice and a John the Baptist in the wilderness. I can't help but weep over such things as intimacy with God and being His friend.

Oh my friends, I long to know what is on the heart of the Lover of my Soul! This lifestyle that God is beckoning me to is a life of separation from the world and even participating in things that seem good to believers but only dull my heart not out of religion but because I want more of God!

This life seeks to find pleasure in Him alone! This lifestyle that God is calling me to is to forsake what the world calls entertainment to lay hold of the most beautiful thing I could ever lay my eyes upon!

I was made for God! I was made to gaze upon His beauty! I was made to have a Revelation 4 encounter with the Lamb of God and the Savior of the Earth! This is where all the saints and angels in Heaven, day and night are proclaiming: "Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty Who Was and Who Is and Who Is to come!"

I was made to be fascinated by Him alone! What is it that they see? All these things we call entertainment I find only dull my spirit! We were made for more than this life has to give us!

I want my heart to feel alive in God always. I want to feel hungry for Him, not bored and disconnected! He is so far beyond anything I could ever imagine.

I feel that I am only at the beginning of knowing who Jesus truly is. I am only scratching the surface and I long to discover more of Him! He is worth all of my affections and a whole-hearted life with my undivided devotion!

I Will Stay With You Through The Winds of Trial...

2008-12-19T23:26:00.000-05:00

"Let the winds blow let the winds blow! Blow over me! Come oh winds of testing, come winds of refreshing, blow over me! Test me, try me, prove me, refine me like the gold, like the gold. Take me through the fire, take me through the rain, take me through the heartache and even through the pain. I will not be offended because only You know the right amount of pressure to pull me closer. Only You know the right amount of testing and blessing to move me deeper only You know. Let the winds blow, let the winds blow, let the winds blow. I'll embrace the flame."
-Misty Edwards.

This song was running through my head today and I thought, "This is a chance to really believe that Jesus is who He says He is."

Growing up, you always hear of the "stories" the "concerns" that some face through trials. You know those physical hardships that make you feel like "Whoa, where did that come from?"

Today, something unexpected happened that made me question what God was doing. This was a wind of trial that I seem to be facing and something that I have to go through because I sure can't go around it.

This trial has even made me realize how petty all of my other problems in life are. My mind can't even think about them at the moment. They don't seem as important. All I can think of is, "Life is but a vapor."

Where is my hope when all of these things I am placing my trust in fail? What happens when the rubber meets the road and that song I once wrote about trusting in the Lord and placing my hope in Him always actually has to be walked out?

Well, today I heard the doctor say, "We're concerned about this. We are going to have to run some tests you may have..." Just the words, "you may have..." were running through my head as I was sitting on the check up table. As the doctor walked away to get the nurse to do blood work, tears began to well up in my eyes.

All the thoughts were swirling, of all the possibilities of what it could be. I felt so alone in that moment more than I have in a long time. The only words I could muster up in prayer were, "God I can't do this alone. Please just don't let me go through this alone."

It started last week when I found the "lump" on my lower right rib cage. I began asking questions to people who might know. I wasn't really too concerned thinking that it was probably in my head. However, a few days later, I started to feel a little pain.

Yesterday, was the worst of it and made me start thinking maybe something is wrong. I fell on the ground in the morning in so much pain, I thought I might have to go the emergency room, but then I thought about all of the teachings I had been hearing from Bethel church of all the healings! I began to take authority and rebuke the pain in the name of Jesus.

The Lord gave me enough strength to get up and start the day. I prophesied, "I will get up! I will go to work and this will not steal my day!" The Lord was gracious! I made the appointment for the doctor but of course they couldn't take me yesterday so today was the day.

I went in, and he said, "This lump is your liver. I believe it is enlarged. This concerns me." I was thinking, "Even appendix would be a better word than liver!" There you have it.

I am still in pain and my liver may possibly be swollen inside so it is hard to get around with ease. I took blood tests and I find out the results on Monday or Tuesday. The doctor is testing me for Hepatitis.

I am receiving prayer by the bulk so feel free to lift one up if you think about it. God is still good! I proclaim it! He has a plan and He is not nervous. I can trust in Him!

Please pray that this would result in nothing! There would be no Hepatitis and no complications! There would be no more pain in the name of Jesus! I love you all and I appreciate your support and concerns. Blessings!

True or False Sense of Justice? Why It Is Important For Us to Know the Truth in This Hour.

2008-12-15T17:17:00.000-05:00

2Timothy 3:1-9

"1But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5having a form of godliness but denying its power. HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM.

6They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, 7always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth. 8Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these men oppose the truth—men of depraved minds, who, as far as the faith is concerned, are rejected. 9But they will not get very far because, as in the case of those men, their folly will be clear to everyone.

You know recently, I have been hearing a lot of talk about the "Red" campaign (www.redcampaign.org). Their goal is to help with AIDS victims in Africa and as an organization they have stated how much they desire to help these children who have died from this vicious disease. It seems really noble and it seems like the Christian would and should want to participate. I mean after all, they are doing something for the society of the world right? How could this seem deceitful in the hour we are living in today?

Perhaps it is because they are offering a false sense of justice? They are offering freedom from sickness and salvation from an earthly perspective. Is this the true salvation that we know to be true? Paul clearly warned us of this in 2 Timothy 3:1-9 and described the conditions in the Last Days.

The passage that stands out to me the most is "They will have a form of godliness but deny its power." He then continues on to say "HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM." If that is not a clear enough sign to the Christians, those who know Jesus Christ to be the true Savior of all of creation, I don't know what would be a more clear sign. Should we as Christians be so quick to jump on this band wagon of the "Red Campaign" with Oprah Winfrey and all of her "noble" works and Bono and his "noble acts?"

In the previous chapters before 2 Timothy, you will find in Matthew 24:3-5 Jesus describes what will be happening the latter days. "As Jesus was sitting on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to him privately. 'Tell us,' they said, 'when will this happen, and what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?' Jesus answered: 'Watch out that no one deceives you. For many will come in my name, claiming, 'I am the Christ,' and will deceive many.'"

I do not believe that this passage means most people will be coming up to us literally saying "I am the Christ." Although, maybe a few might try. I truly believe that this mainly means that people will be coming as one who can "Save." One who can be a "Savior" for our "Global Warming" problem or a president or organization who can "Save" the AIDS victims and those who are hungry in Somalia. Even better, what about a whole world in false unity with a false peace to "Save" the world and it's hunger problem! Brothers and sisters, if we do not offer the Kingdom of Heaven and preach Jesus Christ as the savior first, all of our efforts are humanistic and in vain. Without Jesus, there is no true justice, true peace, or true unity.

I promise you, if you set your gaze first upon Jesus and the glory of His splendor, He will begin to show you true justice. He is a God of justice. He cares about the orphan, He cares about the homeless, the hungry, the poor. He loves all people! However, we cannot bring true justice without preaching Christ as Lord and Savior first.

Therefore, we as Christians must take heed during this hour that we ourselves are not found deceived. In the last days there will be a great falling away as it is discussed in the book of Revelation, this means that many will be deceived by false truths and false doctrine with false prophets and false saviors. We must know the truth.

We can love the world, but that doesn't mean take part in what they are taking part of such as these false humanitarian projects. If an organization is not preaching Christ as Savior and offering a false sense of salvation then it says in the word, "HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM." I urge you as brothers and sisters in the Lord to pay attention in this critical hour what you choose to listen to, watch, read, and partake in.

May the Holy Spirit speak to us and open our ears to truth that we would discern the hour that we live and the urgency to know Christ and who He really is. May we prepare the way for the second coming of the Lord as John the Baptists in our day being willing with boldness, courage, and love to stand against the lies of the spirit of this age.

"Therefore be on the alert, for you do not know which day your Lord is coming." Matthew 24:44

'Tis So Sweet To Trust In Jesus

2008-12-13T16:24:00.000-05:00

There are so many things happening as of late, I am having a hard time catching up. God is doing so much in so many people's lives at such a rapid pace. However, the past few days of setting aside my time to rest, I have felt the Lord so much more than ever. Why do I run from resting?

Why do I run from sitting and receiving His love for me? These past few days of consecration have been wonderful and the presence of Jesus has been so precious and sweet to me. I don't want these days to end. I don't want to go back to business as usual. I want to live in His presence. I want to trust in Him always. I want to live a life of devotion to Him. I want the grace to live a fasted lifestyle.

What is it going to look like here in this place? Here it is so easy to have social gatherings and don't get me wrong, they are wonderful, but sometimes I have a hard time saying "no" and getting away with the Lord. God has called me to a wilderness right now and I so often have been fighting it lately.

What am I so afraid of? Why am I afraid for it to be just me and God alone? All He has to give me is love, peace, hope, and joy that is everlasting. Why would I not want that? Do I understand His heart? If I truly did, I wouldn't run from Him, but I would run to Him. I am tired of fighting the very One who is after my soul and the very One who can satisfy the depths of my heart.

Oh God I long to be with You. I just don't care where it is. Please come and do what You have to do to make that possible. I will go wherever You call. I will walk away from that which You are asking me to lay down. I will choose to go Your way even if it means the lonely road. I only ask that my heart would not be cold and would not be dulled to Your Spirit. I have to be with You. This is what I was made for!

East Bound, Middle East That Is...

2008-10-10T10:21:00.000-04:00

Recently, I have been asking the Lord a number of questions such as, "God, if I were to go overseas for an extended period of time, what would I be able to do about my job? Would I be able to come back? How long could I go? Where would you want to send me?" Then a few days ago, Darren in staff meeting was telling us how he met this minister in a particular Middle Eastern nation. He is also laboring with our dear friends, Josh and Julie, some of our missionaries with LIGHT International. Darren testified of all the amazing things Jesus was doing in this Muslim nation.

The story about the previous Muslim man was one of the most amazing stories of a Muslim coming to salvation that I had ever heard. As Darren was talking, I was daydreaming of this nation, the Muslim people, my head being covered, the beauty of that land, and the supernatural stories occurring there. The few countries that have been burning on my heart have been Israel and this specific nation which has to remain anonymous for the sake of protection.

I have been longing for years to go to Israel to help with the House of Prayer there and my other dream was to help Josh and Julie with their efforts to spread the Gospel and plant a church in this nation. Many plans have been contrived in the past for many destinations and some of them have been thwarted due to unfortunate circumstances in other countries such as India. Yet the dreams regarding the Middle East have remained in my heart always.

Ironically enough, today, Darren presented an amazing chance for me to help with the efforts in this Middle Eastern country. He asked me if I would like to go for not just two weeks, but for one month. Since this has been on my heart for such a long time, I, of course, said "Yes." He said, "When could you go?" I responded with, "Whenever you are ready to send me, I will go." LIGHT Internationals' mission is to plant churches in many unreached nations in the world who have never heard of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and Josh and Julie were our first missionaries to be a part of this vision.

This opportunity for me to go to this country would be one of the dreams I have had in my heart for a loooooong time. I would be under the covering of LIGHT International as I would help to encourage Josh and Julie in serving wherever they have a need and possibly helping with their music ministry.

They also have two young children and I have a heart to help support Julie with them as well while Josh is away. This is an exciting opportunity and I haven't felt this excited about going to another country since I left for Brazil. The nations have always been and always will be in the depths of my heart since the first time God called me to move here to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida to be equipped and prepared to go to the nations.

Would you please pray for me as I embark on this exciting adventure? I will be leaving January of 2009 and I may be returning February of 2009, which is not that far away! I am also asking if you would like to help me financially on this journey as I need to raise $2500.00 to cover my expenses. Would you be willing to help? If you are interested, you can write a tax-deductible check to LIGHT International and send it to the address listed below:

LIGHT International
Attn: Mary Kat Conolley
PO Box 39267
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl. 33339

You all have been such an encouragement to me in my life and I would be amazed if you could join with me in spreading the LIGHT in this nation that needs to see the revelation of Jesus Christ more than ever before. In our day and in our time, the nations are waiting. Thank you and blessings to you all! Below are some pictures of Josh, Julie, and their beautiful children.

Choose Life...

2008-10-06T19:27:00.000-04:00

5 Surely for your lifeblood I will demand a reckoning; from the hand of every beast I will require it, and from the hand of man. From the hand of every man’s brother I will require the life of man. 6 “Whoever sheds man’s blood, By man his blood shall be shed; For in the image of God He made man. (Gen. 9:5-6)

Where there is shedding of innocent blood, there is no atonement for the land. There is a blood pollution problem on America’s soil. The most “dangerous terrorist” is not Islam, but God. One of God’s names is “the Avenger of Blood.” Have you worshiped that God yet? He loves babies. Nothing can wash away our defilement except the blood of Jesus

33 So you shall not pollute the land where you are; for blood defiles the land, and no atonement can be made for the land, for the blood that is shed on it, except by the blood of him who shed it. (Num. 35:33)

Abortion Worldwide

Annually, 46 million babies die from abortion worldwide. That’s approximately one baby being aborted every two seconds.

Abortion in the United States

An estimated 48 million babies have been aborted since 1973. Approximately 24% of all U.S. pregnancies end in abortion.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness (The Declaration of Independence). These words, written over two hundred years ago, became the very foundation of what the United States of America stands for. Yet in the past hundred years, millions of American citizens have been denied the rights and truths encompassed in this statement.

Note: statistics from Bound4life.com, sermon excerpts from Lou Engle.

Audra Elizabeth McKenzie-The First Character of "The Girls of Laurel Lane"

2008-10-06T11:04:00.000-04:00

Audra Elizabeth McKenzie was a young girl almost thirty, but full of life. Woes and hurts, of course, she had endured, but many would call her an over comer. She was a remarkable young woman who wore her heart on a sleeve, yet was never afraid to speak her mind even at the cost of offense. However, a battle always raged within her.

She knew right from wrong, but self-control was a weakness and somehow, she often found it quite difficult to restrain her words. Justice was of most importance and if one didn’t feel the same conviction, he or she would become the unfortunate victim of her most untactful criticism. She would best be described as a passionate woman of deep convictions. Most of the time, this would cause her great trouble in relationships. Yet, by the grace of God He had provided for her a sincere group of friends who loved her despite her shortcomings.

She was also a woman of great imagination. Of course, starting at the early age of ten, she began to create story after story as she viewed life through her fantasies, which were quite intriguing and dramatic. Depending on one’s perspective, she could have been considered a compulsive liar, however, others might have described her as an incredibly creative writer in the making.

One of her many stories caught the attention of a whole town, a city in fact. The whole city of Houston, Texas was led to believe through her own words that she was almost kidnapped. In her description to the police, she “barely escaped” from the brutal hands of a dangerous man. The story was that she almost reached his grasp, but yet was saved by her quick reflexes and running abilities.

Many of her other stories might have included her convincing her brother that she was the Anti-Christ and if he did not wear sunglasses during the eclipse, he was going to die and go to hell. She was a devious child at times motivated by drama and would sometimes make members of her own family the main characters of her top stories of the week...(more to come for the novel is in the making as we speak).

"The Girls of Laurel Lane" An Introduction...

2008-09-14T21:51:00.000-04:00

As I found myself washing the dishes, I heard the sounds of laughter in the other room. It was after a meal that had been provided for us for free topped off with a binge of ice cream and brownies. The sound of these beautiful, perfectly content women full of food and joy resounded in my ears. It almost felt safe. I then realized that my prayer had been answered. In a time of loneliness not so long ago, I prayed, "Oh God, how long? How long in this wilderness? When will the sounds of this house be filled with the laughter of women in unity?"

With every season, comes a new one. Seasons begin and seasons end. This story is about 4 women living together in a house full of differences, eccentricities, quirks, and unique gifts on different journeys but walking together in life. This is a story of women and the many seasons they will endure. Maybe they come from different worlds, but their worlds are about to collide as they discover that God has a plan for them to be one. It's not just about the stories, but about how God can heal others through the love of community. We were never called to walk this road alone and these women will have the rare privilege of discovering an amazing treasure.

So...yes, I am writing a story, actually a book, perhaps a novel, or maybe a short story. I don't know how long I will be able to continue writing about the many stories, adventures, and journeys of the women I have the joy of getting to know. However, I am going to take this opportunity to do the best I can to reveal to you a journey of a Christian single woman in America and the trials of life in ministry, work, family, and relationships that she endures. They will discover that they can survive!

Perhaps, you, if you are a close friend, can help me with these stories. I am a bit overwhelmed as to where I am going to start. How many chapters? What topic is each chapter? These women: Amira, Juliette (goes by Jules), Audra Elizabeth McKenzie, and ...the other name is yet to be revealed as she is still in the making. I need your help. If you are a writer, please feel free to give your thoughts for those of you who know these 4 girls of Laurel Lane. It may take a few years for it to finally be released, but look out, it is coming soon to a bookstore near you!

It's Me and You Alone God...

2008-08-13T16:10:00.000-04:00

"You hold my every moment, You calm my raging sea, You walk with me through fire, and heal all my disease. I trust in You. I trust in You. I believe You're my Healer. I believe You are all I need. I believe You are more than enough for me. Jesus You're all I need." These words to a new song called "Healer" have been ringing in my ears for months now. Today, I heard it over and over again and just couldn't get enough of it.

I might get in trouble for sharing what's really on my heart. However, I want the reader to understand, that in ministry, none of us are perfect. I know you may know that, but honestly, what are some people's mentality? They put us up on a pedestal where we don't belong. I feel like I'm in an AA meeting where I have to say, "Hi, my name is Mary Katherine, I am a worship leader, and I have struggles." Who would have thought?

You think about David and his Psalms. What did the Psalmist do? He poured His heart out to God regarding his struggles. Yes, I like to write funny stories, have a good time, and love to laugh yet, there are difficult things I battle with deep inside me too that not many people see.

Not that I am going to share every struggle to this public audience no matter who you are and how close you are to me, but I would like to put away this lie that people in ministry have it all together. Let's just be honest...we don't! I said it! Sometimes, there are relationship problems regarding people you came to minister to in a city close to 7 years ago where you had no idea who these people were and how important they would be in your life.

You find yourself connecting with different people at so many different levels. Some people will connect to you in an intimate way more than others. Over the years, God changes your life through these people and the trials you face with them. People will come and people will go.

There are also some days, where it's hard to smile when you really don't feel like it. Yet, there are some days, you just gotta suck it up and trust God. In leadership, you don't have the luxury to just give up.

It's like a race. You fall, you get skinned up, and get back up. You have to be reminded that you are still in the race and it's not over yet. For most leaders in ministry, this pattern continues in seasons over and over again. Some people give up and just walk away. Others stick it out until the end. My hope is that I will be faithful till the end, but there are some who don't make it.

Recently, I have just been struggling. Battles have been coming my way and sometimes, they just seem too overwhelming. I have also realized that this journey of struggle has to be with me and God. At times, I seem to be fighting it though wanting people to understand and walk through the fire with me. It seems too much to face to go it alone and let Him into the deepest part of the pain in my heart. Yet, some journeys have to be with just you and Him. Some people call this a "Wilderness Experience." I don't know if you can relate.

In the wilderness, even day to day things, if I let the circumstances get to me, can become too much to handle. Sometimes I even think, "A break down is coming soon, I just know it!" Then, out of nowhere, there is another reminder of who I am and who He is in me and I end up surviving the trial. I even get the picture that my favorite Coach and Father is there to help me finish this race.

It's an image where I have fallen on my face flat to the asphault and then, God reaches for my hand. I barely grasp it, and He pulls me up. Except, He doesn't just pick me up, He holds my arm and runs with me! It's powerful to me and He always seems to show this picture at the perfect time just when I feel like I'm about to give up.

This is a race where there will be trials, there will be struggles, but we are gonna make it. We may even feel alone, but He is with us. One day, the words: "We shall overcome" will ring through our streets, in our homes, and we will actually believe it. We just have to keep our eyes fixed on the prize of the greatest man who ever lived and keep pressing onward. If we are in Jesus, we are more than conquerors...that's a promise.

Maybe This World Does Not Revolve Around Me...

2008-08-09T13:17:00.000-04:00

Have you ever had one of those days where everything seems to be going wrong? Take, for example, yesterday? So I was in the Publix grocery store getting some lunch during my lunch break thinking about my day, the tasks that needed to be done, and how I had to get back soon to make sure this and that and this and that got accomplished (you know the drill).

As I was walking out of the store, I noticed that the sky looked quite ominous and thought to myself, "I would hate to get stuck in this storm." I finally got to my car right before the floodgates of Heaven were unleashed, stuck my keys in the ignition, turned it, and you guessed it, it didn't turn on! Now that put a "damper" on my day, no pun intended.

What you may not know is this was not the first, not the second, but the THIRD time in a matter of 3 months that my car had been acting up. I was thinking, "When it rains, it pours." I was also thinking, "What the heck? I just got a new starter!" Fortunately, I had some very good friends to help me with my pickle of a situation.

I was quickly rescued but I needed to figure out what to do in the mean time. "Should I call Triple A, get someone to help bang on the starter, or jump start the car?" You know those thoughts that run through your head in times of car troubles.

When I finally arrived back at the church and called Triple A, I was quite distraught and very frustrated that this was the 3rd time happening to me. I was thinking, "God, of ALL the times that this could be happening, why now? Woe is me, woe is me!"

Let's have a really good pity party shall we? You can provide the cheese to go with my wonderful whining and dining! Yes, I was feeling very sorry for myself, when all of a sudden, a man and his wife were standing right in front of me looking as if they were REALLY needing help.

A few moments later, after I got out of my narcissistic cloud, I realized that they were homeless and needed a place to stay for themelves and their 2 children who had been living in their van for 8 weeks. The children were about to be taken from them because of their circumstance. The husband had a brain tumor, was on dialysis, and their house burned down in an electrical fire. Now, how much of the story was actually true, I don't know.

However, he had all of the proof that his situation was real and very serious. He even had medical documents and proof that his children were in their van. I talked with them for quite awhile and I couldn't help but have compassion on them. Especially the man who was longing to provide for his family but couldn't. As he began to cry, tears started welling up in my own eyes. One of the statements I will always remember him saying was: "We're just so tired."

I thought, "What do I know about hardship or being tired?" My problems just didn't compare to this difficult circumstance. We did as much as we could to help them and they went about their way. They did come to church that night, which I was so glad to see. However, I couldn't stop thinking about them. What was going to happen to their family? Would their children be okay?

Their faces were etched in my memory for life. What else could I have done for them? I didn't want to put a bandage on the wound, but I wanted to solve the problem. Could I have done more than just pray for them? There had to be more and there had to be an answer.

Anyway, it was just a moment in life where I took a good look at my own heart to see that my simple little trials that I have been facing could be so much worse. I should be thankful for all that God has given me. If I would just take the focus off of myself for a minute, what could I do? Could I let His Light shine instead of living a life of introspection? The Spirit of the living God lives within me. All I have to do is let Him out, and let Him have His way.

The Simple Things of Life...

2008-08-07T23:07:00.000-04:00

Well, they are just more fun! You know the simple things in life. Tonight, I just hung out with 3 little girls, a mom, her baby, and a good friend. I had so much fun! I got sucked into playing a card game known as "Phase 10" and while I usually don't like playing games, I quite enjoyed this game! I couldn't believe myself! I got so competitive with a 7 and a 9 year old! I honestly couldn't believe my own behavior.

Anyway, driving home tonight, I realized that the late night hanging out till 3:00 in the morning with "singles" my age or the 20 somethings never really has appealed to me. You know the big groups of people where you hang out till hours and hours in the late night?

My generation usually is known for this, but I just can't do it! Just give me a few people who I am really close to and give me a few hours of eating and chilling out. As long as I can get to bed by 11:00 p.m., it's way more attractive. I don't know if it's my age or if it's just how I'm wired, but I tend to gravitate to all the married people and their families. Oh well, to each his own...